Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 You asked - 'any thoughts?'. Take care of yourself - and learn to accept that is all you can do. Your nada, regardless of BPD, is responsible for taking care of herself too. If your nada is about to go through a second divorce, and this doesn't make her pause to wonder what she is doing to mess up her life - you are not going to be able to help her. She has to realize that something is wrong and want to do something to make her life better. There is nothing you can do to get her to this point, it has to come from her. I had to do the same thing - as do all who are dealing with a BP parent. I also had to learn to accept my own part in most of the misfortunes in my life - even if at the time I may not have had the information that would have helped me, I had to accept that I did negatively contribute to the situation. If I had not accepted my responsibility, I would not have been able to improve my life either. You can love your mother - but still not try to rescue her. You can love her enough to allow her to deal with her own problems. Sylvia > > hello all, > > although i am new here, i have come to quickly feel like i can put up short, bizarre, honest postings and you all understand COMPLETELY and without any judgement whatsoever. it's wonderful. > > that said, i hope a few of you may have some words of solace or wisdom for me. > > i am a graduate student home for the holidays--leaving thursday-- thank god. things between nada and step-dad have been worsening and darkening since i got home. the household climate had that freaky calm before a huge storm last night, i should have known. > > this morning, their fight (over nothing!) spiralled so out of control that nada bit step-dad on the face, drawing blood, and knocked him to the floor. this was the last straw for him, he grabbed a bunch of clothes, stormed out of the house and she hasn't heard from him since. i presume he is staying with friends or at a nearby hotel. > > he called me later, brokenly, and apologized saying he just didn't think he could take it anymore. he said he was beginning to feel unsafe--last month she slapped him so hard that she cracked one of his teeth. she has been kicking and biting and slapping horribly the last few months, and then mocking him when he wants to call the police, saying they'll never believe him because she is half his size. > > i don't think she remembers the bite this morning--she has been a wreck sobbing and wandering around the house all day. > > i am at a total loss. she has been manageable the last few years but was a disaster and a horrible, cruel, mess of a woman after the last divorce. i am panicking because i know another one is now on the horizon. seems like a terrible time to go NC, i know she needs all the love she can get right, but she refuses to seek help. > > she seems to black all her physical stuff out and is genuinely puzzled about why step-dad wants her to recieve a psychiatric evaluation. > > i don't think an intervention is possible. i'm not sure what to do. i feel very, very sad and helpless and wide awake. past the point of crying, a bit numb really. > > any thoughts??? > > thanks much-- > ....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Hello there. My heart broke for you as I read your words. This must be a very hard situation for you. From what I can tell from your post, your stepdad was something of a " security blanket " for your nada. Therefore, she felt safe in being able to treat him how she saw fit...another example of nadas objectifying the people in their lives. As much as it would pain you to go nc with your nada, it sounds like it would be unsafe to do otherwise. Since you are her child, you are yet another safe person. Which, sadly, makes you a target. If you do not want to go nc, you may need to set some very strict boundaries, and do not allow her to cross them. One of these should be any act of physical violence. Also, because you are an adult child, you may be able to push the issue of a psych eval(if that is what you want to happen) since you would have the backing of your stepdad. Honestly, it does sound like she is dangerous both to herself and others. Be careful. You're close, so you could be the next target for her rage. JosoBak25 wrote: hello all, although i am new here, i have come to quickly feel like i can put up short, bizarre, honest postings and you all understand COMPLETELY and without any judgement whatsoever. it's wonderful. that said, i hope a few of you may have some words of solace or wisdom for me. i am a graduate student home for the holidays--leaving thursday--thank god. things between nada and step-dad have been worsening and darkening since i got home. the household climate had that freaky calm before a huge storm last night, i should have known. this morning, their fight (over nothing!) spiralled so out of control that nada bit step-dad on the face, drawing blood, and knocked him to the floor. this was the last straw for him, he grabbed a bunch of clothes, stormed out of the house and she hasn't heard from him since. i presume he is staying with friends or at a nearby hotel. he called me later, brokenly, and apologized saying he just didn't think he could take it anymore. he said he was beginning to feel unsafe--last month she slapped him so hard that she cracked one of his teeth. she has been kicking and biting and slapping horribly the last few months, and then mocking him when he wants to call the police, saying they'll never believe him because she is half his size. i don't think she remembers the bite this morning--she has been a wreck sobbing and wandering around the house all day. i am at a total loss. she has been manageable the last few years but was a disaster and a horrible, cruel, mess of a woman after the last divorce. i am panicking because i know another one is now on the horizon. seems like a terrible time to go NC, i know she needs all the love she can get right, but she refuses to seek help. she seems to black all her physical stuff out and is genuinely puzzled about why step-dad wants her to recieve a psychiatric evaluation. i don't think an intervention is possible. i'm not sure what to do. i feel very, very sad and helpless and wide awake. past the point of crying, a bit numb really. any thoughts??? thanks much-- --------------------------------- Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or less Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 has been kicking and biting and slapping horribly the last few months, ---This is a physically dangerous woman. No matter what you decide to do as far as contact please always make sure you are safe! > i don't think she remembers the bite this morning--she has been a wreck sobbing and wandering around the house all day. ---She probably doesn't remember it. True BP behavior. To me this says that she is really consumed by the disorder at this point. I think about my own nada in terms of two entities, her true self being one and the disorder being the other. In my mind BPD functions in the same way the AIDS virus does....that is itattacks a normal cell, invades it and takes it over. The diseased cell completely consumes the healthy cell, it hijacks it in a sense and takes control of the healthy cell's behavior. My mother's true self has been wiped out. She exists only as a shadow or an echo. BPD has long since consumed the person I loved. seems like a terrible time to go NC, i know she needs all the love she can get right, but she refuses to seek help. ---The decision to go NC is tough and it may or may not be the right thing for you right now. With that said, if she refuses to " seek " help, she will probably also refuse to let you help. She may let you do stuff for her, but that is not the same as letting you truly help her. Whatever you decide to do, keep this in mind and make sure your actions will benefit YOU. The best thing you can do at this point is make sure you take care of you at all times during this ordeal. Even if that means going NC or RC. It is your right and your responsibility to take care of yourself. Putting your welfare before that of nada doesn't make you a bad person in any way. In fact it does just the opposite, it ensures you are the best person you can be. Although this situation is indeed very dark and you feel scared and alone, you are not alone in the dark. We are all here to share our light with you. Peace, Love and Light, Tucan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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