Re: disturbing dreams

[Guest guest]

Hi Flea, sorry to hear all that's going on with your nada. During

the period that I went NC - about nine months I had many dreams like

that. Often they were prison break type dreams...sometimes I'd be

getting away and sometimes not. The worst ones were where I dreamed

I was back living with the FOO as a teenager. That was the worst

time because I was old enough to really understand but still

dependent. One idea I've played with that might help you is lucid

dreaming. If you could retain some consciousness in your dreams you

might be able to work out some of what you are feeling....like escape

the concentration camp! Wishing you much relief and peace.

sunny

>

> Hi all,

> I'm going through a variety of stuff since going RC (rare

contact, essentially NC) in November. I'm having a really hard time.

I'll divide it up into smaller posts, so people can read or reply to

the posts, if any, that are relevant to them...

>

> First one is, I'm not someone who dreams very often at all.

Since redefining my relationship with nada and angry stepdad,

though, I've been dreaming a LOT, very vivid, negative dreams, with

not-too-subtle symbolism: I've been kidnapped, or I've been sent to

a concentration camp. Very UN-typical. Has anyone had this

experience, and does it diminish with time? It's really unusual and

it's becoming draining. I sleep to escape from stress, not

experience more (!)...

>

> Thanks,

> Flea

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or less

>

>

[Guest guest]

Flea - Hi I am new here - just wanted to tell you I've had all kinds

of weird dreams which I feel are directly related to my childhood

and nada. They tend to get worse when I get more depressed and when

I'm being sucked into nada's turmoil. And I will dream the same

thing over and over...Tornadoes are a big one, I am running with my

mother's family (mother nowhere to be found interestingly enough,

could she be the tornadoe?) and we are trying to find cover. Another

one that crops up all the time is I am a kid and am roaming down our

street to the house I grew up in and the street is dark and I have

this scarey feeling and can't find my way home. Another one, I am in

the house I grew up in and am escaping from it, going out my bedroom

window and then I find myself running down the highway...I also have

this dream where my mother drops me off somewhere, i.e. the shopping

mall, and she doesn't come back for me (she use to do this all the

time!!!! and I'd have to find some way home. The worst dreams are

the one's where I watch myself die. I did have this very weird dream

about a year ago, in which I watched my mother slide down this hill

and into this hole, upon which rocks rolled on top the hole and

covered her completely up. Now that one I awoke feeling

rather " free " . I like the idea of lucid dreaming that sunny

suggests! Think I'll give this one a shot myself. Strangely enough,

even though I have NC with nada right now, the dreams are not bad as

they use to be when this happend. Hang in there!

> >

> > Hi all,

> > I'm going through a variety of stuff since going RC (rare

> contact, essentially NC) in November. I'm having a really hard

time.

> I'll divide it up into smaller posts, so people can read or reply

to

> the posts, if any, that are relevant to them...

> >

> > First one is, I'm not someone who dreams very often at all.

> Since redefining my relationship with nada and angry stepdad,

> though, I've been dreaming a LOT, very vivid, negative dreams,

with

> not-too-subtle symbolism: I've been kidnapped, or I've been sent

to

> a concentration camp. Very UN-typical. Has anyone had this

> experience, and does it diminish with time? It's really unusual

and

> it's becoming draining. I sleep to escape from stress, not

> experience more (!)...

> >

> > Thanks,

> > Flea

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or

less

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Now that's weird....I posted a message yesterday saying that nada is

offering me food as a way to get me hovered into the relationship.

Last night, I had a dream that my nada had awful bad breath. In the

dream when I told her, she, of course, disregarded me and I felt like

my observation wasn't considered. Then, the next sceene, was in the

living room with the whole family and friends; everytime someone

passed next her, they had the same reaction I had. They had a

discusted facial expression and told her that she had bad breath. Then

she had to check for herself obviously because she didn't believe

anyone.

This is the only part of the dream that I rememer and I find it sooo

funny!!!

[Guest guest]

I have had dreams in connection with my FOO that at its peak has made it

dreadful to go to sleep at night. I have a recurring dream about my deceased

grandnada’s house where I’m in the house and someone is breaking in to beat and

kill me. I lived with grandnada for a year when I was a child and never felt

safe there. I haven’t had one of those dreams in a while.

The most recent dream I had a few weeks ago was about getting into a fistfight

with my dishrag mother. It was a bloody, viscious fight and I was taking

pleasure in beating the tar out of her. It’s no secret to me where that has

come from…a particularly heavy day of postings added to a lot of anger coming

out in therapy toward my mother for letting fada behave the way he did. As

unpleasant as the dreams are, I think they are a type of acknowledgement the

subconscious is trying to bring up from the depths that there are feelings

needing to be dealt with. Sunny’s idea of taking control (lucid dreaming) is

intriguing, but something I’ve never accomplished (Sunny-any suggestions how to

induce a state of lucid dreaming? I’d love to try it). But I’m working on

embracing the feelings that I’m entitled to have as a survivor of a

dysfunctional FOO so that I can eventually come to a point where it’s not such a

priority theme in my life…where I can move on and focus on developing into

the person I was meant to be.

I find also that I don’t have as many disturbances in the night when I eat a

healthier diet and get enough exercise. For me, exercise really helps me to

feel calmer overall and promotes a more restful sleep.

Cheers,

Sakura

[Guest guest]

So delightful. Since I just realized nada is such a total BPD person and

toxic I don't know what to do. Usually I call her back and keep in constant

contact with her and my dishrag dad. They are super involved in

everything. Details of my life that frankly shouldn't even concern them.

Yes, if they are helpful, but not if they meddle. So last night she called,

then an e.mail today, then two calls tonight. I basically decided to avoid

her. That didn't work well- esp. since I feel guilty like I am abandoning

her.

So I pick up the phone and right away- how are you? Did you get my phone

call last night, my e.mail today, I just called your cell- what's wrong you

didn't hear it? I could tell from the way she said it- lurring me in. I am

like I have my own problems out here. So that tearful fearful voice, then

she decided she couldn't hear me. I can't hear you, so I changed phones. I

can't hear you so I guess we shouldn't talk. I guess you can't talk to your

mother now. Then I hung up by accident- and she called bck with more- what

happened? Weren't you going to call back (knowing she has to call me on

that phone line anyway). Luring me in more. So I got bitchy adn mean and

it must have been a shock to her, since I am always playing her game. How

do you switch? I just feel like saying hey mom you are BPD get help or I

can't talk to you anymore.

What do you guys do? I just don't want to abandon my family and I feel

guilty. She doesn't know I am done with this behavior. How?

>

> I have had dreams in connection with my FOO that at its peak has made it

> dreadful to go to sleep at night. I have a recurring dream about my

> deceased grandnada's house where I'm in the house and someone is breaking in

> to beat and kill me. I lived with grandnada for a year when I was a child

> and never felt safe there. I haven't had one of those dreams in a while.

>

> The most recent dream I had a few weeks ago was about getting into a

> fistfight with my dishrag mother. It was a bloody, viscious fight and I

> was taking pleasure in beating the tar out of her. It's no secret to me

> where that has come from…a particularly heavy day of postings added to a lot

> of anger coming out in therapy toward my mother for letting fada behave the

> way he did. As unpleasant as the dreams are, I think they are a type of

> acknowledgement the subconscious is trying to bring up from the depths that

> there are feelings needing to be dealt with. Sunny's idea of taking control

> (lucid dreaming) is intriguing, but something I've never accomplished

> (Sunny-any suggestions how to induce a state of lucid dreaming? I'd love to

> try it). But I'm working on embracing the feelings that I'm entitled to

> have as a survivor of a dysfunctional FOO so that I can eventually come to a

> point where it's not such a priority theme in my life…where I can move on

> and focus on developing into

> the person I was meant to be.

>

> I find also that I don't have as many disturbances in the night when I

> eat a healthier diet and get enough exercise. For me, exercise really helps

> me to feel calmer overall and promotes a more restful sleep.

>

> Cheers,

> Sakura

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sakura, a few ideas about the dreams

- keep a dream journal that you write in the morning when you first

wake up, this'll help with recall

- set the intention before you go to sleep that you want to be aware

when you are dreaming...I've found this somewhat helpful

- this I haven't tried, but I've read that practicing every time you

do something common like go through a door when awake, ask yourself

if you are dreaming and then the habit will go into the dream and it

will help you know. I need to try this one too!

More on the dream subject when I was growing up I always had dreams

that I was on the run being hunted and was some kind of secret

agent. I was always alone and desperate seeking shelter from my

pursuers who I never saw. My dreams of being around my family only

started after I moved away from them....no escape!

sunny

>

> I have had dreams in connection with my FOO that at its peak has

made it dreadful to go to sleep at night. I have a recurring dream

about my deceased grandnada's house where I'm in the house and

someone is breaking in to beat and kill me. I lived with grandnada

for a year when I was a child and never felt safe there. I haven't

had one of those dreams in a while.

>

> The most recent dream I had a few weeks ago was about getting

into a fistfight with my dishrag mother. It was a bloody, viscious

fight and I was taking pleasure in beating the tar out of her. It's

no secret to me where that has come from…a particularly heavy day of

postings added to a lot of anger coming out in therapy toward my

mother for letting fada behave the way he did. As unpleasant as the

dreams are, I think they are a type of acknowledgement the

subconscious is trying to bring up from the depths that there are

feelings needing to be dealt with. Sunny's idea of taking control

(lucid dreaming) is intriguing, but something I've never accomplished

(Sunny-any suggestions how to induce a state of lucid dreaming? I'd

love to try it). But I'm working on embracing the feelings that I'm

entitled to have as a survivor of a dysfunctional FOO so that I can

eventually come to a point where it's not such a priority theme in my

life…where I can move on and focus on developing into

> the person I was meant to be.

>

> I find also that I don't have as many disturbances in the night

when I eat a healthier diet and get enough exercise. For me,

exercise really helps me to feel calmer overall and promotes a more

restful sleep.

>

> Cheers,

> Sakura

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Flea,

It's very common with people who've experienced

trauma. I agree with Sakura, Sunny and others about

things that can be done. From early childhood into my

20's, I had thousands of flying dreams. I was trying

to get away from something. As an adult, I've dreamt

of being in a big, dark house with frightening

creatures, and of threatening tornadoes. Dreams,

however unpleasant, are a healthy outlet.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- Flea Bitten wrote:

> Hi all,

> I'm going through a variety of stuff since going

> RC (rare contact, essentially NC) in November. I'm

> having a really hard time. I'll divide it up into

> smaller posts, so people can read or reply to the

> posts, if any, that are relevant to them...

>

> First one is, I'm not someone who dreams very

> often at all. Since redefining my relationship with

> nada and angry stepdad, though, I've been dreaming

> a LOT, very vivid, negative dreams, with

> not-too-subtle symbolism: I've been kidnapped, or

> I've been sent to a concentration camp. Very

> UN-typical. Has anyone had this experience, and does

> it diminish with time? It's really unusual and it's

> becoming draining. I sleep to escape from stress,

> not experience more (!)...

>

> Thanks,

> Flea

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about. Just

> $16.99/mo. or less

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________________

Yahoo! DSL – Something to write home about.

Just $16.99/mo. or less.

dsl.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

LOL! I've had flying dreams too in fact I one flying dream in which

I left the entire planet earth! I was finally able to relax in space.

sunny

>

> > Hi all,

> > I'm going through a variety of stuff since going

> > RC (rare contact, essentially NC) in November. I'm

> > having a really hard time. I'll divide it up into

> > smaller posts, so people can read or reply to the

> > posts, if any, that are relevant to them...

> >

> > First one is, I'm not someone who dreams very

> > often at all. Since redefining my relationship with

> > nada and angry stepdad, though, I've been dreaming

> > a LOT, very vivid, negative dreams, with

> > not-too-subtle symbolism: I've been kidnapped, or

> > I've been sent to a concentration camp. Very

> > UN-typical. Has anyone had this experience, and does

> > it diminish with time? It's really unusual and it's

> > becoming draining. I sleep to escape from stress,

> > not experience more (!)...

> >

> > Thanks,

> > Flea

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about. Just

> > $16.99/mo. or less

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________

> Yahoo! DSL – Something to write home about.

> Just $16.99/mo. or less.

> dsl.yahoo.com

>

[Guest guest]

Bridget,

It was best for me to not do anything until I was sure of what I

wanted and how I should go about getting it. I also thought about a

plan B - always good when dealing with a BP. It wasn't totally

planned out, however. There were some emotional circumstances that

made me realize I had to do something - fast - because I was getting

so depressed. But I did my best to think through what I was doing

in order not to be impulsive and then have regrets.

Regardless, I still have to deal with guilt. It doesn't last very

long any more - now I can say " Oh, there is that guilt coming up

again " , and then I can quickly think it through and get myself back

to a better place emotionally.

Something that really helped me was accepting that what I was doing

was for me - and for no one else. I decided that it was about time

that someone took care of me - and since there was no one else

available, that task fell on me (grin). There was

something 'wickedly good' about really taking care of myself for the

first time.

If you haven't read 'Stop Walking on Eggshells', read it for the

sections on how to communicate with someone who has BPD. Decide

what you want, how you are going to communicate it to nada, and

then 'stick to your guns'. When nada starts trying to 'reason' with

you, you can respectfully say something to the effect that you know

she feels/thinks differently, but this is how you are going to

handle the situation. I know that is vague - but you can fill it in

with your own specifics.

It may help to realize that you don't have to do this perfectly, and

that you are allowed to change your mind about anything at any

time. You - and only you - get to set the 'rules' for your own

life.

Be prepared for her to try just about anything to get you to go back

to how things were. That was her comfort zone, so she is not going

to embrace the changes. That is okay, she will be able to adjust.

Remember, this time, it is about and for you.

Take care,

Sylvia

>

> So delightful. Since I just realized nada is such a total BPD

person and

> toxic I don't know what to do. Usually I call her back and keep

in constant

> contact with her and my dishrag dad. They are super involved in

> everything. Details of my life that frankly shouldn't even

concern them.

> Yes, if they are helpful, but not if they meddle. So last night

she called,

> then an e.mail today, then two calls tonight. I basically decided

to avoid

> her. That didn't work well- esp. since I feel guilty like I am

abandoning

> her.

>

> So I pick up the phone and right away- how are you? Did you get

my phone

> call last night, my e.mail today, I just called your cell- what's

wrong you

> didn't hear it? I could tell from the way she said it- lurring me

in. I am

> like I have my own problems out here. So that tearful fearful

voice, then

> she decided she couldn't hear me. I can't hear you, so I changed

phones. I

> can't hear you so I guess we shouldn't talk. I guess you can't

talk to your

> mother now. Then I hung up by accident- and she called bck with

more- what

> happened? Weren't you going to call back (knowing she has to call

me on

> that phone line anyway). Luring me in more. So I got bitchy adn

mean and

> it must have been a shock to her, since I am always playing her

game. How

> do you switch? I just feel like saying hey mom you are BPD get

help or I

> can't talk to you anymore.

>

> What do you guys do? I just don't want to abandon my family and I

feel

> guilty. She doesn't know I am done with this behavior. How?

>

>.....