Re: I am sick.So Sick. - OT

[Guest guest]

Terry,

Do NOT apologize! This is what the list is for, after all.

If it's any consolation. my sister went through this and her daughter was an

only child in her home. You know the old saying, The grass is always greener

on the other side of the fence? Well that's what Alec is going through now.

I know it doesn't make it any easier on you guys.

I think a lot of people go through this that have no autism to deal with. It

just makes your problems all the harder. I'm so sorry you guys are going

through this.

Sissi

Re: I am sick.So Sick. - OT

> In a message dated 10/27/2001 10:30:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

> vhunnius@... writes:

>

>

> > You know, I HATE to say it, but I'd be hard pressed to choose between

the

> > two myself. And young kids are so me-centric, he can't possibly

understand

> > the bigger issues.>>

>

> No, he doesn't. He's never been away from me for longer than a week and I

> don't think he has any idea what that would really be like. The other

thing

> is that I don't think that the ex could continue the Disneyland atmosphere

> beyond a certain point. I mean, it's easy enough to do on alternate

weekends

> but how practical is it when you have homework to deal with? So...I'm not

> sure Alec would feel the same about ex's home, all things being equal.

>

> >

> > Oh, YUCK.

> >

> > (((hugs)))

> >

> > So what's next?

> >

> >

>

> Thanks. I'm not sure...we're going to make an appointment this week to

talk

> with my lawyer. Ron and I haven't had too much opportunity to talk in

depth

> about it (both of us being the talkers we are, that sometimes means days

of

> discussion <G>) but I did share with him this morning that I am thinking

> along the lines of letting Alec live with Mike if we could come to some

> arrangement that would protect Alec's interests in the event he continues

to

> have problems there (which I believe he will once the honeymoon period

passes

> though I could be wrong).

>

> That's one of the things that has gotten me so shook about all of

this...that

> I don't see any other way out of this situation. Since it all started

over

> my insistence that Alec being evaluated and treated if needed despite the

ex

> saying no, the only way for me to be proven " right " is to demonstrate that

> Alec indeed has problems. But in doing that, then we're left with being

> accused of causing the problems. And there is no way to demonstrate that

> Alec DOES have problems we didn't cause without him going to live

somewhere

> else. Does that make sense?

>

> You know what galls me about that? What kind of message does that send to

> Alec in the first place? That yes, it is hard to have an autistic sibling

> and if it causes you problems you have the right to live elsewhere?

That's

> what my ex believes and has told Alec...that he shouldn't have to be

EXPOSED

> to the other children. I told him it was a good damn thing that he and I

> didn't happen to have more children and God forbid any of them have

special

> needs...guess we'd have given Alec up for adoption then, huh? At least

the

> bastard had the decency not to respond.

>

> I'm sorry...I know I'm going on and on....and just wait til Ron gets

started <

> G>...I'm going to apologize in advance for us clogging up the list...I did

go

> back and add OT to if that helps any.

>

> Terry - the long winded

> Wife to: Ron

> Mom to: Alec 10, NVLD - Sam 4, Autism - Abbie 3, PDD-NOS

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/27/2001 10:30:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

vhunnius@... writes:

> You know, I HATE to say it, but I'd be hard pressed to choose between the

> two myself. And young kids are so me-centric, he can't possibly understand

> the bigger issues.>>

No, he doesn't. He's never been away from me for longer than a week and I

don't think he has any idea what that would really be like. The other thing

is that I don't think that the ex could continue the Disneyland atmosphere

beyond a certain point. I mean, it's easy enough to do on alternate weekends

but how practical is it when you have homework to deal with? So...I'm not

sure Alec would feel the same about ex's home, all things being equal.

>

> Oh, YUCK.

>

> (((hugs)))

>

> So what's next?

>

>

Thanks. I'm not sure...we're going to make an appointment this week to talk

with my lawyer. Ron and I haven't had too much opportunity to talk in depth

about it (both of us being the talkers we are, that sometimes means days of

discussion <G>) but I did share with him this morning that I am thinking

along the lines of letting Alec live with Mike if we could come to some

arrangement that would protect Alec's interests in the event he continues to

have problems there (which I believe he will once the honeymoon period passes

though I could be wrong).

That's one of the things that has gotten me so shook about all of this...that

I don't see any other way out of this situation. Since it all started over

my insistence that Alec being evaluated and treated if needed despite the ex

saying no, the only way for me to be proven " right " is to demonstrate that

Alec indeed has problems. But in doing that, then we're left with being

accused of causing the problems. And there is no way to demonstrate that

Alec DOES have problems we didn't cause without him going to live somewhere

else. Does that make sense?

You know what galls me about that? What kind of message does that send to

Alec in the first place? That yes, it is hard to have an autistic sibling

and if it causes you problems you have the right to live elsewhere? That's

what my ex believes and has told Alec...that he shouldn't have to be EXPOSED

to the other children. I told him it was a good damn thing that he and I

didn't happen to have more children and God forbid any of them have special

needs...guess we'd have given Alec up for adoption then, huh? At least the

bastard had the decency not to respond.

I'm sorry...I know I'm going on and on....and just wait til Ron gets started <

G>...I'm going to apologize in advance for us clogging up the list...I did go

back and add OT to if that helps any.

Terry - the long winded

Wife to: Ron

Mom to: Alec 10, NVLD - Sam 4, Autism - Abbie 3, PDD-NOS

[Guest guest]

> No, he doesn't. He's never been away from me for longer than a week and I

> don't think he has any idea what that would really be like. The other

thing

> is that I don't think that the ex could continue the Disneyland atmosphere

> beyond a certain point. I mean, it's easy enough to do on alternate

weekends

> but how practical is it when you have homework to deal with? So...I'm not

> sure Alec would feel the same about ex's home, all things being equal.

>

Yeah, reality would be different. In some ways perhaps it might be good to

let him give it a shot. Nothing teaches like reality. Of course, if he

would be missing out on much needed therapy, then I can see that would be a

bad idea. Or if he would be ill-treated.

>

> You know what galls me about that? What kind of message does that send to

> Alec in the first place? That yes, it is hard to have an autistic sibling

> and if it causes you problems you have the right to live elsewhere?

That's

> what my ex believes and has told Alec...that he shouldn't have to be

EXPOSED

> to the other children. I told him it was a good damn thing that he and I

> didn't happen to have more children and God forbid any of them have

special

> needs...guess we'd have given Alec up for adoption then, huh? At least

the

> bastard had the decency not to respond.

Sorry, Terry and Ron, that you are going through this. It's all so unfair.

Salli

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/27/2001 12:16:05 PM Eastern Standard Time,

nitetrax@... writes:

> I think a lot of people go through this that have no autism to deal with. It

> just makes your problems all the harder. I'm so sorry you guys are going

> through this.

>

Thanks, Sissi. And thanks for sharing the story about your sis...gives me

some hope to hear stuff like that so that if Alec does go there, maybe it

won't all be the bed of roses he might think.

******Terry******

Wife to: Ron

Mom to: Alec 10, NVLD - Sam 4, Autism - Abbie 3, PDD-NOS