Admitting the need for and getting help

[Guest guest]

Jan,

It’s okay with me that you “don't think [you’re] able

to be of much support to others just yet”. That you

shared with humility and a sincere desire to heal and

recover is enough for me. I’ve also had “lots of

therapy” and other work, and “I've seen my family and

myself more clearly because of this group. This group

has made me see that I have a long way to go.” For

me, admitting the need for and getting help is a

strength and takes leadership skills.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- Jan Bowers wrote:

> Hi group.

> Joining this board has been far more of a painful

> journey for me than I ever expected. I guess I just

> didn't expect much. I've been conditioned to that

> kind of thinking where people are concerned.

> Instead, I have read my own heart over and over

> again. First, I am blown away that there are

> actually others that feel my feelings and struggle

> my struggles. I totally identify but I can't

> respond, I'm frozen. I've never communicated with

> people like me, with people like you.

> Every subject this week has been like reading my

> life. The over trusting/under trusting/ the not

> riding in car pools/ the keeping people away/letting

> the wrong people too close/the suicide drama/ the

> attention it gets/the lack of attention it gets/the

> grandchildren!!

> There is not a subject that has been posted that

> isn't my life.

>

> It has been an over whelming reflection of my

> reality. It has made me acutely aware of my

> inherited emotional illness. I don't think I'm able

> to be of much support to others just yet, but you

> have sure been support to me!

>

> Is that okay? For now?

>

> I've had lots of therapy and thought I was " healed

> and above it all " until I joined this group. I've

> seen my family and myself more clearly because of

> this group. this group has made me see that I have a

> long way to go.

>

> Geeze, after a BPD mother, I even have to ask your

> permission to stay involved here because I don't

> think I have enough to offer just yet. I think I'm

> at the need level and not the support level. That is

> hard for me because I have over compensated by never

> needing, never being vulnerable, always being

> strong, in control and far above my families

> sickness. Way to classy to be grouped in with the

> foo! Huh, this week has been a huge wake up call

> for me and my inherited sickness. Very humbling. I

> have little to offer to others just now and am far

> more in need of your support.

>

> I can't tell you how hard that is for me to admit. I

> never need! I always give! I am the support! I am

> the strength! I am the voice of sanity! I am the

> brain! I cannot be weak. I could never be weak, I

> cannot be vulnerable. Too many count on me to be the

> brain to be the strength, to be the support, to be

> the sanity.

>

> To ask you for your acceptance of my weakness and to

> ask you to be my support for a while is huge for me.

> I have never asked for help. I have never joined a

> group of any kind without offering my skills. This

> is hard for me. I'm a leader. This is hard for me.

> Jan

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

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