Re: When non borderline children become parents

[Guest guest]

Hi all,Trish that is a great point, I really agree. I know so much

of the time my mom was yelling and it was easy for me to tune her

out. Because my oldest son was a part of her life in the first 2 and

½ years I think she has had some affect on him as well for the

tuning out part. Because she was really in her prim during those

years and we were living with her. When we first moved out my son

was a completely different person than who he is now (the same goes

for me) but I know we all have some fleas. It was funny because when

we first moved out people who we were not close with said to me

about 2 months after we moved out " what have you been doing

differently with your son he is so much better now, he is so well

behaved. " Then I told them we had a fight with my mom and moved out

of her house they were astonished the negative impact she had on

him.

One more thing I wanted to chime in on was somebody was talking

about spanking. I also wanted to say; when a child is hitting their

sibling and you spank them for a punishment it just seems so

hypocritical. I can't say that I have never spanked my child but I

think that should be reserved for more like a swat on the hand for a

2 year old not spanking an 8 year old. I just don't understand it;

to me it seems humiliating and degrading. I agree to when you make a

child bring you the weapon it is like making them participate in the

abuse. Like my mom for example would have me give her the ping pong

paddle I hated it, sometimes I would hide it or put books down my

pants which always resulted in a bigger punishment. I did slap the

hands of my children in the beginning but now with the knowledge

that I have I can't say that I would do the same thing over again

this was before I knew about bpd and any parenting skills I was

still reading practicing and learning. I had a friend give me a book

one time in the early years and it was basically about how to

discipline your children by spanking and make sure you don't spare

the rod. I thought it was so ridicules I couldn't even find one page

I agreed with. My husband and I are firm but not in that way we both

disagreed with the books we paid her for them but never went with

her to the classes or followed through with this method of

discipline. I think when a child feels secure this is more important

and they feel secure when they feel love. It is not necessary to

show violence to get your way. Just some thoughts Love Lizzy

> > > > >

> > > > > I have two children. My oldest is 8 years old. For eight

> > years

> > > > now,

> > > > > I have struggled with my parenting skills. I am wondering

> if

> > > > anyone

> > > > > else has had similar difficulties.

> > > > >

> > > > > My biggest concern is expressing my anger. I am trying

sooo

> > > hard

> > > > not

> > > > > to be like my mother and question myself everytime I lose

my

> > > > cool. I

> > > > > do NOT rage, although in the beginning I did. My son has

> ADHD

> > > > (always

> > > > > wanting more and never being totally satisfied) and his

> > > behaviors

> > > > are

> > > > > a HUGE trigger for me.

> > > > >

> > > > > Any advice or similar circumstances out there?

> > > > >

> > > > > KW

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I haven't been able to post much lately due to a crazy summer and

computer issues. I saw this thread and have been reading the posts as

I can relate so much to all of you. I am the daughter of a ubpd/apd

nada, and have three children 4 and under. I also was diagnosed with

ADHD about a year ago. ADHD tends to run in families, so chances are

one or more of my children will have it too. I have a few resources I

thought I would share. I haven't gotten to all the posts, so I

apologize if I am repeating.

For ADHD:

I second the recommendation for CHADD - great organization with local

groups all over.

ADDitudemag.com - they have a print magazine, as well as a free e-zine

and post a lot of their articles on the web. I get both. The back to

school issue that just came out has all kinds of tips for those with

school age kids. They tend to be very balanced in their approach, and

have articles both for parents, and for adults with adhd.

Driven to Distraction and Delivered to Distraction - both books by two

Harvard educated MDs who both have ADHD. They have lots of tips for

coping, and are the best books I have read so far.

For parenting:

I also use 123 Magic. It has been great. It's hard for me to just

count and not say anything else, so I have had mixed results, but when

I do it as recommended it works great.

Parenting with Love and Logic. I don't know how this works with ADHD

kids, but the concept is great. It is about allowing your children to

experience the consequences of their actions now while they are making

little mistakes so they can learn to make good choices instead of

obeying you without thought and then not having the ability to decide

things for themselves later. It is a very calm, logical approach that

is very hard to do but works great when I can pull it off. I am just

starting to use this with my daughter and it works very well. At this

age (4) it is pretty simple stuff - " well, you can get dressed now and

play outside with us. We are going to have a lot of fun. Or you can

stay here in your nightgown and princess shoes. It's your choice. " and

then I walk away. Totally stops the tantrum when she doesn't have an

audience, and give her a chance to make a good choice while saving

face.

I struggle with yelling sometimes too. With three little kids, the

decibel level in our house can get very high. I have found that

lowering my voice often works better than raising it. I have also

talked to them about looking at someone when they are talking to you

and acknowledging what they say. If someone doesn't listen, I make

sure I am right in front at eye level before I repeat myself. It also

helps if I consistently use 123 magic without making the request

multiple times. But there have been a few times when I have yelled and

I don't like it. It is something I am working on. I do see a huge

difference between me and Nada though. I am a very conscious parent.

If I need to learn something, I go out and seek the info. If I am

struggling with something, I get whatever help I need. And I'm not

afraid to admit mistakes and apologize to my kids, or even take a

timeout myself " Mommy's feeling a little grumpy. I'm going to go in

the other room for some quiet time to get rid of the grumpies and then

we can play.... " I'm definitely not a perfect parent, but I am proud

of the way I am parenting my kids. Sometimes I am too hard on myself,

but then I remember what my childhood was like. I know I am giving my

kids the childhood I never had. Not a perfect one, but one full of

love, safety, security, hugs and laughter. And if there is something I

don't like, I know I can work on it. That would have never occurred to

my nada - she would never acknowledge that she was doing anything

wrong, much less work on it.

Thanks for starting this thread! This is one of the big reasons I

always wished I knew other people like me. I worry so much about

parenting my kids. It's nice to share those concerns with others in

the same boat and hear your ideas.

Fresabird

> I have read many books about ADHD and parenting. I've had to learn to

> be a

> parent without a good teacher. I am an only child of a BPD mom. The

> book

> 1-2-3 magic by Dr. Phalen is an excellent read. CHADD.org is a great

> on

> line resource for ADD/ADHD.

>

> I initiated this " topic " a few days ago because I feel guilty for

> getting so

> angry. I will raise my voice rarely, but inside I'm screaming. It is

> such

> a trigger for me because that is how I feel when I'm around my mother.

> I

> want to rant and rave but keep it in. I know some of his behavior is

> the

> disorder...doesn't that sound familiar? Did I mention he also has

> tourettes...he grunts and sniffs constantly. He is very sensitive and

> wouldn't hurt a fly, but he can really test my patience. Ughh. I

> know I'm

> still a better mother than my mother ever could have been, but the

> GUILT...God the GUILT !!

>

> KW

>

>

>>

>> Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

>> To: WTOAdultChildren1

>> Subject: Re: When non borderline children become

>> parents

>> Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2006 23:41:11 -0000

>>

>> Thank you all for the advice and posts on this topic. It really was

>> one I have been thinking on also so I am glad not to be alone! I am

>> glad to hear super nanny has a book to I always love that show! I

>> think I heard something about it on Opera one day but was unable to

>> watch because I was busy with the kids. Anyways I love super nanny I

>> always watch and look for tips but I am so grateful because I

>> think " well at least things are not that bad at our house:) " I can

>> usually get a giggle from it.

>> Oh that is a good idea btw to think of something cute they do when

>> you are mad. Like this afternoon we were getting water ready because

>> we went on a 4 mile bike ride so we had to pack a snack and drinks

>> for the kids to make a stop. Well as I was filling the water jug my

>> 4 year old was so impatient for it to fill he pulled the jug out of

>> my hand water went flying every where, all over all of us and the

>> floor and the fridge. Initially I was mad because everything

>> including me was wet (with the exception of the water bottle) I was

>> thinking why did you do that why didn't you wait patiently? Then I

>> got to thinking that it was pretty funny that he couldn't wait and I

>> busted out laughing! My husband was a little mad at both me and my

>> son I am not sure why I didn't do any thing but fill the water but

>> whatever!

>> If my sons teacher says something again this year (about the ADHD

>> and ODD) I will certainly have him tested with the school because

>> this will be the 3rd teacher to say something. He is only going into

>> the 1st grade but we moved and both his kinder teachers thought he

>> possibly had something. I talked to a T. about this she was the T.

>> also of the school but I saw her at the clinic nothing to do with

>> the school and she felt he potentially had ADHD and ODD because of

>> his symptoms. However with moving and everything else we never

>> pressed the issue. We can see what happens this year. Until then I

>> will keep envisioning my self like the beach boys song Aruba Jamaica

>> ooh I wana take ya! Planning like Kayla said for the future and save

>> my sanity!!!! Lol Does anybody have a pina colada they can spare?

>> Just kidding Love Lizzy

>>

>>>>

>>>> I have two children. My oldest is 8 years old. For eight years

>>> now,

>>>> I have struggled with my parenting skills. I am wondering if

>>> anyone

>>>> else has had similar difficulties.

>>>>

>>>> My biggest concern is expressing my anger. I am trying sooo

>> hard

>>> not

>>>> to be like my mother and question myself everytime I lose my

>> cool.

>>> I

>>>> do NOT rage, although in the beginning I did. My son has ADHD

>>> (always

>>>> wanting more and never being totally satisfied) and his

>> behaviors

>>> are

>>>> a HUGE trigger for me.

>>>>

>>>> Any advice or similar circumstances out there?

>>>>

>>>> KW

>>>>

>>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>>

>> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

>> @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT

>> Respond ON

>> THE GROUP.

>>

>> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

>> () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the

>> Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,”

>> (Roth)

>> which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>>

>> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author

>> SWOE

>> and the SWOE Workbook.

>>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the additional resources. I can't wait to check them out.

KW

>From: fresabird@...

>Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

>To: WTOAdultChildren1

>Subject: Re: Re: When non borderline children become

>parents

>Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2006 17:37:15 -0700

>

>I haven't been able to post much lately due to a crazy summer and

>computer issues. I saw this thread and have been reading the posts as

>I can relate so much to all of you. I am the daughter of a ubpd/apd

>nada, and have three children 4 and under. I also was diagnosed with

>ADHD about a year ago. ADHD tends to run in families, so chances are

>one or more of my children will have it too. I have a few resources I

>thought I would share. I haven't gotten to all the posts, so I

>apologize if I am repeating.

>

>For ADHD:

>

>I second the recommendation for CHADD - great organization with local

>groups all over.

>

>ADDitudemag.com - they have a print magazine, as well as a free e-zine

>and post a lot of their articles on the web. I get both. The back to

>school issue that just came out has all kinds of tips for those with

>school age kids. They tend to be very balanced in their approach, and

>have articles both for parents, and for adults with adhd.

>

>Driven to Distraction and Delivered to Distraction - both books by two

>Harvard educated MDs who both have ADHD. They have lots of tips for

>coping, and are the best books I have read so far.

>

>For parenting:

>

>I also use 123 Magic. It has been great. It's hard for me to just

>count and not say anything else, so I have had mixed results, but when

>I do it as recommended it works great.

>

>Parenting with Love and Logic. I don't know how this works with ADHD

>kids, but the concept is great. It is about allowing your children to

>experience the consequences of their actions now while they are making

>little mistakes so they can learn to make good choices instead of

>obeying you without thought and then not having the ability to decide

>things for themselves later. It is a very calm, logical approach that

>is very hard to do but works great when I can pull it off. I am just

>starting to use this with my daughter and it works very well. At this

>age (4) it is pretty simple stuff - " well, you can get dressed now and

>play outside with us. We are going to have a lot of fun. Or you can

>stay here in your nightgown and princess shoes. It's your choice. " and

>then I walk away. Totally stops the tantrum when she doesn't have an

>audience, and give her a chance to make a good choice while saving

>face.

>

>I struggle with yelling sometimes too. With three little kids, the

>decibel level in our house can get very high. I have found that

>lowering my voice often works better than raising it. I have also

>talked to them about looking at someone when they are talking to you

>and acknowledging what they say. If someone doesn't listen, I make

>sure I am right in front at eye level before I repeat myself. It also

>helps if I consistently use 123 magic without making the request

>multiple times. But there have been a few times when I have yelled and

>I don't like it. It is something I am working on. I do see a huge

>difference between me and Nada though. I am a very conscious parent.

>If I need to learn something, I go out and seek the info. If I am

>struggling with something, I get whatever help I need. And I'm not

>afraid to admit mistakes and apologize to my kids, or even take a

>timeout myself " Mommy's feeling a little grumpy. I'm going to go in

>the other room for some quiet time to get rid of the grumpies and then

>we can play.... " I'm definitely not a perfect parent, but I am proud

>of the way I am parenting my kids. Sometimes I am too hard on myself,

>but then I remember what my childhood was like. I know I am giving my

>kids the childhood I never had. Not a perfect one, but one full of

>love, safety, security, hugs and laughter. And if there is something I

>don't like, I know I can work on it. That would have never occurred to

>my nada - she would never acknowledge that she was doing anything

>wrong, much less work on it.

>

>Thanks for starting this thread! This is one of the big reasons I

>always wished I knew other people like me. I worry so much about

>parenting my kids. It's nice to share those concerns with others in

>the same boat and hear your ideas.

>

>Fresabird

>

>

>

> > I have read many books about ADHD and parenting. I've had to learn to

> > be a

> > parent without a good teacher. I am an only child of a BPD mom. The

> > book

> > 1-2-3 magic by Dr. Phalen is an excellent read. CHADD.org is a great

> > on

> > line resource for ADD/ADHD.

> >

> > I initiated this " topic " a few days ago because I feel guilty for

> > getting so

> > angry. I will raise my voice rarely, but inside I'm screaming. It is

> > such

> > a trigger for me because that is how I feel when I'm around my mother.

> > I

> > want to rant and rave but keep it in. I know some of his behavior is

> > the

> > disorder...doesn't that sound familiar? Did I mention he also has

> > tourettes...he grunts and sniffs constantly. He is very sensitive and

> > wouldn't hurt a fly, but he can really test my patience. Ughh. I

> > know I'm

> > still a better mother than my mother ever could have been, but the

> > GUILT...God the GUILT !!

> >

> > KW

> >

> >

> >>

> >> Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

> >> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> >> Subject: Re: When non borderline children become

> >> parents

> >> Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2006 23:41:11 -0000

> >>

> >> Thank you all for the advice and posts on this topic. It really was

> >> one I have been thinking on also so I am glad not to be alone! I am

> >> glad to hear super nanny has a book to I always love that show! I

> >> think I heard something about it on Opera one day but was unable to

> >> watch because I was busy with the kids. Anyways I love super nanny I

> >> always watch and look for tips but I am so grateful because I

> >> think " well at least things are not that bad at our house:) " I can

> >> usually get a giggle from it.

> >> Oh that is a good idea btw to think of something cute they do when

> >> you are mad. Like this afternoon we were getting water ready because

> >> we went on a 4 mile bike ride so we had to pack a snack and drinks

> >> for the kids to make a stop. Well as I was filling the water jug my

> >> 4 year old was so impatient for it to fill he pulled the jug out of

> >> my hand water went flying every where, all over all of us and the

> >> floor and the fridge. Initially I was mad because everything

> >> including me was wet (with the exception of the water bottle) I was

> >> thinking why did you do that why didn't you wait patiently? Then I

> >> got to thinking that it was pretty funny that he couldn't wait and I

> >> busted out laughing! My husband was a little mad at both me and my

> >> son I am not sure why I didn't do any thing but fill the water but

> >> whatever!

> >> If my sons teacher says something again this year (about the ADHD

> >> and ODD) I will certainly have him tested with the school because

> >> this will be the 3rd teacher to say something. He is only going into

> >> the 1st grade but we moved and both his kinder teachers thought he

> >> possibly had something. I talked to a T. about this she was the T.

> >> also of the school but I saw her at the clinic nothing to do with

> >> the school and she felt he potentially had ADHD and ODD because of

> >> his symptoms. However with moving and everything else we never

> >> pressed the issue. We can see what happens this year. Until then I

> >> will keep envisioning my self like the beach boys song Aruba Jamaica

> >> ooh I wana take ya! Planning like Kayla said for the future and save

> >> my sanity!!!! Lol Does anybody have a pina colada they can spare?

> >> Just kidding Love Lizzy

> >>

> >>>>

> >>>> I have two children. My oldest is 8 years old. For eight years

> >>> now,

> >>>> I have struggled with my parenting skills. I am wondering if

> >>> anyone

> >>>> else has had similar difficulties.

> >>>>

> >>>> My biggest concern is expressing my anger. I am trying sooo

> >> hard

> >>> not

> >>>> to be like my mother and question myself everytime I lose my

> >> cool.

> >>> I

> >>>> do NOT rage, although in the beginning I did. My son has ADHD

> >>> (always

> >>>> wanting more and never being totally satisfied) and his

> >> behaviors

> >>> are

> >>>> a HUGE trigger for me.

> >>>>

> >>>> Any advice or similar circumstances out there?

> >>>>

> >>>> KW

> >>>>

> >>>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

> >> @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT

> >> Respond ON

> >> THE GROUP.

> >>

> >> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

> >> () for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the

> >> Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,”

> >> (Roth)

> >> which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> >>

> >> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author

> >> SWOE

> >> and the SWOE Workbook.

> >>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I have anger and trigger problems too. I have an 8 y/o step son. I have

been " in the picture " since he was two. He is rarely satisfied, no matter how

hard I, or anyone else tries. He compares me to his mom and picks my efforts to

shreds. I know some of this is age related behavior, but he has an overwhelming

and inappropriate sense of entitlement. He wants and expects people to drop what

they are doing and cater to him. And then after you do what he wants, he

expresses his dissatisfaction with what you did. He wants more and more and is

rarely satisfied. My step son reminds me of my nada- that's an awful trigger for

me!

I also have a 2 y/o daughter. She is happy and independent- the opposite of my

stepson! She can play in her room or outside without needing to be entertained

by someone else.

I feel like I'm going crazy when i'm around my stepson. No one else in the

family wants to acknowledge that he has some serious problems- probably b/c they

don't spend as much time with him as I do. I'm home with my kids while my

husband is at work and we only see the grandparents once a week. My husband

still feels guilty about not being the greatest parent when he(stepson) was a

baby. (He was in a crappy marriage and did not spend a lot of time at home b/c

of it.) Stepson's mom is emotionally retarded and seems to think he is a thing

instead of a person. She doesn't know how to love him like a mother is supposed

to, and subsequently fuels his dysfunction this early in life. I really am

afraid some days- I think about his future and worry that he is going to be

dangerous with his sense of entitlement.

Sorry to sound gloomy and doomy. I am struggling with this right now.

Adria

>

> I have two children. My oldest is 8 years old. For eight years

now,

> I have struggled with my parenting skills. I am wondering if

anyone

> else has had similar difficulties.

>

> My biggest concern is expressing my anger. I am trying sooo hard

not

> to be like my mother and question myself everytime I lose my

cool. I

> do NOT rage, although in the beginning I did. My son has ADHD

(always

> wanting more and never being totally satisfied) and his behaviors

are

> a HUGE trigger for me.

>

> Any advice or similar circumstances out there?

>

> KW

>

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline

Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

I know my children -- especially when they were 8 years old -- would

have been heartbroken to have their dad gone from the home,

remarried and raising another child. It's happened to a couple of

their friends and they look on it with extreme sadness. It's hard

to imagine a young child " visiting " his dad, who is raising another

child. One divorced dad moved back into the same neighborhood with

his new wife and her 2 kids. So now, his original children get

to " visit " their Dad, knowing that he's in the home with two other

children they hardly know. These other children are the ones who

get to tell their dad " goodnight " every night -- and " good morning "

over breakfast. It's just heart wrenching to think of what that

does to a young child.

And if his mother is " emotionally retarded " on top of that, then

this young child who's only been on this earth for 8 years, has a

mountain to deal with.

It could be that you could be the one to save this child. You could

be the loving home that he goes to and can escape the emotional

immaturity of his mother. And all you have to do is look past his 8

year old behavior and give him steadfast, emotionally healthy love.

I pray that you'll be that person he looks back on as an adult and

says " I thank God every day for bringing her into my life. She's

my " real " mother. "

He's got a lot to deal with and probably feels a little unloved due

to circumstances, so he's testing you, fully expecting (in his young

mind) that you'll reject him just like everybody else -- that he

really is unlovable. I think if you let him know that despite

his " triggers " and despite his acting out, that you're still there

in his corner and that you still love him, things will turn around.

> >

> > I have two children. My oldest is 8 years old. For eight years

> now,

> > I have struggled with my parenting skills. I am wondering if

> anyone

> > else has had similar difficulties.

> >

> > My biggest concern is expressing my anger. I am trying sooo hard

> not

> > to be like my mother and question myself everytime I lose my

> cool. I

> > do NOT rage, although in the beginning I did. My son has ADHD

> (always

> > wanting more and never being totally satisfied) and his

behaviors

> are

> > a HUGE trigger for me.

> >

> > Any advice or similar circumstances out there?

> >

> > KW

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @...

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

SHELL () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding

the Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

Parent, " (Roth) which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the

WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

author SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.

>

[Guest guest]

I would have your stepson evaluated by a mental health professional. From

you description it sounds like he might have some underlying issues like

depression going on. In children especially (they tend to lack insight and

experience) depression can manifest itself as always wanting more. If you

aren't happy with the way things are now, then you tend to think that you

will be happy when things change- when you get more stuff, more

opportunities, better effort from parental figures, etc. Only when you do

get what you want you still aren't happy so this means you have to increase

those efforts to get what it is that you think might make you happy. The

problem is is that line of thinking is flawed because the depression itself

is usually what prevents people from being happy.

Now I have no idea if this is the case with your stepson- I am just

guessing. I think his attitude could be caused by a lot of things including

bad habbits. I could be that way though- never satisfied.

-Ata

>

> Yes, I have anger and trigger problems too. I have an 8 y/o step son. I

> have been " in the picture " since he was two. He is rarely satisfied, no

> matter how hard I, or anyone else tries. He compares me to his mom and picks

> my efforts to shreds. I know some of this is age related behavior, but he

> has an overwhelming and inappropriate sense of entitlement. He wants and

> expects people to drop what they are doing and cater to him. And then after

> you do what he wants, he expresses his dissatisfaction with what you did. He

> wants more and more and is rarely satisfied. My step son reminds me of my

> nada- that's an awful trigger for me!

>

> I also have a 2 y/o daughter. She is happy and independent- the opposite

> of my stepson! She can play in her room or outside without needing to be

> entertained by someone else.

>

> I feel like I'm going crazy when i'm around my stepson. No one else in the

> family wants to acknowledge that he has some serious problems- probably b/c

> they don't spend as much time with him as I do. I'm home with my kids while

> my husband is at work and we only see the grandparents once a week. My

> husband still feels guilty about not being the greatest parent when

> he(stepson) was a baby. (He was in a crappy marriage and did not spend a lot

> of time at home b/c of it.) Stepson's mom is emotionally retarded and seems

> to think he is a thing instead of a person. She doesn't know how to love him

> like a mother is supposed to, and subsequently fuels his dysfunction this

> early in life. I really am afraid some days- I think about his future and

> worry that he is going to be dangerous with his sense of entitlement.

>

> Sorry to sound gloomy and doomy. I am struggling with this right now.

>

> Adria

>

>

>

> >

> > I have two children. My oldest is 8 years old. For eight years

> now,

> > I have struggled with my parenting skills. I am wondering if

> anyone

> > else has had similar difficulties.

> >

> > My biggest concern is expressing my anger. I am trying sooo hard

> not

> > to be like my mother and question myself everytime I lose my

> cool. I

> > do NOT rage, although in the beginning I did. My son has ADHD

> (always

> > wanting more and never being totally satisfied) and his behaviors

> are

> > a HUGE trigger for me.

> >

> > Any advice or similar circumstances out there?

> >

> > KW

> >

>

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> () for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

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>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

> and the SWOE Workbook.

>