Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 FROM RANDI (list and BPDCentral owner) Welcome to the group! ________________________________________ Hello Everyone. I am a newcomer to this group and this is my first message that I am posting. I am 40 years old and just became aware that my mom has BPD.I thought this was just the way my mother acted and I had to live with it. I still live at home w/ both of my parents. My mom is highly functional and when she is not decompensating is a loving. warm friendly person. Anyone on the outside would not know that she has this problem. I chose to stay at home for several reasons. Convenience, company for my mom as my Father works alot, and as a means to save money. I had mentioned to my mother I was going to move out several years ago and I could see much pain in her face and decided to stay. The reason now that I am seeking some support is for the following reason. My brother who is now 43 recently married this past July. He is/was very close to my mom. My mother never accepted my sis in law and caused several problems prior to the marriage. To make a very long story short just a few weeks ago my mom acted out in public to both my brother and sis in law. She has had rages in the past but never w/ such violence. He yelled, cursed, and shoved my sis in law and if it weren't for my brother restraining her would have punched and attacked her. My mom blames her for breaking up our family and is very jealous of this and feels he is ignoring/abadoning her. In conclusion, as of Dec 16th My bro has had no contact with my mom. He will eventually but just can't right now. She does not know how to deal w/ this. I want to know if this is a correct way of handling her. It is very stressful for me to say the least. Comments please!! Thanx. I am running out of room so I need to go. M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Dear M, welcome to our group! Although there is no one 'correct' way to handle someone with BPD, I can certainly understand why your brother has taken this action. You sister-in-law did not break up your family, and for your mother to treat her this way - either in public or in private is not right - and BPD should never be used as an excuse to accept this kind of behavior from anyone. Of course it is stressful for you - but keep in mind that this is between your mother and your brother and sister-in-law. Let them work it out. Would you consider the possibility that your mother may be too protected? It is very common for someone with BPD to convince family members that they are responsible to the BP's happiness - and unhappiness. And through years of conditioning we KOs (Kids of a Borderline parent) are actually brainwashed into believing that we indeed are responsible. We are not responsible for any of the feelings a BP has. I think you will understand more if you keep posting and reading posts on this board. Two books for you to read are Understanding the Borderline Mother and Stop Walking on Eggshells. Should your mother see these books, it could very easily cause her to rage. Do you have enough privacy in your home to feel safe in learning more about this illness? Take care, Sylvia > > FROM RANDI (list and BPDCentral owner) > > Welcome to the group! > ________________________________________ > > Hello Everyone. > I am a newcomer to this group and this is my first message that I am > posting. > > I am 40 years old and just became aware that my mom has BPD.I thought > this was just the way my mother acted and I had to live with it. > I still live at home w/ both of my parents. My mom is highly > functional and when she is not decompensating is a loving. warm > friendly person. Anyone on the outside would not know that she has > this problem. > I chose to stay at home for several reasons. Convenience, company for > my mom as my Father works alot, and as a means to save money. > I had mentioned to my mother I was going to move out several years > ago and I could see much pain in her face and decided to stay. > > The reason now that I am seeking some support is for the following > reason. > My brother who is now 43 recently married this past July. He is/was > very close to my mom. My mother never accepted my sis in law and > caused several problems prior to the marriage. > To make a very long story short just a few weeks ago my mom acted out > in public to both my brother and sis in law. She has had rages in the > past but never w/ such violence. > He yelled, cursed, and shoved my sis in law and if it weren't for my > brother restraining her would have punched and attacked her. > My mom blames her for breaking up our family and is very jealous of > this and feels he is ignoring/abadoning her. > In conclusion, as of Dec 16th My bro has had no contact with my mom. > He will eventually but just can't right now. She does not know how to > deal w/ this. I want to know if this is a correct way of handling her. > It is very stressful for me to say the least. Comments please!! Thanx. > I am running out of room so I need to go. M > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2006 Report Share Posted January 5, 2006 Hi Sylvia. Thanks so much for your quick response. Thank You for your input. I have already read the " Eggshells " book but I have also heard about the other one and would like to read it as well. I agree w/ everything that you had to say. It's just hard when you are living with it. I crave for peace and harmony in my family and my mother makes it very difficult to obtain. Thanks again. I'll be in touch.! M --- smhtrain2 wrote: > Dear M, welcome to our group! > > Although there is no one 'correct' way to handle > someone with BPD, I > can certainly understand why your brother has taken > this action. > You sister-in-law did not break up your family, and > for your mother > to treat her this way - either in public or in > private is not right - > and BPD should never be used as an excuse to accept > this kind of > behavior from anyone. > > Of course it is stressful for you - but keep in mind > that this is > between your mother and your brother and > sister-in-law. Let them > work it out. Would you consider the possibility > that your mother > may be too protected? It is very common for someone > with BPD to > convince family members that they are responsible to > the BP's > happiness - and unhappiness. And through years of > conditioning we > KOs (Kids of a Borderline parent) are actually > brainwashed into > believing that we indeed are responsible. We are > not responsible > for any of the feelings a BP has. > > I think you will understand more if you keep posting > and reading > posts on this board. Two books for you to read are > Understanding > the Borderline Mother and Stop Walking on Eggshells. > Should your > mother see these books, it could very easily cause > her to rage. Do > you have enough privacy in your home to feel safe in > learning more > about this illness? > > Take care, > > Sylvia > > > > > > FROM RANDI (list and BPDCentral owner) > > > > Welcome to the group! > > ________________________________________ > > > > Hello Everyone. > > I am a newcomer to this group and this is my first > message that I > am > > posting. > > > > I am 40 years old and just became aware that my > mom has BPD.I > thought > > this was just the way my mother acted and I had to > live with it. > > I still live at home w/ both of my parents. My mom > is highly > > functional and when she is not decompensating is a > loving. warm > > friendly person. Anyone on the outside would not > know that she has > > this problem. > > I chose to stay at home for several reasons. > Convenience, company > for > > my mom as my Father works alot, and as a means to > save money. > > I had mentioned to my mother I was going to move > out several years > > ago and I could see much pain in her face and > decided to stay. > > > > The reason now that I am seeking some support is > for the following > > reason. > > My brother who is now 43 recently married this > past July. He > is/was > > very close to my mom. My mother never accepted my > sis in law and > > caused several problems prior to the marriage. > > To make a very long story short just a few weeks > ago my mom acted > out > > in public to both my brother and sis in law. She > has had rages in > the > > past but never w/ such violence. > > He yelled, cursed, and shoved my sis in law and if > it weren't for > my > > brother restraining her would have punched and > attacked her. > > My mom blames her for breaking up our family and > is very jealous > of > > this and feels he is ignoring/abadoning her. > > In conclusion, as of Dec 16th My bro has had no > contact with my > mom. > > He will eventually but just can't right now. She > does not know how > to > > deal w/ this. I want to know if this is a correct > way of handling > her. > > It is very stressful for me to say the least. > Comments please!! > Thanx. > > I am running out of room so I need to go. M > > > > > > > melanie __________________________________________ Yahoo! DSL – Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or less. dsl.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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