Sherry's ATotD: Tue Oct 11 2005

[Guest guest]

-Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. -

Fyodor Dostoyevski

When I love myself enough...

I work toward stopping lying to myself.

Now that you are in recovery are you

working toward becoming truthful with yourself?

Denial is probably the most used defense methods we develop to deal with

things we feel ill equip to handle. (Denial is just a fancy name for lying to

ones self.) We lie about all sort of things.

In my case I lied to myself about the kind of relationship I had with my

toxic relative. I needed to lie in order to continue the relationship. As a

COE,

I lied to myself about the severity of my condition; so that I could

continue to comfort myself and create pleasurable feelings for myself whenever

I

wanted them. Before recovery, I needed and used this defense method to give me

a

buffer between myself and the feelings of pain and helplessness which I

could not change.

Today, I am able accept the truth about my relationships and my COE

condition and deal with the truth that most things in the world I cannot

change. I

can accept feelings of pain that this creates and deal with it accordantly.

Today I know I can turn these things and my concern over to my higher power.