Re: Re: help help

[Guest guest]

josobak,

I agree with Sylvia. Also, when my nada behaved like

yours, she was dangerous. I needed to protect myself

first.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- smhtrain2 wrote:

> You asked - 'any thoughts?'. Take care of yourself

> - and learn to

> accept that is all you can do. Your nada,

> regardless of BPD, is

> responsible for taking care of herself too. If your

> nada is about

> to go through a second divorce, and this doesn't

> make her pause to

> wonder what she is doing to mess up her life - you

> are not going to

> be able to help her. She has to realize that

> something is wrong and

> want to do something to make her life better. There

> is nothing you

> can do to get her to this point, it has to come from

> her.

>

> I had to do the same thing - as do all who are

> dealing with a BP

> parent. I also had to learn to accept my own part

> in most of the

> misfortunes in my life - even if at the time I may

> not have had the

> information that would have helped me, I had to

> accept that I did

> negatively contribute to the situation. If I had

> not accepted my

> responsibility, I would not have been able to

> improve my life

> either.

>

> You can love your mother - but still not try to

> rescue her. You can

> love her enough to allow her to deal with her own

> problems.

>

> Sylvia

>

>

>

> >

> > hello all,

> >

> > although i am new here, i have come to quickly

> feel like i can

> put up short, bizarre, honest postings and you all

> understand

> COMPLETELY and without any judgement whatsoever.

> it's wonderful.

> >

> > that said, i hope a few of you may have some

> words of solace or

> wisdom for me.

> >

> > i am a graduate student home for the

> holidays--leaving thursday--

> thank god. things between nada and step-dad have

> been worsening and

> darkening since i got home. the household climate

> had that freaky

> calm before a huge storm last night, i should have

> known.

> >

> > this morning, their fight (over nothing!)

> spiralled so out of

> control that nada bit step-dad on the face, drawing

> blood, and

> knocked him to the floor. this was the last straw

> for him, he

> grabbed a bunch of clothes, stormed out of the house

> and she hasn't

> heard from him since. i presume he is staying with

> friends or at a

> nearby hotel.

> >

> > he called me later, brokenly, and apologized

> saying he just

> didn't think he could take it anymore. he said he

> was beginning to

> feel unsafe--last month she slapped him so hard that

> she cracked one

> of his teeth. she has been kicking and biting and

> slapping horribly

> the last few months, and then mocking him when he

> wants to call the

> police, saying they'll never believe him because she

> is half his

> size.

> >

> > i don't think she remembers the bite this

> morning--she has been

> a wreck sobbing and wandering around the house all

> day.

> >

> > i am at a total loss. she has been manageable

> the last few

> years but was a disaster and a horrible, cruel, mess

> of a woman

> after the last divorce. i am panicking because i

> know another one

> is now on the horizon. seems like a terrible time

> to go NC, i know

> she needs all the love she can get right, but she

> refuses to seek

> help.

> >

> > she seems to black all her physical stuff out

> and is genuinely

> puzzled about why step-dad wants her to recieve a

> psychiatric

> evaluation.

> >

> > i don't think an intervention is possible. i'm

> not sure what to

> do. i feel very, very sad and helpless and wide

> awake. past the

> point of crying, a bit numb really.

> >

> > any thoughts???

> >

> > thanks much--

> >

> ......

>

>

>

>

>

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