Judgement call ( a bit long)

[Guest guest]

Ok....I apologize for this being long but if y'all don't have the whole

story none of this will make any sense. Ok...so I filled you all in on Nada

s antics over the weekend...and for those of you who don't know what the

story is, Nada and Fada live across the street with my brother...all of them

with BPD...all of them with major issues. One of this most problematic

problems with my brother is his drug and alcohol addiction...plus he is just

a spoiled rotten brat and I end up in the middle with the worst of it every

time. Anyway...I think part of the problem with Nada targeting me over the

weekend is that my brother was away for the weekend...so the person whom she

usually obsesses over wasn't around. Now when I say obsessive...I mean it

very seriously. She is CONSTANTLY in ALL of his business...at night she

even sneaks outside and peers into his window so that she can see what he is

doing. It seems like her attacks on him are the worst when he has a

girlfriend, and it is TOTALLY obvious that it is a jealousy thing on her end

Ok...so on to the week's happenings....Sunday night, my brother came home

from his trip with his friend...so her focus immediately changed to him..

within about 10 minutes of him arriving home the fights started up over

there. She was unreasonably angry because apparently, when she asked him

what he did all weekend his answer to her was too vague. I will give her

one thing....he was totally messed up when he got home....he has this

Robitussin habit...he will take 30 Robitussin gels at a time...apparently it

gives him a pretty decent high. So on Monday morning she was ticked..

ticked because he wouldn't give her the minute by minute run down..ticked

because he was high...but mostly ticked because he was home for about 10

minutes before taking off with his new girlfriend. On Monday, she drove him

to work...everything was hunky dory...then after about 3 hours she just kind

of LOST it...out of the TOTAL blue....she calls him and reads him the riot

act telling him that he can't continue to " live like he is " in her house.

He has to either " straighten up and fly right, or move out " (Very vague...it

s her M.O.) So he tells her that she can't force him to give up something

that he doesn't see anything wrong with (meaning smoking pot, and drinking..

she is VERY anti-alcohol) and he would talk to her about it at home...which

just made her even more mad. About 20 minutes later, he called her back and

asked her how soon she wanted him out....she said " as soon as you can find a

place " ...well she just LOST it...she called me up and left a frantic message

telling me the whole ordeal and sobbing that she didn't want him to leave.

(He called her bluff and she panicked...which was brilliant on his part...

the best defense is a good offense is what i always say) See....that's the

way she works...she calls it a choice...but ultimately it is merely a threat

...she doesn't see it. Anything but her way just wasn't an option in her

head. She was totally freaking out yelling and screaming at me that I

needed to call him and " talk some sense into him " ....which is basically her

way of saying she want's me to be her henchman...which of course, I refused

to do. She was pestering me and pestering me...wanting to know if I agreed

with her point of view...I told her that I agreed that she make a stand

against the pot...but as far as the alcohol was concerned...he is 27 and old

enough to drink...as long as he wasn't driving she needed to drop it. My

point of view is merely as the person who has agreed to basically work as

his parole officer...so I was trying to keep it " professional " . With that

her cell phone rang and she said " that's him...I'm going to tell him to

call YOU and you tell him that I am right and he has to listen and do what I

say. " ...I just hung up on her...refusing to be involved.

Fast forward to yesterday....it's been 115 degrees here in land, so both

he and his girlfriend haven't gone to work since Monday....what have they

been doing? Staying home, drinking, getting high and having sex of course.

Well you can imagine how well that went over with Nada...plus this job that

he hasn't shown up for in 3 days is brand spankin' new...so bye-bye job. So

instead of confronting him about THOSE issues...she comes home and starts

yelling at him that he needed to get rid of (the girlfriend)...drop

what he was doing RIGHT now and allow her to drive him to an AA meeting

because he needed to get himself " clean " in order to go to some college

class that SHE signed him up for which is on Tuesday. Of course he told her

where to get off and refused all of it, so she told him that he had to get

out (which is a violation of the terms of his probation that she agreed to..

..if I can't get out of what I promised the court, how can she?) So then I

get this other frantic message that I needed to come over and straighten

everything out....she kicked him out of the house because he was too messed

up to go to the class she signed him up for. So to clarify...she is

freaking out because he was drunk and MIGHT not be in any shape to go to a

class that he knew nothing about, a week from now. Of course he left, only

to return to ask Nada if the girlfriend can move in to their house. (yeah...

that makes no sense to me either....Nada said no btw) Major, major

irrational drama there...it is totally crazy.

Ok...so here is my situation...my brother is now saying that he wants out of

there...the problem is....he has no money..and now no job. I can relate to

his dilemma because her OCD over him is just ridiculous. Honestly...I think

the best thing for him and his psychological wellness is for him just to get

the heck out of there...even if I have to finance it. HOWEVER...the best

thing for MY psychological welfare is to advise him and nada into him

STAYING with her...because as long as he is there, she leaves me alone. PLUS

...why should he be rewarded for his poor choices? He should have to stay

there and face the consequences. Is it wrong of me to be compelled to throw

him under the bus here? I mean...his situation there isn't totally

horrible...she pays for everything and does everything for him...she even

prepares his meals and brings them to his room for him...I dunno...I'm

perplexed, any advice?

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny