Thanks to all and have a beautiful New Year

[Guest guest]

Hi All, Long-Timers and Newcomers Alike,

What a year it’s been for me. After I’d already

devoted a huge part of my life and resources to

understanding and overcoming what I endured, I joined

this group, which many of you started attending long

before I did. I read SWOE and UBM. I was shocked and

amused, relieved and overwhelmed, cried and calmed,

weakened and strengthened.

I’ve got some things to say that I believe may sound

overly dramatic to normies (people who aren’t

non-BPs), but, I’m confidant that you’ll all

understand.

You’ve helped me understand, to “get it”, to open my

eyes to the effects of dealing with the BPD and other

PDs of my mother, older brother, and other people with

whom I’ve lived, worked and done business over the

decades. Like many of you, my veil of ignorance and

denial has been lifted, my onion’s been peeled and my

covers have been pulled as never before. As a

teenager, I thought and told people (far too many, and

they never understood, anyway), that “I had a

difficult childhood.” It took me decades of time,

thousands of dollars and thousands of hours, and a

chance comment from a friend that led me to read SWOE

and begin this latest chapter of my healing,

recovering and overcoming journey. Since joining this

group, I realize I had my own Mommie Dearest. This

group has provided me with an unfolding horror of

stories and an education I never wanted. It’s also

provided me with a camaraderie and sense of belonging

I’ve never had with any of the many other support

groups I have or am in. Like the late actor/director

Reeve said, I’m a member of a club I never

wanted to belong to. I’ve never felt so understood in

my life.

(I had to stop writing there for a minute to let

another sob out.)

My childhood and teenage home environment was like a

constant spiritual, emotional and mental war zone, and

a frequent physical war zone. It was, and, to this

day is, potentially lethal, exhausting, and

traumatically stressful. Like a country, city or

people under siege, I have continually fought off

attempts to weaken me, drain and undermine my

resources, conquer me, and enslave me for the benefit

only of my perpetrators, while feeling, with

considerable justification, that at any moment they

may choose to or will find a way to finish me off.

I tried as hard as I could for decades to curl up into

a spiritual and emotional shell of protection. From

time immemorial, many people have had to protect

themselves from other rivals, tribes, vigilantes,

death squads, their own governments, despots, tyrants,

and invaders. I’d heard of genocide, fratricide and

infanticide. Still, for most of my life, I never

imagined I’d need to protect myself from my own FOO.

My nada didn’t just try to kill me long ago. She’s

STILL TRYING to kill me and probably has been since

before I was born. She won’t stop. She and my older

brudda are trying to complete the job. It doesn’t

matter to me whether it’s spiritually, emotionally,

mentally and/or physically. They’re all murderous to

my mind, soul and body, and I need all those parts to

function as a human being. No one in my FOO sees or

believes any of this and they won’t help me. I am

alone in that group. I am not alone in this and other

groups, and in the world.

I feel STUNNED about a number of posts the last few

days, including replies to posts of mine. Stunned

about the levels of cruel, destructive, sadistic,

inhumane, monstrous behavior many of us have endured,

and stunned about the levels of experience, strength,

knowledge, wisdom, and hope we’ve learned, cultivated,

nourished, built, and maintained over the years. I

want to reply to so much of it with thanks for sharing

here, teaching me more about courage, guts,

determination, tenacity and the endurance of the human

spirit in the face of a long, exhausting, painful

struggle. What I read here and elsewhere reminds me

of one of my eternal thoughts: I don’t know how I got

through it. The struggle continues. Maybe, one

reason I did was to share some of my experience,

strength and hope, as many of you have, to help each

other and generations to come.

Like others have said, I wish myself and all of you a

healthy, happy, serene, safe, secure, and peaceful new

year. May it be a time of further healing, recovery,

growth and harmony with the family and world of your

choice.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

__________________________________

Yahoo! for Good - Make a difference this year.

http://brand.yahoo.com/cybergivingweek2005/

[Guest guest]

>

> Like the late actor/director

> Reeve said, I'm a member of a club I never

> wanted to belong to. I've never felt so understood in

> my life.

>

> (I had to stop writing there for a minute to let

> another sob out.)

- Yes and so did I as I read that, having joined just two days ago...

I know what you and he mean. I so don't want to be here, but am so

glad I found you all.