Guest guest Posted January 15, 2006 Report Share Posted January 15, 2006 Lula, I had this very same realization. At one point in my life, all I could remember that was nice was that one day, before I turned 6 years old, my nada taught me how to iron handkerchiefs. It was a pleasant experience for me because nada was being nice, and I was feeling quite grown up and helpful. One of my problems when I went into therapy was that I hardly had any memories at all. Over the last few years, I am remembering more, and so I now have a few more nice, or semi-nice, memories about nada. Unfortunately, I am learning that even these are affected by the fears of her rages, and the anxiety that even in a pleasant situation she might start to rage over anything. This has been a very sad realization for me too - that where there should be a bunch of fond and funny family memories to look back on and relate to children and others, instead there are the memories that we don't talk about because of how upsetting they are or because they are too unbelievable for others to understand. Sylvia > > Hi Everyone, > > I've been away for some time...hope all is going well with all of you. > > It's funny, but being " off the board " for a few weeks has given me a > different perspective on nada, and I guess, the time to " assimilate " > everything that I have learned here. > > Today I had a moment-of-truth revelation about nada. I am wondering > if any of you have also had a similar revelation..... > > I realized that as I child I do not have one happy memory of any > " quality time " spent with nada since I was five years old when my > brother was born with a disability. That's when she funked out for good. > > Normal mothers, I assume, would spend some happy time with their > children and do fun things with them and enjoy their company. I was > just an appendage (ego projection for nada). And my only memories of > her and my childhood, even up until recently, are ones of fear. > > Do any of you have happy memories of any quality time spent with your > nada? > > It sounds so trite to say this, but it is really hitting me hard > today. I guess, it's like mourning the mother one never had and > pitying the nada one does have. > > Thanks for listening. > > Good Night, > Lula > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2006 Report Share Posted January 15, 2006 Hello Lula. I honestly don't recall many happy times with my nada. The ones I can recall are also frought with memories of stress and tension. I am only hoping that I can be a " normal " loving mom to my duaghter, and give her many happy memories together...instead of the regret, anger, and disillusionment that I have become so familiar with. planetlula wrote: Hi Everyone, I've been away for some time...hope all is going well with all of you. It's funny, but being " off the board " for a few weeks has given me a different perspective on nada, and I guess, the time to " assimilate " everything that I have learned here. Today I had a moment-of-truth revelation about nada. I am wondering if any of you have also had a similar revelation..... I realized that as I child I do not have one happy memory of any " quality time " spent with nada since I was five years old when my brother was born with a disability. That's when she funked out for good. Normal mothers, I assume, would spend some happy time with their children and do fun things with them and enjoy their company. I was just an appendage (ego projection for nada). And my only memories of her and my childhood, even up until recently, are ones of fear. Do any of you have happy memories of any quality time spent with your nada? It sounds so trite to say this, but it is really hitting me hard today. I guess, it's like mourning the mother one never had and pitying the nada one does have. Thanks for listening. Good Night, Lula Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2006 Report Share Posted January 15, 2006 Hi Sylvia, Yeah, it's like I always had to perform a certain way b/c I never knew when she was going to go off the deep-emd and rage and beat me. She never once enjoyed my company, or doing anything " fun " with me, like normal moms. Always either using me as a " prop " to take grocery shopping or as a whipping post. Realizing this makes me think that I never got any " normal " parental conditioning/love, so now I question most of my " perceptions. " Things were really so messed up. I don't think I'll ever understand what " normal " is - or was. Maybe I have a better understanding of what " psycho " is LOL. -Lula > > > > Hi Everyone, > > > > I've been away for some time...hope all is going well with all of > you. > > > > It's funny, but being " off the board " for a few weeks has given me > a > > different perspective on nada, and I guess, the time > to " assimilate " > > everything that I have learned here. > > > > Today I had a moment-of-truth revelation about nada. I am > wondering > > if any of you have also had a similar revelation..... > > > > I realized that as I child I do not have one happy memory of any > > " quality time " spent with nada since I was five years old when my > > brother was born with a disability. That's when she funked out for > good. > > > > Normal mothers, I assume, would spend some happy time with their > > children and do fun things with them and enjoy their company. I > was > > just an appendage (ego projection for nada). And my only memories > of > > her and my childhood, even up until recently, are ones of fear. > > > > Do any of you have happy memories of any quality time spent with > your > > nada? > > > > It sounds so trite to say this, but it is really hitting me hard > > today. I guess, it's like mourning the mother one never had and > > pitying the nada one does have. > > > > Thanks for listening. > > > > Good Night, > > Lula > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2006 Report Share Posted January 15, 2006 Hi , I think that the one thing that really separates " us " from " them " is consciousness. If they had been conscious of thier actions when we were growing up, then they would have stopped and we would not be KO. I don't have children, but if I did, I would feel as you do. But, knowing that we are conscious, evolved, different and separate from these BPDs, would, I think, make us great parents. Knowing how you feel and how you love your children and want to be a great mom....I'm sure your kids are blessed with a wonderful mom and childhood. -Lula > Hi Everyone, > > I've been away for some time...hope all is going well with all of you. > > It's funny, but being " off the board " for a few weeks has given me a > different perspective on nada, and I guess, the time to " assimilate " > everything that I have learned here. > > Today I had a moment-of-truth revelation about nada. I am wondering > if any of you have also had a similar revelation..... > > I realized that as I child I do not have one happy memory of any > " quality time " spent with nada since I was five years old when my > brother was born with a disability. That's when she funked out for good. > > Normal mothers, I assume, would spend some happy time with their > children and do fun things with them and enjoy their company. I was > just an appendage (ego projection for nada). And my only memories of > her and my childhood, even up until recently, are ones of fear. > > Do any of you have happy memories of any quality time spent with your > nada? > > It sounds so trite to say this, but it is really hitting me hard > today. I guess, it's like mourning the mother one never had and > pitying the nada one does have. > > Thanks for listening. > > Good Night, > Lula > > > > > > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @B... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP. > > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community! > > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2006 Report Share Posted January 15, 2006 Lula This is something I think of a lot. Even things that are " supposed to be " happy, were ruined by her. The tension, the agendas, the fears, her attention-seeking. I have exactly one happy memory, approximately age two. Nada and I were on the floor, coloring in coloring books. The way I remember it though, there was a sense of competition, like she needed to be better. I don't know how I could have thought that at age two, so maybe that part was added in later. But that's how I really remember it in my mind. planetlula wrote: I realized that as I child I do not have one happy memory of any " quality time " spent with nada since I was five years old when my brother was born with a disability. That's when she funked out for good. --------------------------------- Yahoo! Photos Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays, whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2006 Report Share Posted January 15, 2006 Hi Flea, That's interesting. My NIL is like that - always competitive and blatently jealous of her offspring and even grandaughter. I am so grateful that she is no longer in our life. I have one happy memory of my nada when I was about age 3. It's of my nada dancing silly in a Hawaiian Hula skirt that was bought for her as a souvenir from my aunt who visited Hawaii. My Fada was laughing and dancing too. He was sipping a foamy beer and let me taste the foam. It was good. When I turned five my nada never danced or was ever happy again. -Lula > I have exactly one happy memory, approximately age two. Nada and I were on the floor, coloring in coloring books. The way I remember it though, there was a sense of competition, like she needed to be better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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