Why can't we just detach?

[Guest guest]

HI Everyone,

I had lunch with an old friend who asked about my

NADA. Very briefly, I explained my going NC, then the

less-than-great lunch before Thanksgiving. Her

response: why can't you just detach,let Mom be mom

and let her comments " roll off your back " ? My

response: because she is my mother and I do love her

despite the fact that I don't like her. So her

comments hurt me.

My friend was okay with that response, but I know

there is something more than what I said to my friend

and I cannot " put my finger on it " !

I am doing better in detaching and I know I cannot get

involved with NADA's life. I have decided to keep

things just this side of NC--i.e., VERY

superficial--probably for the sake of my kids. I am

accepting that she will never change. And if my

serenity dies and I become anxious, I won't hesitate

to again go NC. So why does she still get " under my

skin " ? Why does the sound of her voice on my

answering machine stir up my gut?

I would love to hear your input on how you answer

questions like my friend's.

Hugs from my desert oasis,

P.S. And, no, I am not stopping by to see NADA at

Christmas. I learned my lesson at Thanksgiving. As I

learned in AA: doing the same thing over and over and

expecting different results each time is the

definition of insanity!

__________________________________________________