Re: Re: What was the best thing you did for yourselves?

January 4, 2006

Dealing with initiating rare contact. So my nada called at least 20 times

yesterday on all phones. This morning I finally called my father (disrag

dad who enables her- but I LOVE him and I WANT to trust him to be my dad and

protect me).

First he acted dumb- like he had no clue about the calls and my lack of

reponse (over one day of course). Finally we got into it and unfortunately

he offered his usual responses and advice- Bridget your mother is going

through a difficult time, she is emotional, give her a break, she is worried

about abandonment, she is menopausal, she is just having a hard time.

This time my smarter head said- NO. No Dad I am not listening to this

anymore. I cannot worry about her. She is the MOTHER. I am the kid. Why

are you putting this stress on me? I have to live here and create a life of

my own. She has a life, she had her life at 28, her husband, her job, her

kids. Why am I supposed to sacrifice my quality of life for her now?

He listened, but still kept enabling her. Telling me to understand. To

flat out call and tell her I love her. I said Dad- when did I ever in my

life say I hated her? When? He said, I know she just needs reassurance.

So finally I said you need to realize she is sick. There is a name for

this, it will not go away and I am KILLING myself with bulimia Dad. Because

of this- this is eating away at me.

So he semi agreed to read a book, any book on the disease. I said I know

you can't do anything about it and you don't want to- but read it and you'll

see what I mean.

He was just so sad. So sad to hear me say I need to go rare contact. But

what about me Brid? Can you call me? It broke my heart. Who wants to

leave their father? And for the first time in months I can feel the pain.

I want to cry. But then I suck it up and I put up my wall.

Thank you for letting me vent. I will continue to deal. But nothing is

worse than having your dad ask something of you and you cannot do it. I

wish I could grow up.

January 4, 2006

Bridget,

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I know it is hard. But,

please remember, that by taking care of YOU, you ARE growing up. We cannot

always live for our nadas. We, as KO's, deserve our own lives. You are taking a

step that will probably benefit you in the long run, and give you some much

needed respite. Perhaps eventually, you can reinitiate more contact with your

Dad. But for right now, you are the only one that knows why you need to do this

and why it is best. Dealing with an eating disorder is HARD(been there, and

still there from time to time!) and coupling that with coping with nada drama

and such makes it even more difficult. You are in my thoughts.

Bridget Livingston wrote: