Nada themes

August 18, 2006

I read the discussion of themes regarding nada behavior and wanted

to add the my thoughts.

Money

Most interesting is that nada and all of her sisters married into

very wealthy families. Nada considers money her god; I use to joke

that her favorite color is green. Nada explains away her obsession

with money with the fact that she grew up during the depression. I

am sure that " depression child " does come into play with her thought

process. She concentrates in making friends and talking to people

that have money, it is high on her priority list. Her favorite

buddy is a widow that lives nearby. This widow left a husband when

he began having medical problems and married a very wealthy older

man who left her extremely well off financially. They are both so

shallow it is unsettling to be around them for any length of time.

Abandoment

On a trip to visit nada several years ago, nada, nada's friend and

myself drove to visit a museum. We entered the museum, I walked

over to a picture. When I turned around nada and friend where no

longer in sight. I spent the next two hours watching for them with

growing panic. When I began to cry I went into the restroom until I

could regain my composure. I made the decision to enjoy what I

could of the museum and then took a seat by the door where we came

into the place. What was so bizarre is that when nada and friend

reappeared, nada apologized and asked me several times, " are you

sure you did not see us? " (it was my fault) And I told her that it

was ok, even though it was not ok, it trigged all the ugly times

nada I left me in stores, with other people and any time she wanted

to park me because of her needs. The visit was traumatic and took

me nearly six months to recover.

tr

Oh boy, is nada a martyr; and I need to watch my behavior so I do

not mirror martyr in my own life, to accept responsibility for my

words and actions. Nada talks A LOT about how cruel her mother

was to her; nada does not see that her words and actions mirror what

grandmother taught her….and it just goes on.

One last one: I made nada a grandmother at age 36; this child is

now 50. Nada says anytime there is a family gathering " I became a

grandmother at 36 " so nada has been saying this for 15 years more

that the child that made her a grandmother. Several times I have

stated that Loretta Lynn became a grandmother at age 27 (true) and

nada was very put out. ggggg.

Blessings, mg

August 19, 2006

Dido! My nada thought money was God. She never married it, though.

She always wanted me to marry money so she could feel important.

I am not married. I have done well for myself. Dug myself out of

hell and am still digging. She was never proud of that, not really.

It would have been better for me to marry wealthy that to be smart

and independent. She valued looks over substance. Everyone of her

daughters got the looks. I think in some ways to this day I still

rebel against that. I want to be seen for what I know and can do

versus how I look. I will go to work clean and neat, but no make up

and no frills. I do not care one bit who looks at me or not. I do

believe you should take care of yourself and there is nothing wrong

with looking good, just that should not be the focus of ones

universe.

Sometimes I think I'm too independent. I can remeber grewing up and

on many occasions saying to myself I will never be anything like

her, I am not. I think I need to find the happy medium.

>

> I read the discussion of themes regarding nada behavior and wanted

> to add the my thoughts.

>

> Money

> Most interesting is that nada and all of her sisters married into

> very wealthy families. Nada considers money her god; I use to

joke

> that her favorite color is green. Nada explains away her

obsession

> with money with the fact that she grew up during the depression.

I

> am sure that " depression child " does come into play with her

thought

> process. She concentrates in making friends and talking to people

> that have money, it is high on her priority list. Her favorite

> buddy is a widow that lives nearby. This widow left a husband

when

> he began having medical problems and married a very wealthy older

> man who left her extremely well off financially. They are both so

> shallow it is unsettling to be around them for any length of

time.

>

> Abandoment

> On a trip to visit nada several years ago, nada, nada's friend and

> myself drove to visit a museum. We entered the museum, I walked

> over to a picture. When I turned around nada and friend where no

> longer in sight. I spent the next two hours watching for them

with

> growing panic. When I began to cry I went into the restroom until

I

> could regain my composure. I made the decision to enjoy what I

> could of the museum and then took a seat by the door where we came

> into the place. What was so bizarre is that when nada and friend

> reappeared, nada apologized and asked me several times, " are you

> sure you did not see us? " (it was my fault) And I told her that

it

> was ok, even though it was not ok, it trigged all the ugly times

> nada I left me in stores, with other people and any time she

wanted

> to park me because of her needs. The visit was traumatic and took

> me nearly six months to recover.

>

> tr

> Oh boy, is nada a martyr; and I need to watch my behavior so I do

> not mirror martyr in my own life, to accept responsibility for my

> words and actions. Nada talks A LOT about how cruel her mother

> was to her; nada does not see that her words and actions mirror

what

> grandmother taught her….and it just goes on.

>

> One last one: I made nada a grandmother at age 36; this child is

> now 50. Nada says anytime there is a family gathering " I became a

> grandmother at 36 " so nada has been saying this for 15 years more

> that the child that made her a grandmother. Several times I have

> stated that Loretta Lynn became a grandmother at age 27 (true) and

> nada was very put out. ggggg.

>

> Blessings, mg

>

August 19, 2006

>

> Sometimes I think I'm too independent. I can remeber grewing up and

on many occasions saying to myself I will never be anything like

her, I am not. I think I need to find the happy medium.>>>

******I know what you mean. I am very idependent and have done

everything I can my whole life not to be my mother. I think when you

are so intent on doing the opposite of someone you are, in a way,

still in their control. It's hard to know who you would have been if

you hadn't had all that pressure to not be her. Dee

August 19, 2006

I can't begin to even draw a clear agreement to all the things that my nada

has in common with yours...I'm going to share a couple of mine, but not in

exactly the same order:

Money

A very BIG, BIG factor with my nada....as I have posted before, she feels

like she can just write a check to make her bad behavior go away. I

remember when I moved out of her house on my 18th birthday, I left my cat

there just for a couple of days....I knew the door would be open to my new

apartment most of the time in order to move furniture in and out and it was

the dead of winter. I wanted to wait until my place was secure before I

brought my cat there...now keep in mind this cat was a WORLD CHAMPION...he

graced to cover of Cat Fancy TWICE and my nada seemed very quick to share

that fact with everyone (despite the fact that she never, not ONCE offered

me any type of moral support me while I was showing him...except for the

last show when he won nationals...and she showed up just in time to step

into the photos with us)...because he was often then center of her

conversations, I felt like he was safe there for a couple days....WRONG!! He

" disappeared " almost within 24 hours of my moving...but hey...she bought me

a new dining room set, and a glass table that I had been salivation over

since Christmas....recently, when I brought up the fact that my most

precious things seem to go " missing " around her she retorted " well, I bought

you a very expensive dining room set...so I don't think it is appropriate

that you bring that up " ....apparently....for everythingthing else there

really is mastercard.

Martyr

Oh...big time...big time, big time, big time....I won't even start on the

comparisons here...suffice it to say, if ever there was a martyr olympics...

all of our nadas would be there.

Abandonment

Now this is where I have found I have developed some big time fleas...I can

t think of one single instance that my nada ever picked me up from an after

school even more than 3 hours late. I can remember begging a janitor for

spare change in high school to call her for the 12th time, sobbing and

begging her to please leave to pick me up....she would always say she was on

her way, but there I stood....a couple hours later, STILL waiting for her.

We only lived 15 miles away, but walking just was never an option for me ( I

guess because I was afraid to)....of course I would get dressed down all the

way home from borrowing a money from a janitor to call her (back to the

money thing)...i guess giving me money, or actually picking me up when she

was supposed to never occured to her. I have noticed that now that I am

older her abandonment thing has gotten MUCH, much worse...she is doing the

same thing to my kids now....just a couple weeks ago my daughter made plans

to go to her friends house...she(my daughter) said that she had it all

worked out, I would drop her off at her friends house and my nada would pick

her up the next day. Wouldn't you know it....as SOON as I drove in the

driveway from dropping her off, there was a note on my door.... " something

came up...I can't pick up tomorrow " (At lease she said something...

usually she just doesn't show)....so after going about 15 rounds she agreed

she would do it since she promised....wouldn't you know it, about 4 hours

after she said she was leaving to pick my daugther up, my daughter still

wasn't home....my daughter ended up calling me in tears saying she was

starting to walk home (about 45 miles away) because my nada never showed. I

ended up calling a neighbor to borrow their car....get this...BEFORE i could

pull out of their driveway, she called me on my cell, cussing me out because

I was an embarrasement to HER....how dare I borrow the neighbors car!! She

said she was on her way home with my daughter and threatened to call social

services because she found my daughter walking home....my daughter arrived

home a sobbing mess begging me not to hate her (my daughter) for accepting a

ride with her....she was shaking and crying...i honestly thought she was

going to pass out. I was so busy trying to console my daughter, I never did

light into my nada the way I intended. My daughter is still very panic

stricken now over being picked up....she has been totally traumatized...the

sad thing is that this ONE event has totally crushed her....all of the self

confidence that she had, and in a blink of an eye...poof....gone. And you

know what? I'm not even going to bother lighting into my nada....it's like

yelling at water because it's wet...i'm going to focus all of my energy into

building my daughter back up...hatred and anger are hatred and anger....and

unconditional love, is unconditional love...let the chips fall where they

may...and may unconditional love fill our hearts with the void that the BPD

s created.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

-- Nada themes