Guest guest Posted January 6, 2006 Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 In a message dated 1/6/2006 5:39:54 PM Eastern Standard Time, sofiapeel@... writes: A VERY BIZARRE nickname My fada called me motor mouth because I talked a lot. Funny. Now I get paid to talk . . . I have a nickname for him . . . he called me once on my cell phone and I didn't know it was him as I did not know his cell phone number -- I was blind sided with the call. I saved it and labeled it dingleberry so if he calls again I can send it to voice mail. Maddy *~*~*~*~* " To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. " ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2006 Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 > > But then she said to me, " It is strange though, how even though your > brother can do no wrong in her eyes, she had that weird nickname for > him. " And then it hit me! Yes! A VERY BIZARRE nickname....she called > him " MY LITTLE TURD " . I know it is so offensive and bizarre, but > true...and she would call him that in public! I am sure people had to > have taken note of how bizarre that is. > > I have little nicknames for my daughter....honeybee, and little > charmer etc...but I can't see little turd. God my BPD spouse does the exact same thing, uses insulting nicknames as if they were affectionate. " little sh*thead " , " monkeybrain " , all sorts of things. Things she has no idea sound insulting. She calls the kids all sorts of things like that. I guess its' an interesting insight into the pathology of BPD, the failure to grasp that something *is* insulting when it's said to others. -Karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2006 Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 This thread is cracking me up. My mom's nickname for me--one of the most common ones--is " baby b*tch. " It amuses me because it sounds like she's calling me her diminutive side-kick or her " b*tch -in-training. " I just tell myself how much more it says about her than it does about me. But it still doesn't have the ring of " little turd " I'm still chuckling at that. Trish > > > > > But then she said to me, " It is strange though, how even though your > > brother can do no wrong in her eyes, she had that weird nickname for > > him. " And then it hit me! Yes! A VERY BIZARRE nickname....she called > > him " MY LITTLE TURD " . I know it is so offensive and bizarre, but > > true...and she would call him that in public! I am sure people had to > > have taken note of how bizarre that is. > > > > I have little nicknames for my daughter....honeybee, and little > > charmer etc...but I can't see little turd. > > God my BPD spouse does the exact same thing, uses insulting > nicknames as if they were affectionate. > > " little sh*thead " , " monkeybrain " , all sorts of things. Things > she has no idea sound insulting. She calls the kids all sorts of things > like that. > > I guess its' an interesting insight into the pathology of BPD, > the failure to grasp that something *is* insulting when it's said > to others. > > -Karl > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2006 Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 Oh how weird. My cousin whom I talked into entering therapy a year ago and is probably a bp in recovery...doing very well I might add, has always called her son 'turd' too. In fact it is so bad that when she was out at the mall and met one of her friends working at the dept store, her friend introduced her self to the three year old and said something like 'Well Hi. My name is . What's your's?' and he didn't miss a beat and answered 'turd'. Her friend, of course, got all over my cousin's case and I haven't heard her call him that in a few months, maybe its all the therapy she's in or that incident, but I always thought that was wrong once he started really talking and understanding language. I call my first son 'little booger' when he was little, but now that he's older and knows what a booger is, well I just don't call him that...not that I ever used it that much anyway...mainly b/c he always was stuffy as a baby and getting buggers everywhere on our bed. But still. I think that left our lexicon around a year old. Now he's just his main knickname we've always had- jj bear. OUr other son is KiKi bear b/c jj can't say his full name and dubbed him KiKi. My nada never had a nickname for me. Perhaps it would be too cozy even if derogatory like 'little turd'. She always called me by my first name and when I was in trouble the first second and last name....but that's not uncommon. I can also tell my cousin is getting better w/her bpd b/c her migraines have gone away. I think that is also another sign of bpd. She's one of those rare ones though that saw how bad it was getting, listened when I said maybe therapy would help, got in and has really turned her life around. She did it mainly for her son and so I'm really proud of her though she's still got such a long way to go. None-the-less, how many of us KOs don't wish our nadas gave a crap enough about us at the age of three when we were being abused that she thought to herself 'this isn't right. I need to get me right'? I think it is hard for her and I don't think she'll ever be exactly a normal mom per se, but she seems more like a KO now days than a bp though she most definitely has little bp traits come up all the time that she battles. She does, however, own her behavior and has apologized quite a few times to her dh for how she acted before and has really good boundaries up and is really trying to work hard in therapy to have a better life for her son and her family. Just the other day she told me 'you know, I think you're right about my obssession w/my garden and redecorating all the time. Now that I'm painting the walls after being so healthy, I find it is a pain. I also don't want my flower garden to be so extreme next year. I think for once in my life I like me and I feel safe in my family and I don't need everything to look so perfect on the outside. Its not worth the hassle b/c I want to spend more time w/my husband and child.' Wow- that's huge for a borderline to realize- to quit putting so much emphasis on the outside appearance and start to really enjoy relationships w/the people closest to them. She gives me hope that it is possible for other borderlines as well as that they're not all alike- though she like a few others really wants to get better. That desire makes all the difference in the world. She has many more years of therapy ahead, but she's doing so awesome. In fact, I don't think I would've ever called her a borderline until recently, but indeed she very much was and is in recovery. Kerrie > > > > > > > > But then she said to me, " It is strange though, how even though your > > > brother can do no wrong in her eyes, she had that weird nickname for > > > him. " And then it hit me! Yes! A VERY BIZARRE nickname....she called > > > him " MY LITTLE TURD " . I know it is so offensive and bizarre, but > > > true...and she would call him that in public! I am sure people had to > > > have taken note of how bizarre that is. > > > > > > I have little nicknames for my daughter....honeybee, and little > > > charmer etc...but I can't see little turd. > > > > God my BPD spouse does the exact same thing, uses insulting > > nicknames as if they were affectionate. > > > > " little sh*thead " , " monkeybrain " , all sorts of things. Things > > she has no idea sound insulting. She calls the kids all sorts of things > > like that. > > > > I guess its' an interesting insight into the pathology of BPD, > > the failure to grasp that something *is* insulting when it's said > > to others. > > > > -Karl > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2006 Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 Wanted to reply to this thread, because in our family, nada did something different, and I'm wondering if others had this experience. Instead of nicknames, or our names, she called us....nothing at all usually. If she responded to a greeting it was never " Hi, Flea, " it was a just " Hi " . In talking to other people about us (including people who knew us, knew who we were, and knew our names), it was not " Flea did such-and-such " , it was " my daughter did such and such. " In talking to us about each other it was not, " I talked to [insert my brother's name] last week. " It was " I talked to your brother this week. " " My husband " " My boss " etc etc etc. No one has a name. It really seems to me that she avoids using people's names. I always thought it was weird... Flea --------------------------------- Yahoo! Photos Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 I was reading this thread and thinking that this is interesting but not my experience, when you posted. I can relate to not having a name - except when in trouble when it was used with the wrong emphasis on the syllables, or in full with'dirty word' intonation. I recall she used to - a bit - years ago, with other people; 'Our 'my name' has been.......' etc But there was so much 'your father' 'my mother' 'your grandmothr' 'my boss' 'your teacher' 'your brother' and even 'your mother' referring to herself in the third person when talking with me, that your post really rang a bell. I am sure that some degree of this is absolutley normal in most families. But of latter years it was almost all the time. > > Wanted to reply to this thread, because in our family, nada did something different, and I'm wondering if others had this experience. > > Instead of nicknames, or our names, she called us....nothing at all usually. If she responded to a greeting it was never " Hi, Flea, " it was a just " Hi " . > > In talking to other people about us (including people who knew us, knew who we were, and knew our names), it was not " Flea did such-and-such " , it was " my daughter did such and such. " > > In talking to us about each other it was not, " I talked to [insert my brother's name] last week. " It was " I talked to your brother this week. " > > " My husband " " My boss " etc etc etc. No one has a name. It really seems to me that she avoids using people's names. I always thought it was weird... > > Flea > > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! Photos > Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Great observation Flea---I didn't have a nickname, and she never referenced me by name and when referring to me even now at 34, she calls me the " kid " and my brother and fada have names of course. I was singled out in this instance. And yes, to other people it was my daughter. Great point! > > Wanted to reply to this thread, because in our family, nada did something different, and I'm wondering if others had this experience. > > Instead of nicknames, or our names, she called us....nothing at all usually. If she responded to a greeting it was never " Hi, Flea, " it was a just " Hi " . > > In talking to other people about us (including people who knew us, knew who we were, and knew our names), it was not " Flea did such-and-such " , it was " my daughter did such and such. " > > In talking to us about each other it was not, " I talked to [insert my brother's name] last week. " It was " I talked to your brother this week. " > > " My husband " " My boss " etc etc etc. No one has a name. It really seems to me that she avoids using people's names. I always thought it was weird... > > Flea > > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! Photos > Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 jannice, you are exactly right, the name was used only in extreme (bad) circumstances, said like a bad word. interesting that you had the same experience! -Flea bty919836 wrote: I was reading this thread and thinking that this is interesting but not my experience, when you posted. I can relate to not having a name - except when in trouble when it was used with the wrong emphasis on the syllables, or in full with'dirty word' intonation. I recall she used to - a bit - years ago, with other people; 'Our 'my name' has been.......' etc But there was so much 'your father' 'my mother' 'your grandmothr' 'my boss' 'your teacher' 'your brother' and even 'your mother' referring to herself in the third person when talking with me, that your post really rang a bell. I am sure that some degree of this is absolutley normal in most families. But of latter years it was almost all the time. > > Wanted to reply to this thread, because in our family, nada did something different, and I'm wondering if others had this experience. > > Instead of nicknames, or our names, she called us....nothing at all usually. If she responded to a greeting it was never " Hi, Flea, " it was a just " Hi " . > > In talking to other people about us (including people who knew us, knew who we were, and knew our names), it was not " Flea did such-and-such " , it was " my daughter did such and such. " > > In talking to us about each other it was not, " I talked to [insert my brother's name] last week. " It was " I talked to your brother this week. " > > " My husband " " My boss " etc etc etc. No one has a name. It really seems to me that she avoids using people's names. I always thought it was weird... > > Flea > > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! Photos > Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Sofia, Isn't is odd? And I just read that Jannice has the same experience too. I know you have a new baby. For me, having my first child was such an odd time. Of course, the baby himself was wonderful. But I mean, it brought up a lot of " stuff " --thoughts and memories about my FOO--that I thought or hoped I had forgotten or " gotten over " ... It seems that after I became a parent, I became a lot less understanding of how my parents had treated me. So there was a lot of new anger, etc. So anyway, I'm thinking of you, because I know this is such a happy time for you with the baby, but also it can be challenging to deal with some of this other stuff that can crop up. Flea sofiapeel wrote: Great observation Flea---I didn't have a nickname, and she never referenced me by name and when referring to me even now at 34, she calls me the " kid " and my brother and fada have names of course. I was singled out in this instance. And yes, to other people it was my daughter. Great point! > > Wanted to reply to this thread, because in our family, nada did something different, and I'm wondering if others had this experience. > > Instead of nicknames, or our names, she called us....nothing at all usually. If she responded to a greeting it was never " Hi, Flea, " it was a just " Hi " . > > In talking to other people about us (including people who knew us, knew who we were, and knew our names), it was not " Flea did such-and-such " , it was " my daughter did such and such. " > > In talking to us about each other it was not, " I talked to [insert my brother's name] last week. " It was " I talked to your brother this week. " > > " My husband " " My boss " etc etc etc. No one has a name. It really seems to me that she avoids using people's names. I always thought it was weird... > > Flea > > > > --------------------------------- > Yahoo! Photos > Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Hi Karl, Flea, Sofia, Trish and All, Wow, people, you rang my bell again. Exploded my mythic assumption that I was one of the few who experienced what I did with names, nicknames, etc. My nada said (and still often does say, during our rare contacts) my first name with that denigrating intonation dripping from her voice. She’s done other strange things with my name all my life. My dishrag fada didn’t have a name for anyone. Like many of you, it was “your brother,” etc. Exception: all my childhood, he referred to me using a version of my name which some people use negatively. Also, he frequently messed up people’s names. Get this: for many years after their divorce, one of my nada’s many complaints to me, her child-therapist, about my fada was that he “never called me [her] anything” when they were married! Last, but not least, but certainly least appropriate, my BP older brudda comBINED our parents distortion of my name by saying our fada’s version of my name with the same denigrating intonation our nada would say the regular version of my name! He also, thousands of times when we were boys and young men, called me . . . I don’t want to give those names any more energy by repeating them. They’re names some of you’ve referred to, and other universal ones, denigrating my existence, humanity, gender and intelligence. I’ve heard and read it said that people’s names are sacred to us. Our name is the outward representation of our identity. If we don’t have a name, we have a number. We complain about being “treated like a number.” That can be deadly. No wonder FOOs mess with that most intimate and personal symbol of who we are. Our names are such easy, obvious and painful targets. If I ever hear an adult call a child a name like we’ve been discussing, I’m going to quickly and politely tell the adult that those kinds of names have a huge, devastating and long-lasting negative impact on children, and ask them if they really want to do that to that child. As a boy, in an Elvis Presley movie I was watching, some character made fun of Elvis’ character’s name. Elvis (in character) said something like, “That’s my name. What’s wrong with my name? You got a problem with my name?” and had to be restrained from going after the other guy. (That was the movie Elvis. I wish it had been me.) I remember empathizing with Elvis’ character. Now, after reading your posts, I understand even more why I did. One Non-BP Recovering Man --- Karl Elvis MacRae wrote: > > > > But then she said to me, " It is strange though, how even though your > > brother can do no wrong in her eyes, she had that weird nickname for > > him. " And then it hit me! Yes! A VERY BIZARRE nickname....she called > > him " MY LITTLE TURD " . I know it is so offensive and bizarre, but > > true...and she would call him that in public! I am sure people had to > > > have taken note of how bizarre that is. > > > > I have little nicknames for my daughter....honeybee, and little > > charmer etc...but I can't see little turd. > > God my BPD spouse does the exact same thing, uses insulting > nicknames as if they were affectionate. > > " little sh*thead " , " monkeybrain " , all sorts of things. Things > she has no idea sound insulting. She calls the kids all sorts of things > like that. > > I guess its' an interesting insight into the pathology of BPD, > the failure to grasp that something *is* insulting when it's said > to others. > > -Karl > > > > __________________________________________ Yahoo! DSL – Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or less. dsl.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 > > > > Wanted to reply to this thread, because in our family, nada did > something different, and I'm wondering if others had this > experience. > > > > Instead of nicknames, or our names, she called us....nothing at > all usually. If she responded to a greeting it was never " Hi, > Flea, " it was a just " Hi " . > > > > In talking to other people about us (including people who knew > us, knew who we were, and knew our names), it was not " Flea did > such-and-such " , it was " my daughter did such and such. " > > > > In talking to us about each other it was not, " I talked to > [insert my brother's name] last week. " It was " I talked to your > brother this week. " > > > > " My husband " " My boss " etc etc etc. No one has a name. It really > seems to me that she avoids using people's names. I always thought > it was weird... > > > > Flea > > > > WOW this gets stranger by the day... lol My nada does this consistently.........she will even say " does your husband want to go? " and he will be sitting right there.... or even " your sister in law " " your grandmother " especially " your friend " and " your mother in law " Its always with a snarky tone, too. But then again, most things are. Who elses nada does this???? Sincerely, " your yahoo group mate " > > > > --------------------------------- > > Yahoo! Photos > > Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in > your hands ASAP. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Yep, same here. And the Full Name, including Middle Name And Surname, was for *UNMENTIONABLE* occasions where The Kids Were Abusing Her. Funny how the Name was used for Unmentional occasions. The funny thing is, that I used to go days without her uttering my name at all. Actually she hardly ever said hello. Never good morning, except when she was sarcastic because I hadn't fallen to my knees and asked what Slave could possibly do for her today. > Sofia, Isn't is odd? And I just read that Jannice has the same experience too. > > I know you have a new baby. For me, having my first child was such an odd time. Of course, the baby himself was wonderful. But I mean, it brought up a lot of " stuff " --thoughts and memories about my FOO--that I thought or hoped I had forgotten or " gotten over " ... It seems that after I became a parent, I became a lot less understanding of how my parents had treated me. So there was a lot of new anger, etc. So anyway, I'm thinking of you, because I know this is such a happy time for you with the baby, but also it can be challenging to deal with some of this other stuff that can crop up. > > Flea > > sofiapeel wrote: Great observation Flea---I didn't have a nickname, and she never > referenced me by name and when referring to me even now at 34, she > calls me the " kid " and my brother and fada have names of course. I > was singled out in this instance. And yes, to other people it was my > daughter. > > Great point! > > > > > > > Wanted to reply to this thread, because in our family, nada did > something different, and I'm wondering if others had this > experience. > > > > Instead of nicknames, or our names, she called us....nothing at > all usually. If she responded to a greeting it was never " Hi, > Flea, " it was a just " Hi " . > > > > In talking to other people about us (including people who knew > us, knew who we were, and knew our names), it was not " Flea did > such-and-such " , it was " my daughter did such and such. " > > > > In talking to us about each other it was not, " I talked to > [insert my brother's name] last week. " It was " I talked to your > brother this week. " > > > > " My husband " " My boss " etc etc etc. No one has a name. It really > seems to me that she avoids using people's names. I always thought > it was weird... > > > > Flea > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Yahoo! Photos > > Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in > your hands ASAP. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2006 Report Share Posted January 7, 2006 Flea, Thank you so much. Yes, I have a whole new perspective on BP especially when I just sit and look at my sweet daughter and think how is it possible that they treated me in this way? How were they able to do that? When I look at old photos and I look at my nada's expression and she just looked so miserable to be with me. I love every new thing I am a picture fanatic and new craft addict, and I can't imagine how my nada could have no feelings toward me. This is a fresh hell for me, but please read my next post about what happened today. Thank you---it is great to know there is someone out there on my side! Hug to you Flea! Sofia > > > > Wanted to reply to this thread, because in our family, nada did > something different, and I'm wondering if others had this > experience. > > > > Instead of nicknames, or our names, she called us....nothing at > all usually. If she responded to a greeting it was never " Hi, > Flea, " it was a just " Hi " . > > > > In talking to other people about us (including people who knew > us, knew who we were, and knew our names), it was not " Flea did > such-and-such " , it was " my daughter did such and such. " > > > > In talking to us about each other it was not, " I talked to > [insert my brother's name] last week. " It was " I talked to your > brother this week. " > > > > " My husband " " My boss " etc etc etc. No one has a name. It really > seems to me that she avoids using people's names. I always thought > it was weird... > > > > Flea > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Yahoo! Photos > > Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in > your hands ASAP. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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