Guest guest Posted January 1, 2006 Report Share Posted January 1, 2006 Jannice wrote: " Only that I haven't stopped crying since I stumbled here an hour ago. I'm rambling I'm sorry. How can I hate someone so much and still worry about them all at the same time? Is it possible to find an escape from the shame? " Oh, pooor baby! I wish I could give you a giant hug! I find that when I cry like that it hurts like hell at the time, but afterwards I realize it is cleansing. I think you are crying for the death of the idea of the mother you wish you had, and the birth of the nada (no kind of mother) you realize you DO have. I know a lot of my crying is from frustration, frustration of not being able to " get through " to my mother how destructive her behavior is, frustration that my every word and deed is twisted, frustration from still CARING when I know that I probably shouldn't! I hope some of your crying is from recognizing that this is a place it is safe to cry, to share and to let go. They say that hate is the closest thing to love..to even bother to hate, you have to care! If we didn't care, we'd just walk away. Unfortunately, " caring " about one's mother is a biological imperative. Otherwise, it would be one heckuva coincidence that each mother got only the babies she would love. Wait a minute, maybe (sort of joking here) that's part of the problem BP have, they are missing that gene? Anyway, back to what you wrote about " escaping the shame " . I don't think a person need have ANY shame for having been treated dreadfully by another. The shame is hers, not yours. And there are things you can do to make yourself feel better, and being here among supportive and understanding new friends is one of them. I hope you find some peace of mind in the new year! Alice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2006 Report Share Posted January 1, 2006 > > I hope some of your crying is from recognizing that this is a place it is > safe to cry, to share and to let go. I see in myself that I must believe it is. I have overcome the taboo of going outside the family and that felt better, afterwards. Yesyerday, after more than 24 hours of wrenching crying, resting, more crying, i began to feel better, lighter. So you must be right. I still think that I have a way to go, but I am beginning to feel hpoeful of a way forward, instead of the anguish of feeling trapped by impossible choices. Bewildered but getting better Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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