Keep Fighting/Long Post

[Guest guest]

To all: Keep fighting the good fight. Those who have healed, for

the most part, were all were you are at now at some point. I feel

each and everyones pain. Everything you feel, you have the right to

feel. It is normal and a part of healing. Please remember that they

have been sucking the life out of us slowly for years and at some

point, the lines of who we are become blurred. Someone posted about

missing her mother and jepordizing herself by " trying to get

along " . Well, your not alone. It is normal to miss someone you love

even if that person is toxic. Keep in mind you love her, but a BPD

is not capable of the selflish, giving love we are, and they prey on

that. This is what I found, I reached the point that I could accept

the BPDs and codependents in my FOO. Fully ready to do so without

blaming or excusing there behavior. I knew that there had to be

strong boundries and I was ready. I did well. Honestly never thought

I'd get to that point. Heres what happen. They, not for love nor

money, could ever in a million years accept the new healthier me. I

did not fit their damaged mold anymore. I thought they may need time

to see the difference and they would try to drag me under, but I

never thought they would not accept it at all, on any level. By me

changing, it would not change them, but force the dynamics of the

family to change and that does not serve their purpose. Keep in mind

that the games they have played for years serves their needs well

and they do not want it changed at all. So after my attempts to

establish a new relationship with them, I came to realize you just

can not. They do not want healthy people at all. I wish them well. I

am not mad nor sad over it. Just moving on.

I think this will always hurt to some degree, but they further you

heal and the further you are removed from toxic people, the stronger

you grow. It will come in time. hang in there. I remeber a

conversation I had with a FOO member a few weeks ago. I felt drained

for 3 days after that. I am so far removed from that life that I

don't know how I ever survived them.

I hope you keep posting. I have a friend I visited last night and

saw how upset her BPD mother makes her. I felt bad for her. i

remeber those days well. I listen and suggested theropy. She said

she doesn't have the money. She does. She just isnt ready. Thats

okay. We get there in our own time.