BPD siblings: how common is it? And are my brothers examples?

[Guest guest]

Hello all! I continue to be blown away by the answers to my question, " what's

the best

thing you've done for yourselves. I'm really enjoying reading them all and sort

of tucking

them away for future use. . .or a rainy day. Keep writing, I love it.

I have another question to throw out--particularly for those of you with a

sibling with BPD.

I realize this is kind of rambling as a question, I'm having trouble putting it

into words

My brothers both show signs of FLEAS--as do I. But some of you mention siblings

with

BPD. Could you tell from the beginning? I mean, were they born that way? I

have worried

about myself being BPD almost obsessively for a while, but I'm kind of over

that(as Kerry

and others have said, if you can reflect on yourself and see the wrong in your

ways, it's a

good sign). I still wonder about my brothers, though. Sometimes, they appear

normal

enough, but other times they do stuff that makes me think of the last scene in

Invasion of

the Body Snatchers when the last two people on earth meet, but then the other

" person "

lets out an alien scream--showing he too has had his body snatched and the main

character is on her own.

I'd like to throw out 2 examples to see what you all think :(one for each

brother)

Over Thanksgiving, one of my brothers started to cuss me out because I got out

the

leftovers and asked him if he wanted some(there's no more to the story--I'm

still not sure

what angered him off about that). When I told him a few minutes later that I

was hurt by

his language and didn't like it, he just said " OK! " like he was surprised I said

anything, but

later, he pulled me asside and told me he'd understand how mad I'd be if the

comments/

swearing had been directed at me, but he actually had been directing it at my

BPD mom.

Doesn't that sound kind of BPD to you guys? I was there, I'm sure the comments

were

directed at me--I just told him I was glad he would never say anything like that

to me and

could see he knew how upset I'd be if it ever happened--but the whole

conversation just

made me wonder about him.

Also over Thanksgiving, I had to come out at 3:30 in the AM and ask my brothers

and their

friends to be more quiet so I could sleep. They had been drinking and partying

for a long

time and were really yelling and being crazy, and I had to drive home (7 hours)

the next

day so needed sleep. I asked kindly that they be a little more quiet so I could

sleep,

explaining the situation. They quietted down and bro #2 gave me a hug. But

once back in

bed, I could hear drama unfolding downstairs. Brother #2 left the house drunk

and angry

despite everyone's pleas that he not do that. I was very stressed out, but

resolved to stay

in bed and sleep and not get sucked in. In the morning, my dad told me that

brother #2

had said he wanted to kill me(no joke) before he left the house and that he was

found

drunk later in a bush. I kind of laughed it off--but later was really annoyed

because this is

the price I pay w/ even my brothers for asking for simple things like being

allowed to

sleep in the early morning. I emailed my bro about this, he did not even

respond!

So, I've got this invasion of the body snatchers feeling now. Like my brothers

are or have

always been BPD as well. What do you guys think? When do people first start

showing

signs of this disorder? Is it sudden or cumulative? Could those of you who

have BPD

siblings tell all along or was it something that developed with time?

I feel numb as I write this. I think I'm sort of in denial. I'd like to have

some normal family

members--but it's something I've got to ask myself. What do you all think?

Trish

[Guest guest]

Trish,

I’ve decided that my older brudda is a BPD after

researching more about BPD and reading here. Your

brothers’ behaviors sound unbalanced, to say the

least. I don’t know if they’re BPs. I believe my

older brudda is because he has done the kinds of

deliberate, hostile, sadistic, destructive behaviors

that our nada has done toward me all my life, as well,

like other people describe BPs they know. I believe

he’s always been that way. There’s evidence that, for

some, BPD may develop later. It all may depend upon

genetic and environmental factors.

Thanks for your great questions and writing.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- tlblack2006 wrote:

> Hello all! I continue to be blown away by the

> answers to my question, " what's the best

> thing you've done for yourselves. I'm really

> enjoying reading them all and sort of tucking

> them away for future use. . .or a rainy day. Keep

> writing, I love it.

>

> I have another question to throw out--particularly

> for those of you with a sibling with BPD.

> I realize this is kind of rambling as a question,

> I'm having trouble putting it into words

>

> My brothers both show signs of FLEAS--as do I. But

> some of you mention siblings with

> BPD. Could you tell from the beginning? I mean,

> were they born that way? I have worried

> about myself being BPD almost obsessively for a

> while, but I'm kind of over that(as Kerry

> and others have said, if you can reflect on yourself

> and see the wrong in your ways, it's a

> good sign). I still wonder about my brothers,

> though. Sometimes, they appear normal

> enough, but other times they do stuff that makes me

> think of the last scene in Invasion of

> the Body Snatchers when the last two people on earth

> meet, but then the other " person "

> lets out an alien scream--showing he too has had his

> body snatched and the main

> character is on her own.

>

> I'd like to throw out 2 examples to see what you all

> think :(one for each brother)

>

> Over Thanksgiving, one of my brothers started to

> cuss me out because I got out the

> leftovers and asked him if he wanted some(there's no

> more to the story--I'm still not sure

> what angered him off about that). When I told him a

> few minutes later that I was hurt by

> his language and didn't like it, he just said " OK! "

> like he was surprised I said anything, but

> later, he pulled me asside and told me he'd

> understand how mad I'd be if the comments/

> swearing had been directed at me, but he actually

> had been directing it at my BPD mom.

> Doesn't that sound kind of BPD to you guys? I was

> there, I'm sure the comments were

> directed at me--I just told him I was glad he would

> never say anything like that to me and

> could see he knew how upset I'd be if it ever

> happened--but the whole conversation just

> made me wonder about him.

>

> Also over Thanksgiving, I had to come out at 3:30 in

> the AM and ask my brothers and their

> friends to be more quiet so I could sleep. They had

> been drinking and partying for a long

> time and were really yelling and being crazy, and I

> had to drive home (7 hours) the next

> day so needed sleep. I asked kindly that they be a

> little more quiet so I could sleep,

> explaining the situation. They quietted down and

> bro #2 gave me a hug. But once back in

> bed, I could hear drama unfolding downstairs.

> Brother #2 left the house drunk and angry

> despite everyone's pleas that he not do that. I was

> very stressed out, but resolved to stay

> in bed and sleep and not get sucked in. In the

> morning, my dad told me that brother #2

> had said he wanted to kill me(no joke) before he

> left the house and that he was found

> drunk later in a bush. I kind of laughed it

> off--but later was really annoyed because this is

> the price I pay w/ even my brothers for asking for

> simple things like being allowed to

> sleep in the early morning. I emailed my bro about

> this, he did not even respond!

>

> So, I've got this invasion of the body snatchers

> feeling now. Like my brothers are or have

> always been BPD as well. What do you guys think?

> When do people first start showing

> signs of this disorder? Is it sudden or cumulative?

> Could those of you who have BPD

> siblings tell all along or was it something that

> developed with time?

>

> I feel numb as I write this. I think I'm sort of in

> denial. I'd like to have some normal family

> members--but it's something I've got to ask myself.

> What do you all think?

>

> Trish

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Its funny when I read here,and reflect on my own behaviour, how many of

my behaviours could be termed BPD - or definately " just disordered " .

I can hear one of my psychologist's words ringing in my ears: " You are

actually worried that you may become a BPD? Then you aren't BPD, you

just have fleas " .

God knows. I got them from Motherofthecentury, Im surprised they aren't

fully-blown paralysis ticks.

> d that my older brudda is a BPD after

> researching more about BPD and reading here. Your

> brothers¢ behaviors sound unbalanced, to say the

> least. I don¢t know if they¢re BPs. I believe my

> older brudda is because he has done the kinds of

> deliberate, hostile, sadistic, destructive behaviors

> that our nada has done toward me all my life, as well,

> like other people describe BPs they know. I believe

> he¢s always been that way. There¢s evidence that, for

> some, BPD may develop later. It all may depend upon

> genetic and environmental factors.

>

> Thanks for your great questions and writing.

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks for the insight and the humor. I also know

that having this kind of awareness makes me a non.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- Hutton wrote:

> Its funny when I read here,and reflect on my own

> behaviour, how many of

> my behaviours could be termed BPD - or definately

> " just disordered " .

> I can hear one of my psychologist's words ringing in

> my ears: " You are

> actually worried that you may become a BPD? Then you

> aren't BPD, you

> just have fleas " .

> God knows. I got them from Motherofthecentury, Im

> surprised they aren't

> fully-blown paralysis ticks.

>

>

> On Wed, 2006-01-04 at 23:49 -0800, Recovering Non-BP

> wrote:

> > d that my older brudda is a BPD after

> > researching more about BPD and reading here. Your

> > brothers¢ behaviors sound unbalanced, to say the

> > least. I don¢t know if they¢re BPs. I believe my

> > older brudda is because he has done the kinds of

> > deliberate, hostile, sadistic, destructive

> behaviors

> > that our nada has done toward me all my life, as

> well,

> > like other people describe BPs they know. I

> believe

> > he¢s always been that way. There¢s evidence that,

> for

> > some, BPD may develop later. It all may depend

> upon

> > genetic and environmental factors.

> >

> > Thanks for your great questions and writing.

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

> http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks to the two of you for your posts. I'm still not sure where my brothers

stand on

this--and I think even the research seems fuzzy about when someome is Borderline

and

when not and at what point they became that way. Maybe the cards are still out

for them.

Maybe the cards are still out even for my BPD mom (although I'm not holding my

breath).

I guess I've also been guilty of freaking out because it feels lonely being the

only one in

the family who is saying, " hey, this is not normal and what we've done to deal

with it up

'till now is not working! " I might be confusing BPD with an unwillingness to

give up bad

ways of dealing with a BPD parent.

Trish

> > > d that my older brudda is a BPD after

> > > researching more about BPD and reading here. Your

> > > brothers¢ behaviors sound unbalanced, to say the

> > > least. I don¢t know if they¢re BPs. I believe my

> > > older brudda is because he has done the kinds of

> > > deliberate, hostile, sadistic, destructive

> > behaviors

> > > that our nada has done toward me all my life, as

> > well,

> > > like other people describe BPs they know. I

> > believe

> > > he¢s always been that way. There¢s evidence that,

> > for

> > > some, BPD may develop later. It all may depend

> > upon

> > > genetic and environmental factors.

> > >

> > > Thanks for your great questions and writing.

> >

> > Send instant messages to your online friends

> > http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Trish,

The confusion is possible. It's also possible that

you're aware of BOTH happening which, in my

experience, is usually the case, and that the two

possibilities don’t seem to go together. Some might

call that cognitive dissonance, which FOOs are good at

creating! Years ago, I learned that my FOO’s

all-or-nothing thinking and behavior -- in more than

one direction at the same time -- produced in me the

kind of confusion you described. I realized, “Hey,

maybe BOTH are true! Maybe I’m perceiving BOTH

accurately!” It was one of my biggest insights. To

differentiate myself from my FOO, I developed the

ability to think and talk in shades of gray. It

confused the he** out of lots of people. Then, I

realized that thinking and talking in shades of gray

is usually perceived as week, vacillating, and

confused, especially by people with PDs and other

disturbances, in other words, most people! I went

back toward the middle of that behavior, to minimize

my contribution to people’s confusion about that. I

looked in the media for examples of people who sounded

definite without being egomaniacs. They’re hard to

find! Especially in recent years, it’s much sexier,

and gets higher ratings and readership, to sound

DEFINITE and POSITIVE, especially when people don’t

know what the he** they’re talking about! Just like

my FOO!

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- tlblack2006 wrote:

> Thanks to the two of you for your posts. I'm still

> not sure where my brothers stand on

> this--and I think even the research seems fuzzy

> about when someome is Borderline and

> when not and at what point they became that way.

> Maybe the cards are still out for them.

> Maybe the cards are still out even for my BPD mom

> (although I'm not holding my breath).

>

> I guess I've also been guilty of freaking out

> because it feels lonely being the only one in

> the family who is saying, " hey, this is not normal

> and what we've done to deal with it up

> 'till now is not working! " I might be confusing BPD

> with an unwillingness to give up bad

> ways of dealing with a BPD parent.

>

> Trish

>

>

>

> > > > d that my older brudda is a BPD after

> > > > researching more about BPD and reading here.

> Your

> > > > brothers¢ behaviors sound unbalanced, to say

> the

> > > > least. I don¢t know if they¢re BPs. I

> believe my

> > > > older brudda is because he has done the kinds

> of

> > > > deliberate, hostile, sadistic, destructive

> > > behaviors

> > > > that our nada has done toward me all my life,

> as

> > > well,

> > > > like other people describe BPs they know. I

> > > believe

> > > > he¢s always been that way. There¢s evidence

> that,

> > > for

> > > > some, BPD may develop later. It all may

> depend

> > > upon

> > > > genetic and environmental factors.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for your great questions and writing.

> > >

> > > Send instant messages to your online friends

> > > http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

> > >

> > >

> > >