New To Group

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone. I joined this goup today and have been fascinated reading the

different

posts, describing such similar experiences and feelings as my own. I only

recently became

aware/convinced that my mother has BPD with some NPD traits as well. I've always

known

she was " crazy " and impossible to get along with, but I didn't have a specific

label for her

disorder. I remember seeing the movie " Mommy Dearest " years ago and thinking,

" that's

how my mother was/is. " I first heard the term back in the early 90s when a

co-worker of

mine mentioned it in relation to his own mother, who was supposedly diagnosed

and

seeking treatment. When he described the symptoms, I said, " that sounds exactly

like my

mother. " I looked it up in one of my Psychology text books when I got home (big

surprise I

was a Psych Major), but then that was as far as it went.

I just finished reading " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (twice) which I

found

extremely validating and is the only book I've read on the subject so far. I

read it in about

2 days the first time around. It was as though I was reading my life story. The

second time,

I highlighted key points that were specific to my situation, and found that

whole

paragraphs and half pages were yellow! Some of the actual quotes were dead-on

and while

I was reading some of the passages to my sister over the phone, we joked that

the author

must have been listening in on our conversations.

My mother is predominately a Queen/Witch most of the time with Hermit and Waif

tendencies as well. This book has helped me deal with the guilt feelings and

second-

guessing in deciding to cut her out of my life after one of her latest episides

(so has my

sister). After 42 years, I've come to the realization that she and our

relationship will never

change, no matter how I try to get through to her, and I'm done. Life is too

short to

continue puting up with that kind of denigration and abuse - it's time I

preserve my own

emotional well being and have some peace. I've often said that if she were

anyone else, I

would have severed the relationship years ago, and it's only continued simply

because

she's my mother.

I'm anxiously awaiting delivery of two more books I ordered on the subject:

" Surviving The

Borderline Parent... " and " Emotional Blackmail... " It sounds like I should have

ordered

SWOE too, but I guess that'll be next.

Thanks for listening,

a

[Guest guest]

wow. good for you. I laughed out loud when I read your comment

about the highlighting. When I first read SWOE and then did the

workbook, I realized later that I had highlighted major portions of

almost every page and wrote many many comments in the margins. I

showed it to a cousin recently and she found that really humorous. I

didn't at the time. I guess it underscores (no pun intended) the

validation we feel when finally seeing for the first time what our

lives have been like. I highly commend both books to you (SWOE and

the workbook). I had no trouble locating them at both Borders and

& Noble at the time. I picked up the UBM book about a month

ago and was blown away. My nada is a witch with queen tendencies

mostly. I thought it truly ironic that there isn't a chapter

titled " loving the witch " . There is only one called " living with the

witch " or something like that. That says so much to me.

>

> Hi Everyone. I joined this goup today and have been fascinated

reading the different

> posts, describing such similar experiences and feelings as my own.

I only recently became

> aware/convinced that my mother has BPD with some NPD traits as

well. I've always known

> she was " crazy " and impossible to get along with, but I didn't have

a specific label for her

> disorder. I remember seeing the movie " Mommy Dearest " years ago and

thinking, " that's

> how my mother was/is. " I first heard the term back in the early 90s

when a co-worker of

> mine mentioned it in relation to his own mother, who was supposedly

diagnosed and

> seeking treatment. When he described the symptoms, I said, " that

sounds exactly like my

> mother. " I looked it up in one of my Psychology text books when I

got home (big surprise I

> was a Psych Major), but then that was as far as it went.

>

> I just finished reading " Understanding the Borderline Mother "

(twice) which I found

> extremely validating and is the only book I've read on the subject

so far. I read it in about

> 2 days the first time around. It was as though I was reading my

life story. The second time,

> I highlighted key points that were specific to my situation, and

found that whole

> paragraphs and half pages were yellow! Some of the actual quotes

were dead-on and while

> I was reading some of the passages to my sister over the phone, we

joked that the author

> must have been listening in on our conversations.

>

> My mother is predominately a Queen/Witch most of the time with

Hermit and Waif

> tendencies as well. This book has helped me deal with the guilt

feelings and second-

> guessing in deciding to cut her out of my life after one of her

latest episides (so has my

> sister). After 42 years, I've come to the realization that she and

our relationship will never

> change, no matter how I try to get through to her, and I'm done.

Life is too short to

> continue puting up with that kind of denigration and abuse - it's

time I preserve my own

> emotional well being and have some peace. I've often said that if

she were anyone else, I

> would have severed the relationship years ago, and it's only

continued simply because

> she's my mother.

>

> I'm anxiously awaiting delivery of two more books I ordered on the

subject: " Surviving The

> Borderline Parent... " and " Emotional Blackmail... " It sounds like I

should have ordered

> SWOE too, but I guess that'll be next.

>

> Thanks for listening,

> a

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Cool validation on the witch thing. I have a witch nada and nothing

works.

It is a very alienating and lonely feeling that comes from people not

believing what you say. It makes it hard to tell our story. It is

so wonderful that we can be here for each other. We can not only be

our own life preservers but can also be there for each other.

I have a cousin " busting my chops " about how " cruel " I am being to

nada. One of my brother's good friends rents my parents lake home

for a week every summer. My nada used the opportunity when she

contacted this friend to cry to him about how awful my brother and I

were being to her by not seeing her (ie jumping when she said jump).

This " friend " corner my brother the next time he saw him and gave him

an ear full - " How could you do this? Blah blah "

I try to look at it as a way to really find out who your friends

are. Some that side with nada may be worth still trying to work

things out but often I just don't have the energy to fight that

battle. If they really cared, they would at least understand that

there are 2 sides to every story.

> >

> > > wow. good for you. I laughed out loud when I read

> > > your comment

> > > about the highlighting. When I first read SWOE and

> > > then did the

> > > workbook, I realized later that I had highlighted

> > > major portions of

> > > almost every page and wrote many many comments in

> > > the margins. I

> > > showed it to a cousin recently and she found that

> > > really humorous. I

> > > didn't at the time. I guess it underscores (no pun

> > > intended) the

> > > validation we feel when finally seeing for the first

> > > time what our

> > > lives have been like. I highly commend both books

> > > to you (SWOE and

> > > the workbook). I had no trouble locating them at

> > > both Borders and

> > > & Noble at the time. I picked up the UBM

> > > book about a month

> > > ago and was blown away. My nada is a witch with

> > > queen tendencies

> > > mostly. I thought it truly ironic that there isn't

> > > a chapter

> > > titled " loving the witch " . There is only one called

> > > " living with the

> > > witch " or something like that. That says so much to

> > > me.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

______________________________________________________________________

> ______________

> > Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your

> story. Play Sims Stories at Yahoo! Games.

> > http://sims.yahoo.com/

> >

>