Guest guest Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 This reminds me of how my mother got mad if she thought my shower went on too long. She was forever pounding on my bathroom door and yelling at me for showering too long. Usually I would shower at different times from my parents, so it's not like I was using all the hot water. I had my own bathroom as my brother was out of the house. As a teenager, I wanted to put a boombox in the bathroom in the morning so I could listen to music while I did my hair and makeup, and just start the day in a good mood. She seemed to feel this would encourage me to be in the bathroom too long or something, as she would not allow me, at 16, to put a stereo in the bathroom while I got ready. Those were two of those nonsensical, controlling things that she did, which took away my moments to relax and enjoy myself. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but that is precisely why it was so weird for her to fight with me about it. She loved to stomp on any simple pleasure of mine. > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, Because, > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to make > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with my > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my underwear > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be looking > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 There was only one bathroom in our house, and so my nada would scream and pound on the door if I was in the shower and she needed to use the toilet. She told me every time how selfish it was of me if I dared to lock the door - It was impossible to have any privacy. However, god forbid that anyone else would need to use the toilet when she was in her shower - she would absolutely refuse to unlock the door and we had to wait for hours! Sara > > > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, Because, > > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to make > > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with my > > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my underwear > > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be looking > > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 Wow, i thought it was just my family that had these odd bathroom behaviors! It's so fascinating to see the similarities across the board. My mother has free reign to walk into or be in the bathroom at any time if any of us (me, my brother or my father) are occupying it. It's weird if we lock the door for something or spend a long period of time in the bathroom; it requires several knocks and questions. In addition, my mother's new thing is that she goes to the gym at 5:00am and feels that when she comes home, she should be able to use the bathroom for as long as she needs to get ready for work (shower, make-up, hair, etc) and will get mad if I need to use the bathroom for anything since I also have to get ready for work! It's like living with a teenager! > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, Because, > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to make > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with my > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my underwear > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be looking > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2007 Report Share Posted August 13, 2007 count me in. In the early years before I started insisting she not come in, she would feel free to come in the bathroom to use the mirror, get something from the cabinet while I was in there on teh toilet or in the shower. And always if I was in the bathroom for " too long " which amounted to more than five minutes, there would be a knock on the door or a question about what I was doing in there and was I " alright? " . No really, I'm passed out the floor, geeesh! The bathroom was the one place I could get any privacy even for those short five minute bits, and I don't doubt it is why I developed overactive bladder > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, Because, > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to make > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with my > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my underwear > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be looking > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2007 Report Share Posted August 13, 2007 > The bathroom was the one place I could get any privacy even for those > short five minute bits, and I don't doubt it is why I developed > overactive bladder > Good point!! me too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2007 Report Share Posted August 13, 2007 Actually, I think we may have the opposite issue. I used to think it was weird that my dad would spend hours a day--literally--in the bathroom. It would drive mom crazy. When I got married, my husband pointed out that it's just about the only place in the house where my dad can escape her. > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, Because, > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to make > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with my > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my underwear > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be looking > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2007 Report Share Posted August 14, 2007 Your " looking for underwear lines " thing reminds me of a boss I used to have. She would torment people until they quit, and then would discuss whether or not they wore pantyhose to the interview for a new job with the prospective employer. Amazing!!! > > > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, > Because, > > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to > make > > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with > my > > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my > underwear > > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be > looking > > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2007 Report Share Posted August 14, 2007 OMG yes! I had to reply to this because my nada drives me crazy doing the EXACT SAME Things. I'm 24 and she STILL barges in on my while I'm in the bathroom at her house, even if I'm in the shower! Infact it seems like she does in on purpose, because it's rare to use the restroom there and not have her coming in. And when we go shopping together she always insists on going into the dressing room with me!!! STILL, at my age! Can you believe that? Oh and the other day she threw a fit because I wouldn't let her come into my doctor appointment with me. I didn't even ask her to come at all, I just mentioned I had a doctor appointment (my mistake) and she butted in and decided she was coming. It was awful. Oh and yes she does that to me about underwear, and bra's too. I think she just likes to embarrass me infront of people. When I get upset or ask her not to, she says " I am being to sensitive and she is only trying to help me. " lol. You have no idea how much better you have just made me feel by posting about this! It's just nice to know I'm not the only one that has to deal with this weird stuff. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2007 Report Share Posted August 14, 2007 Wow, bathroom boundaries! Only in this place are there people who can actually understand that this sort of stuff goes on. Nada did not allow anyone to lock the bathroom door (she claimed that it was just in case we " died " in there, she could get to us - which is a really nice thing to say to a kid). ANyway, it's one thing to not allow the door to be locked, but it's another to feel that you can barge in whenver you want. She used to not only come into the bathroom while I was showering but would then pull back the curtain to peek in and COMMENT ON MY BODY!! It was horrific and, as an adolescent, I was so self-conscious and shy about that stuff. It felt like a huge violation of me to have her standing there critiquing my body and making comparisons with her own body at that age. Anyway, she would also get really angry any time that I had to change and I would try to leave the room to change elsewhere (in privacy). It would send her into a rage about me being mean to her and cold to her, she's my mother and I shouldn't be " hiding " from her, blah, blah, blah! Makes me so mad to remember that!! > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, Because, > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to make > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with my > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my underwear > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be looking > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2007 Report Share Posted August 14, 2007 my nada hated for me to be i the bathrom more than 20 seconds. she would barge in all the time. no locked doors allowed. brada could barge i too and demand that i get out cause it was his turn. One day i accidentally barged in on brada and i got reemed out by nada. Never mind she could barge in whenever she wanted. No wonder i was al lthe time constipated. > > > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, > Because, > > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to > make > > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with > my > > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my > underwear > > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be > looking > > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2007 Report Share Posted August 14, 2007 I don't remember much of my nada's behavior around bathroom privacy issues specifically (I'm still early in delving into my repressed memories of her and my other family members)- but I do have a sense of a lack of privacy and some of these things pop into my memory after reading what you all wrote- her coming into the changing room with me, commenting on and comparing my body to hers, obsessing over her weight and mine, saying inappropriate and personal things at the doctor or to complete strangers (like when I started my period- telling strangers- how humiliating!!!). What struck me about this discussion now (which of course sparked some memories of my nada) is that in my current-soon-to-be-ended relationship (with a BPD) there has always been a lack of boundaries around the bathroom, changing, or other personal privacy issues- and I've gotten similar comments from my partner about hiding from her, or saying " oh honey you are just soooooo sensitive " when she would tell me she was using the bathroom (graphically sometimes) while on the phone with me and I didn't like that, or she keeps the door open when she goes to the bathroom and keeps talking to me and teases me about being too sensitive when I want to close the door when I use the bathroom, she loves to check out my underwear drawer and my pajamas and comment on them, or would stare at me when I was getting dressed or undressed (and make lewd comments sometimes that she would say were her way of appreciating my body or trying to get romantic or whatever and again blame me when I didn't appreciate or respond...) and when I covered up or felt uncomfortable she would again tease me or sometimes just get nasty about what was I trying to hide from her or why was I so shy " didn't I trust her " or other awful manipulative things....all to create a state of my vulnerability- I didn't really put two and two together until I read your posts about this- I just really thought it was truly me being too sensitive/shy/embarassed/prudish or whatever.... the funny thing is that with my own daughter I am not like this at all- I mean, I'm appropriate, but not prudish and I think/hope/believe that I am breaking the cycle with her (over and over again with this stuff I keep discovering isn't normal from my childhood) and maybe this is just another example- I'm teaching her that her body is hers and not mine, and that it is something to rejoice in and celebrate and admire and treat with love and kindness and it's her decision around privacy- not mine!!! my- this has given me some stuff to think about tonight, not fun stuff, but important- thanks all for your posts! > > > > > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > > > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what > you > > > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. > Couldn't > > > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, > > Because, > > > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to > > make > > > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same > with > > my > > > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > > > > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > > > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. > I've > > > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of > her > > > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > > > > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my > > underwear > > > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be > > looking > > > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > > > > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2007 Report Share Posted August 15, 2007 We weren't allowed to lock the bathroom door. One time my brother (2 years older) locked me in the bathroom when I was under 1 yr. old. They jimmied the lock and there I sat, unphased, in the middle of the bathroom floor. No biggie. But my nada was so traumatized by this that we were never allowed to lock the door. And if we spent " too much time " in the bathroom, she would knock and immediately open the door slowly, saying, " Are you all right in there? " Pardon me for bodily functions! Hehe. > > > > > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > > > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what > you > > > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. > Couldn't > > > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, > > Because, > > > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to > > make > > > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same > with > > my > > > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > > > > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > > > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. > I've > > > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of > her > > > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > > > > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my > > underwear > > > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be > > looking > > > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > > > > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2007 Report Share Posted August 15, 2007 I am here to tell you that those are terrible, terrible stories of invasiveness! I am so glad you recognize their inappropriateness and that you have chosen to do something different. But please make no mistake...these things she did were very invasive, and you were NOT being prudish about not liking it! > > I don't remember much of my nada's behavior around bathroom privacy > issues specifically (I'm still early in delving into my repressed > memories of her and my other family members)- but I do have a sense of > a lack of privacy and some of these things pop into my memory after > reading what you all wrote- her coming into the changing room with me, > commenting on and comparing my body to hers, obsessing over her weight > and mine, saying inappropriate and personal things at the doctor or to > complete strangers (like when I started my period- telling strangers- > how humiliating!!!). > > What struck me about this discussion now (which of course sparked some > memories of my nada) is that in my current-soon-to-be-ended > relationship (with a BPD) there has always been a lack of boundaries > around the bathroom, changing, or other personal privacy issues- and > I've gotten similar comments from my partner about hiding from her, or > saying " oh honey you are just soooooo sensitive " when she would tell > me she was using the bathroom (graphically sometimes) while on the > phone with me and I didn't like that, or she keeps the door open when > she goes to the bathroom and keeps talking to me and teases me about > being too sensitive when I want to close the door when I use the > bathroom, she loves to check out my underwear drawer and my pajamas > and comment on them, or would stare at me when I was getting dressed > or undressed (and make lewd comments sometimes that she would say were > her way of appreciating my body or trying to get romantic or whatever > and again blame me when I didn't appreciate or respond...) and when I > covered up or felt uncomfortable she would again tease me or sometimes > just get nasty about what was I trying to hide from her or why was I > so shy " didn't I trust her " or other awful manipulative things....all > to create a state of my vulnerability- I didn't really put two and two > together until I read your posts about this- I just really thought it > was truly me being too sensitive/shy/embarassed/prudish or whatever.... > > the funny thing is that with my own daughter I am not like this at > all- I mean, I'm appropriate, but not prudish and I think/hope/believe > that I am breaking the cycle with her (over and over again with this > stuff I keep discovering isn't normal from my childhood) and maybe > this is just another example- I'm teaching her that her body is hers > and not mine, and that it is something to rejoice in and celebrate and > admire and treat with love and kindness and it's her decision around > privacy- not mine!!! > > my- this has given me some stuff to think about tonight, not fun > stuff, but important- thanks all for your posts! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2007 Report Share Posted August 17, 2007 > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what you > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, Because, > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to make > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with my > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. I've > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my underwear > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be looking > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? It was great to read your post because I have exactly the same problem with my Mum. When I lived at home she would seemingly deliberately walk in when I was in the bathroom and so would my Dad. They objected to me being in there even though they didn't want to use it. They didn't see why they should respect my privacy or dignity (even though I was 21 when I left home). It was like my body " belonged " to them! I've said it before on this site, but my Mum used to grab at my breasts and crotch area as well and pooh pooh! me when I objected. (The last time she grabbed my crotch was 8 years ago when I was 39 years old!) My Mum also had a preoccupation with underwear - though it manifested itself in a different way to yours. I find I still feel angry now at her lack of respect for me and my body. Jeanie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2007 Report Share Posted August 18, 2007 LOL here too! And I am way over 50! I am trying limited contact with my nada after over 3.5 years of no contact. And I have come to find out that resuming contact with nada is somewhat like picking up on a soap opera that you haven't seen in a few years - she is still exactly the same. It is a bit easier for me to take because I have been no contact, and because I better understand how each of her infuriating and dysfunctional behaviors directly relates to BPD. Nevertheless, I still have to guard myself against being retraumatized, and the limited contact will be VERY limited. Sylvia OMG yes! I had to reply to this because my nada drives me crazy doing > the EXACT SAME Things. I'm 24 and she STILL barges in on my while I'm > in the bathroom at her house, even if I'm in the shower! Infact it > seems like she does in on purpose, because it's rare to use the > restroom there and not have her coming in. And when we go shopping > together she always insists on going into the dressing room with me!!! > STILL, at my age! Can you believe that? Oh and the other day she threw > a fit because I wouldn't let her come into my doctor appointment with > me. I didn't even ask her to come at all, I just mentioned I had a > doctor appointment (my mistake) and she butted in and decided she was > coming. It was awful. Oh and yes she does that to me about underwear, > and bra's too. I think she just likes to embarrass me infront of > people. When I get upset or ask her not to, she says " I am being to > sensitive and she is only trying to help me. " lol. You have no idea how > much better you have just made me feel by posting about this! It's just > nice to know I'm not the only one that has to deal with this weird > stuff. Thanks. > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! > Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Yahoo! Games. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2007 Report Share Posted August 18, 2007 Best of luck with your LC, Sylvia. Actually, mine is NC-ing me now, and that's a strange feeling. I like the NC, but I'd like it to be my idea, ya know??? <grin> I expect I just need to be grateful that it is NC and take it anyway I can get it. Good to be hearing your strength and wisdom shining out again, by the way. -Leslye smhtrain2 wrote: LOL here too! And I am way over 50! I am trying limited contact with my nada after over 3.5 years of no contact. And I have come to find out that resuming contact with nada is somewhat like picking up on a soap opera that you haven't seen in a few years - she is still exactly the same. It is a bit easier for me to take because I have been no contact, and because I better understand how each of her infuriating and dysfunctional behaviors directly relates to BPD. Nevertheless, I still have to guard myself against being retraumatized, and the limited contact will be VERY limited. Sylvia OMG yes! I had to reply to this because my nada drives me crazy doing > the EXACT SAME Things. I'm 24 and she STILL barges in on my while I'm > in the bathroom at her house, even if I'm in the shower! Infact it > seems like she does in on purpose, because it's rare to use the > restroom there and not have her coming in. And when we go shopping > together she always insists on going into the dressing room with me!!! > STILL, at my age! Can you believe that? Oh and the other day she threw > a fit because I wouldn't let her come into my doctor appointment with > me. I didn't even ask her to come at all, I just mentioned I had a > doctor appointment (my mistake) and she butted in and decided she was > coming. It was awful. Oh and yes she does that to me about underwear, > and bra's too. I think she just likes to embarrass me infront of > people. When I get upset or ask her not to, she says " I am being to > sensitive and she is only trying to help me. " lol. You have no idea how > much better you have just made me feel by posting about this! It's just > nice to know I'm not the only one that has to deal with this weird > stuff. Thanks. > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! > Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Yahoo! Games. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2007 Report Share Posted August 18, 2007 Anybody else's Mom carry on a phone conversation from the bathroom, and you can hear what's happening? ICK! OMG yes! I had to reply to this because my nada drives me crazy doing > the EXACT SAME Things. I'm 24 and she STILL barges in on my while I'm > in the bathroom at her house, even if I'm in the shower! Infact it > seems like she does in on purpose, because it's rare to use the > restroom there and not have her coming in. And when we go shopping > together she always insists on going into the dressing room with me!!! > STILL, at my age! Can you believe that? Oh and the other day she threw > a fit because I wouldn't let her come into my doctor appointment with > me. I didn't even ask her to come at all, I just mentioned I had a > doctor appointment (my mistake) and she butted in and decided she was > coming. It was awful. Oh and yes she does that to me about underwear, > and bra's too. I think she just likes to embarrass me infront of > people. When I get upset or ask her not to, she says " I am being to > sensitive and she is only trying to help me. " lol. You have no idea how > much better you have just made me feel by posting about this! It's just > nice to know I'm not the only one that has to deal with this weird > stuff. Thanks. > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Boardwalk for $500? In 2007? Ha! > Play Monopoly Here and Now (it's updated for today's economy) at Yahoo! Games. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2007 Report Share Posted August 18, 2007 Wow - I thought I was the only one in the world who dealt with this kind of weirdness. My mom, too, freaks out if I spend more than 30 seconds in the bathroom, and knocks on the door and asks in a weird, strangled whisper if I am " all right " in there. " What could possibly be wrong? " I used to get constipated every time she visited! I remember as a kid I'd never use our toilet at home if I could help it, always would go in school. She even does this " are you alright? " routine in public toilets. I finally reamed her out about this, in a public washroom in front of everyone, and she hasn't done it since. She doesn't, thank god, deliberately grab at me the way you describe (which constitutes sexual abuse IMHO, by the way). But she does do several things that creep my out, like saying, if I put on a new outfit " Wow, you look sexy " (stopped this one, too) or " accidentally " touching my butt more than it reasonably seems could be accidental. Like she'll touch my back and her hand will trail sort over my butt. Or one we were taking a photograph and she decided it would be " funny " to " goose " me " in the ribs " . Instead she " accidentally " crammed her hand up my butt. (and yes, she got a talking to about this stuff too and hasn't done it since) Yuck, creeps me out just thinking about it. Letty > > > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter what > you > > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. Couldn't > > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, > Because, > > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it to > make > > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same with > my > > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of not > > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. > I've > > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of her > > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my > underwear > > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be > looking > > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > > It was great to read your post because I have exactly the same > problem with my Mum. When I lived at home she would seemingly > deliberately walk in when I was in the bathroom and so would my > Dad. They objected to me being in there even though they didn't > want to use it. They didn't see why they should respect my privacy > or dignity (even though I was 21 when I left home). It was like my > body " belonged " to them! > > I've said it before on this site, but my Mum used to grab at my > breasts and crotch area as well and pooh pooh! me when I objected. > (The last time she grabbed my crotch was 8 years ago when I was 39 > years old!) > > My Mum also had a preoccupation with underwear - though it > manifested itself in a different way to yours. > > I find I still feel angry now at her lack of respect for me and my > body. > > Jeanie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 20, 2007 Report Share Posted August 20, 2007 Hello - IMHO - means " in my humble opinion " . Yep, I hope you find a way of setting that boundary with her. One friend, a very gorgeous and curvaceous woman who was always getting " accidentally " touched by creeps on the subway, used to grab their hand, jerk it sky-ward and call out " Does anyone know whose hand this is? Because I just found it on my butt! " Perhaps something similar is called for. > > > > > > > > Did any of you have to deal with the non-bathroom boundaries? > > > > No boundaries allowed. She could walk in on you no matter > what > > > you > > > > were doing, and did. My BPD husband did the same things. > Couldn't > > > > even dress privately. At first she told me that it was ok, > > > Because, > > > > we were both girls. But, then it seemed she purposely did it > to > > > make > > > > me feel vulnerable and put herself in a one up position. Same > with > > > my > > > > x husband- who broke in if I locked the door for privacy. > > > > > > > > Mom even looked for my underwear and frequently accused me of > not > > > > wearing it if the lines were not visible. This is just rude. > > > I've > > > > always been an underwear wearer and quite frankly it is non of > her > > > > business what kind of underwear I'm wearing-if any. > > > > > > > > Now that I'm 41 years old, I catch her still looking for my > > > underwear > > > > lines. I've told her that is so rude, even disgusting to be > > > looking > > > > at people's underwear. But, she persists. > > > > > > > > What is it about bathroom boundaries anyways? > > > > > > It was great to read your post because I have exactly the same > > > problem with my Mum. When I lived at home she would seemingly > > > deliberately walk in when I was in the bathroom and so would my > > > Dad. They objected to me being in there even though they didn't > > > want to use it. They didn't see why they should respect my > privacy > > > or dignity (even though I was 21 when I left home). It was like > my > > > body " belonged " to them! > > > > > > I've said it before on this site, but my Mum used to grab at my > > > breasts and crotch area as well and pooh pooh! me when I > objected. > > > (The last time she grabbed my crotch was 8 years ago when I was > 39 > > > years old!) > > > > > > My Mum also had a preoccupation with underwear - though it > > > manifested itself in a different way to yours. > > > > > > I find I still feel angry now at her lack of respect for me and > my > > > body. > > > > > > Jeanie > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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