Re: Question? [Memory] Former BPD

[Guest guest]

You said you were dianosed with BPD in 1995 and got help. How are

you doing with that? I am pleased that you got the help you needed

and wish you well. I am so please that a recovering borderline is

out there. It is nice to know that some do get better. i wish that

my sisters would get help. Too late for nada, she passed away last

year.

> > >

> > >Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > >To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > >Subject: Question?

> > >Date: Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:33:53 -0000

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I do not understand something I was told and also read.

Borderlines

> > >do not remember past events. Out of sight out of mind.

> > >Okay, why was it that my nada never forgot anything in her

childhood

> > >or in the past when she felt she was wronged?

> > >I am serious. Can someone explain this to me. Do they have

selective

> > >memories? Maybe this has something to do with never thinking

you do

> > >wrong? I do not understand this.

>

> In 1995, I was diagnosed with BPD. With the help of therapy, I

did

> the pull your socks up bit and home-schooled myself into my

present

> evolution of Recovering Borderline. I am presently living in the

> guesthouse of my non-diagnosed BP mother, who has done tons of

> therapy but none of it works as they all try to get in her pants.

(no

> comment needed, right?...)

>

> Anyway, looking back, I can't remember my mom, now 78, presenting

any

> of the symptoms of BPD. It wasn't until this past decade or so

that

> her behavior has become so very toxic. I came to this list as I

was

> trying to find info about pathological liars.

>

> And I think that's part of her particular genesis of BPD. Her

> disorder is her comfort zone, and her selective memory feeds that

comfort zone.

>

> She used to be a high roller in the entertainment biz and now

she's

> just an old woman with nothing to make her look important to the

rest

> of the world...there's nothing special about her and no reason for

> her to feel superior to everybody else, so she revels in the past

and

> remembers mostly the rotten things done to her so as to make

people

> focus on her and put their energy into her world. Her selective

> memory helps her, in some ways; it gives her some relief, I

> think. At least the few good memories...the ones we hear over and

> over and over.

>

> I don't want to rant on about my mom. I can't fault her for being

> sick; she was a child during WW2 and suffered through the bombs in

> the UK...so you can imagine how today's news is aggravating her

> behavioral tendencies -- to the point that sometimes she says

stuff

> so racist, I can't believe it's coming from the same woman who

used

> to read to us about all the world's religions. She was molested

as a

> child, too, by family, which really complicates things.

>

> I do get frustrated when I obsess about the most recent tirade and

I

> have to try to sleep without meds (sleeping-pill free for 14

months!).

>

> My own personal grasp of memories is, like many of you, in

> chunks. Most of them are negative, but there are quite a few good

> ones, too. I've been trying to piece my existence together since

> I've been reading this list. There certainly are a lot of holes.

>

> I just want to thank you guys for opening up. It is so remarkably

> helpful to read your thoughts and experiences.

>

> D

>

> > My nada and my sisters can remeber a

> > >heck of alot. I have a hard time remebering my childhood. I have

> > >gotten better, but have a long way to go. My theropist told me

I have

> > >to get out those memories and validate them to get rid of the

shame I

> > >feel from childhood. I agree. I just can't remeber alot. Anyone

else

> > >have this problem?

>

[Guest guest]

At 09:58 8/9/2006, WTOAdultChildren1 wrote:

>4c.

> Posted by: " maryec73 " maryec73@... maryec73

> Date: Wed Aug 9, 2006 3:47 am (PDT)

>

>

>You said you were dianosed with BPD in 1995 and got help. How are

>you doing with that? I am pleased that you got the help you needed

>and wish you well. I am so please that a recovering borderline is

>out there. It is nice to know that some do get better. i wish that

>my sisters would get help. Too late for nada, she passed away last

>year.

Help first surfaced when I was in the psych ward and group was

mandatory. I loathed and despised group, but went. Our clinician

was all about " mindfulness " , which I thought was a truckload of

bovine flop. Because I joined in, they thought that was progress and

so on I went to the next level; talk to a special psychologist who

was interviewing to see if some of the patients were this vague

newish thing called Borderline Personality Disorder. Turns out I met

all the criteria plus some stuff from my history, so they and I

planned out my therapy using this school of thought by Marsha Linehan

(sp?), her workbooks and my word that I would stick to the plan.

Long story short, I slowly adapted the plan to my rearranged life and

together with support from my family and my own stubborn

determination, some meditation and yoga, a move to the mountains and

eating lots of humble pie, I have let go of the behavior and my need

to self-medicate (which kept me sane during single-parenthood). In

retrospect, I guess I looked at all this as my new role in life.

The thing that keeps me going these days is physical fitness. I

absolutely believe that activity geared towards physical health is

paramount in anyone's life. That and breathing. Sounds silly, I

know, but a very helpful friend who took herself from crippling

social anxiety disorder to a successful career as a personal business

coach, really taught me how to focus on the breathing at the onset of

any type of anxiety or anger or ADD. Just focus on your diaphragm

and breath slowly in and out. It's remarkable. Of course, the yoga

was simply an obvious next step.

I'm sorry to hear that you won't be able to make any headway with

your nada, if it turned out that would have been possible, but

perhaps your sisters could benefit from this somehow.

It's so difficult to experience someone so close who is so sick,

knowing it's fixable.

D

[Guest guest]

I completely agree with exericse and the right food. My theropist

has told me take carebof the body and it will help take care of the

mind. I have bad anxiety and mild depression. My diet and exercise

has gotten alot better on the past 6 months, however I've fallen off

the wagon a couple of times. It is training yourself to adopt new

habits which takes time and some pitfalls.

> >4c.

> > Posted by: " maryec73 " maryec73@... maryec73

> > Date: Wed Aug 9, 2006 3:47 am (PDT)

> >

> >

> >You said you were dianosed with BPD in 1995 and got help. How are

> >you doing with that? I am pleased that you got the help you needed

> >and wish you well. I am so please that a recovering borderline is

> >out there. It is nice to know that some do get better. i wish that

> >my sisters would get help. Too late for nada, she passed away last

> >year.

>

> Help first surfaced when I was in the psych ward and group was

> mandatory. I loathed and despised group, but went. Our clinician

> was all about " mindfulness " , which I thought was a truckload of

> bovine flop. Because I joined in, they thought that was progress

and

> so on I went to the next level; talk to a special psychologist who

> was interviewing to see if some of the patients were this vague

> newish thing called Borderline Personality Disorder. Turns out I

met

> all the criteria plus some stuff from my history, so they and I

> planned out my therapy using this school of thought by Marsha

Linehan

> (sp?), her workbooks and my word that I would stick to the plan.

>

> Long story short, I slowly adapted the plan to my rearranged life

and

> together with support from my family and my own stubborn

> determination, some meditation and yoga, a move to the mountains

and

> eating lots of humble pie, I have let go of the behavior and my

need

> to self-medicate (which kept me sane during single-parenthood).

In

> retrospect, I guess I looked at all this as my new role in life.

>

> The thing that keeps me going these days is physical fitness. I

> absolutely believe that activity geared towards physical health is

> paramount in anyone's life. That and breathing. Sounds silly, I

> know, but a very helpful friend who took herself from crippling

> social anxiety disorder to a successful career as a personal

business

> coach, really taught me how to focus on the breathing at the onset

of

> any type of anxiety or anger or ADD. Just focus on your diaphragm

> and breath slowly in and out. It's remarkable. Of course, the

yoga

> was simply an obvious next step.

>

> I'm sorry to hear that you won't be able to make any headway with

> your nada, if it turned out that would have been possible, but

> perhaps your sisters could benefit from this somehow.

>

> It's so difficult to experience someone so close who is so sick,

> knowing it's fixable.

> D

>

[Guest guest]

Reading this makes me cry I only wish my nada could be like that and

change. She just doesn't seem like she could. Anyways I am proud of

you for working at that and changing. Thank you for sharing your

story it does give hope even for a second. Love Lizzy

> >4c.

> > Posted by: " maryec73 " maryec73@... maryec73

> > Date: Wed Aug 9, 2006 3:47 am (PDT)

> >

> >

> >You said you were dianosed with BPD in 1995 and got help. How are

> >you doing with that? I am pleased that you got the help you needed

> >and wish you well. I am so please that a recovering borderline is

> >out there. It is nice to know that some do get better. i wish that

> >my sisters would get help. Too late for nada, she passed away last

> >year.

>

> Help first surfaced when I was in the psych ward and group was

> mandatory. I loathed and despised group, but went. Our clinician

> was all about " mindfulness " , which I thought was a truckload of

> bovine flop. Because I joined in, they thought that was progress

and

> so on I went to the next level; talk to a special psychologist who

> was interviewing to see if some of the patients were this vague

> newish thing called Borderline Personality Disorder. Turns out I

met

> all the criteria plus some stuff from my history, so they and I

> planned out my therapy using this school of thought by Marsha

Linehan

> (sp?), her workbooks and my word that I would stick to the plan.

>

> Long story short, I slowly adapted the plan to my rearranged life

and

> together with support from my family and my own stubborn

> determination, some meditation and yoga, a move to the mountains

and

> eating lots of humble pie, I have let go of the behavior and my

need

> to self-medicate (which kept me sane during single-parenthood).

In

> retrospect, I guess I looked at all this as my new role in life.

>

> The thing that keeps me going these days is physical fitness. I

> absolutely believe that activity geared towards physical health is

> paramount in anyone's life. That and breathing. Sounds silly, I

> know, but a very helpful friend who took herself from crippling

> social anxiety disorder to a successful career as a personal

business

> coach, really taught me how to focus on the breathing at the onset

of

> any type of anxiety or anger or ADD. Just focus on your diaphragm

> and breath slowly in and out. It's remarkable. Of course, the

yoga

> was simply an obvious next step.

>

> I'm sorry to hear that you won't be able to make any headway with

> your nada, if it turned out that would have been possible, but

> perhaps your sisters could benefit from this somehow.

>

> It's so difficult to experience someone so close who is so sick,

> knowing it's fixable.

> D

>