Re: a rock and a hard place

[Guest guest]

To you also, thankyou. What you describe is so like my own

experiences my nada has done exactly that about marriage - I was 27

before I married. I hated it but only know see why.

My fears over her doing the same to my children as she did to me - or

worse, me unwittingly doing it to them - really are quite real. Nada

regularly used phrases like 'grandchildren are nature's compensation

for the ills of growing old' to me AND MY KIDS. Sounds almost sweet

doesn't it?

Bewildered, still crying, but hanging in there.

[Guest guest]

Charlie,

Oh my god! Thank you for that. I am new to this group too. I am also new to

reading up

on BPD, but my therapist says my mom probably has BPD and she has done what you

describe to me so many times. My mom was on a rampage when I got maried 2 years

ago

and was really acting out. She did this kind of thing repeatedly during that

time. I almost

never talk to people about it because I always end up looking like the one who

has the

problem. I just let it go, let people think the worst of me, fester etc. It's

such a terrible

feeling, but I've never been able even to put it into words. I don't even try

to talk to my

husband about it. Thanks for the summary--the explanation. I can't really find

the words

to describe how much better I feel after reading that, but if you've been

through this too,

you probably understand.

Trish

>

> I just saw this quote from bewildered, a new post-er:

>

> 'I couldn't withstand how bad it had got, i wasn't strong enough,

> > but I can't live with the consequences either. Every choice is a bad

> > choice.'

>

> Bewildered, I just wanted you to know that one of the terrible

> masterful skills that BPD's have is to put us between a rock and a hard

> place! They are genuises at it. You are not alone in this

> experience. The trick is to develop such a great sense of self, that

> you rise above the apparent 'options' on the table, and don't feel bad

> either way.

>

> A common BPD rock-hard place thing is to issue a lifetime of subtle put-

> downs, so that you are sensitive about a certain subject. Then, in

> front of a crowd, they issue yet another subtle put-down, that doesn't

> sound so bad in front of everyone else. Something like 'when are you

> going to get married and give me grandchildren? I guess you just

> intimidate everyone you meet.' Just for example. Then, the unknowing

> KO loses control, and responds in an angry tone. And looks like a

> demon, because she was just being a mom! Or, if the KO does not

> respond, then a very wrongful impression of him/her has been issued to

> the crowd of people, ie, that they think they are better than everyone

> else, and therefore will never deserve their own family. This isn't a

> true story, by the way, it's just the best thing I could come up with.

>

> My point at any rate is hang in there. The experience you describe is

> quite common to KOs.

>

> Charlie

>