Re: The other shoe is dropping......

[Guest guest]

Good luck. I know it must be hard for you. I haven't been there so I can't

say what it is like but that it is going to get better.

-Ata

>

> For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada and

> I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> most.

>

> She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what I

> would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their grandparents

> and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not my

> brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> fed up with nada too).

>

> So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any good.

>

> She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for years.

> I guess good luck to them.

>

> Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so great

> he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard I

> realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I am

> a child again when I have to listen to it.

>

> Lori

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lori, my thoughts are with you!

I know this dynamic so well -- the nada deliberately choosing the most hurtful

items to take away to punish you for defying her...

I'll borrow from someone's earlier posting and say that BPs try to push us into

black-and-white thinking. Any distance or break you give yourself becomes

permanent abandonment in their mind, and right away they want to make you suffer

as much as possible any way they can (that's how it works in my case, anyway).

In taking a step back (which may turn out to be permanent NC, who knows?) you're

giving yourself some much-needed time and space... if your nada wants to go into

therapy over it, great! If she wants some stuff back, fine. If she accuses you

of hurting your kids by permanently depriving them of a relationship with their

grandparents -- that hasn't happened yet! You're talking 7 days and I'm sure

your kids haven't even noticed.

Good for you for giving yourself some distance! Don't let her dramatics pull

you in or manipulate you -- you're doing what's best for you and your kids by

standing up for yourself!

Shana

The other shoe is dropping......

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

> and

> I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

> waiting

> for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

> that

> she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

> the

> most.

>

> She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

> what I

> would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

> loved

> them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> grandparents

> and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

> my

> brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

> the

> hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

> his

> son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

> got

> fed up with nada too).

>

> So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

> signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> good.

>

> She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> years.

> I guess good luck to them.

>

> Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> great

> he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

> plugged.

> He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

> hard I

> realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

> just

> couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like

> I am

> a child again when I have to listen to it.

>

> Lori

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You are not a child anymore. You are a strong adult who has a lot more

information in her pocket then years ago. Breaking all ties and sending the

" objects " to her without a note was difficult. Your instinct is probably to

say what is on your mind...surely she should understand where you are coming

from?! NEVER try to rationalize with an irrational person. She will store

the information like a squirrel and throw them at you later.

Her voice is obviously a trigger for you. Disconnect your answering machine

and tell those most important to you to leave you a message at a friends

house or on a cell phone. YOU have control now. YOU decide when you want

to hear her ugly voice. Get a notebook and write down what was said. We

recovering non-BPDers tend to " forgive and forget " what was said to us.

This will help to remind you how awful she was/is to you.

Big hugs and Best wishes through the next adventure. You are on the roller

coaster ride (the scarey part that makes you want to barf) but the end of

the ride is just past the loop-d-loop.

Hold on tight and remember you are supported here !!

KW

>

>Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

>To: WTOAdultChildren1

>Subject: Re: The other shoe is dropping......

>Date: Thu, 17 Aug 2006 02:24:58 -0500

>

>Good luck. I know it must be hard for you. I haven't been there so I

>can't

>say what it is like but that it is going to get better.

>

>-Ata

>

>

>

> >

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

A BPs desire to hurt us this way reminds me of the practice of

spanking where the child is made to bring the paddle to the parent -

forcing the child to participate in his/her abuse. And this action

is just another indication of how unmother-like our nada's are.

My nada would often take back things as a form of punishment. It

took me a very, very, very long time to understand that she had

absolutely no right to do so. And that I did not have to comply!

Once something is given to you, it is yours, and our nadas and fadas

have no right to expect they can just take them back.

Your nada telling you to return these items is forcing you to

participate in the abuse. If these items belong to you, it is your

decision as to whether or not you give them back to your parents.

(Understand about the key - it is after all, their house.)

On the other hand, I have slowly rid myself of many things that my

nada gave me as gifts over the years. I chose to not have these

physical reminders around. (I am NC for almost three years!) I

understand also about not wanting to hear her voice. After these

three years, I still shudder over the thought of listening to my

nada's voice.

I wrote in another post about becoming temporarily depressed when I

went NC. Up to that time, I had spent my whole life trying to make

nada happy - and here I was making a decision that would not only

make her unhappy, but it was so contrary to all that my foo had done

to avoid upsetting her in any way. I was doing the unthinkable -

taking care of myself by refusing to be abused by nada, and holding

her accountable for her actions.

I am glad to hear that you have the understanding and support of

your husband. As for you children, although our BP parents are

often better as grandparents, that is not always the case. You are

not depriving your children of anything by keeping them away from

dysfunctional grandparents!

Best of luck, keep on posting, and take care,

Sylvia

>

> For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

and

> I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> most.

>

> She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what

I

> would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

grandparents

> and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

my

> brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> fed up with nada too).

>

> So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

good.

>

> She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

years.

> I guess good luck to them.

>

> Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

great

> he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard

I

> realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I

am

> a child again when I have to listen to it.

>

> Lori

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry for you having to go thru this Lori. I don't know how I

would feel if my Fada asked me to give back object previously given in

affection. ly, I don't think I would send them back, I'm

stubborn like that. Where would it end? Would he want me to repay

him for the years he fed me under his roof? Rent for the time I spent

there? He can't give me back many things he took from my childhood:

my sense of security, my trust, my relationships with friends/family

he's alienated. I'd feel no obligation to return anything to him.

But on the other hand, if it's the objects that now harbor bad

memories for you, definitely send them back. Maybe if there's

anything else around your house that you can't bear to look at because

of the memories, send it back too! When I finally moved out of my

house, I took certain things, and left certain things, because of what

they meant to me.

When you are packing up that box to send back to your parents, imagine

all the other things you are packing up with it; all the emotional

baggage they've given you as well (even if the box doesn't seem big

enough). You can be strong, and I can tell from your writings you

have a husband and children who love you very much.

-Kath

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

-Semisonic

>

> For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada and

> I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> most.

>

> She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what I

> would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their grandparents

> and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not my

> brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> fed up with nada too).

>

> So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any good.

>

> She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for years.

> I guess good luck to them.

>

> Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so great

> he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard I

> realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I am

> a child again when I have to listen to it.

>

> Lori

>

[Guest guest]

I can relate -- my dad likes to use the old " we need to see the

kids " ......trying to make me feel guilty when they are the ones who

are never available or turn down our invitations.

My thoughts are with you, too, Lori.....

>

> Lori, my thoughts are with you!

>

> I know this dynamic so well -- the nada deliberately choosing the

most hurtful items to take away to punish you for defying her...

>

> I'll borrow from someone's earlier posting and say that BPs try to

push us into black-and-white thinking. Any distance or break you

give yourself becomes permanent abandonment in their mind, and right

away they want to make you suffer as much as possible any way they

can (that's how it works in my case, anyway). In taking a step back

(which may turn out to be permanent NC, who knows?) you're giving

yourself some much-needed time and space... if your nada wants to go

into therapy over it, great! If she wants some stuff back, fine.

If she accuses you of hurting your kids by permanently depriving

them of a relationship with their grandparents -- that hasn't

happened yet! You're talking 7 days and I'm sure your kids haven't

even noticed.

>

> Good for you for giving yourself some distance! Don't let her

dramatics pull you in or manipulate you -- you're doing what's best

for you and your kids by standing up for yourself!

>

> Shana

>

>

>

>

> The other shoe is dropping......

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

>

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

> > and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

> > waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

> > that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

> > the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

> > what I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

> > loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> > grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

> > my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

> > the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

> > his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

> > got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> > would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

> > signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> > good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> > years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> > great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

> > plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

> > hard I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

> > just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like

> > I am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lori,

I sent you a response, but it didn't seem to get posted. I

mentioned several things similar to what Kath put in her post. 1 -

That these items were given to you, therefore they belong to you,

and it is now your decision as to what you do with them - keep them,

give them to someone else, throw them away, give them back, etc. It

is a real shocker to our BP parent and his/her enabler when we start

to take back our own authority.

I make another comment about getting rid of anything that held bad

energy (memories). Again, these are your choices and your

decisions, regardless of how your parents may feel about the

issues!

And finally, you don't even have to return the key!!! If they are

so determined to not allow you access to their house, they can incur

the cost of having their locks changed. Now I understand that you

may not want to go to that level, but I just wanted to use that as

an example of what is really in your control, not in the control of

your parents.

How good it is that you have a husband who is so supportive. I am

sure you will get through this - just keep your focus on what you

are going to gain.

Take care,

Sylvia

> >

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

what I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

hard I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like

I am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lori, Sounds SOOO familiar, I can totally sympathize with you. I

know you can make it you have a great plan doing the signed ups

thing and you have strong husband to help you! You can do it keep

posting and let us know what is going on I know it is so hard but

you can do it. Protect your children and stay in unity with your

husband this is just the beginning. Love Lizzy

>

> For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

and

> I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> most.

>

> She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what

I

> would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

grandparents

> and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

my

> brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> fed up with nada too).

>

> So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

good.

>

> She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

years.

> I guess good luck to them.

>

> Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

great

> he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard

I

> realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I

am

> a child again when I have to listen to it.

>

> Lori

>

[Guest guest]

Lori,

I agree with Lizzy and Shana. Good job taking care of yourself. Having a

supportive dh (dear husband) is a blessing. Hang it there.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> Lori, Sounds SOOO familiar, I can totally sympathize with you. I

> know you can make it you have a great plan doing the signed ups

> thing and you have strong husband to help you! You can do it keep

> posting and let us know what is going on I know it is so hard but

> you can do it. Protect your children and stay in unity with your

> husband this is just the beginning. Love Lizzy

>

> >

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

> and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what

> I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

> my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard

> I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I

> am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

>So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any good.

>

********Lori, I think you have made the best possible choice. In

these situations there isn't a choice that doesn't have pain attached

to it.

And yes, you are right, it wouldn't do any good to try to defend

yourself or put the blame where it belongs in a note. Actions speak

much louder than words anyway. She will get the message. You are

through with playing the game. Letting your husband listen to the

message was a good thing to do. I know how just the sound of her

voice can feel. It takes time to get over these emotional, automatic

responses. We have been trained so well. It has taken me two years,

but 99% if the time I am able to not have that gut wrenching anxiety

and guilt I used to have. Stay here, reading and posting, and keep

reading the books. This all was what helped me to get where I am. My

best to you. Dee

[Guest guest]

>

> She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

>through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for years.

>I guess good luck to them.

If your nada is like mine, they probably have not called a counselor.

They may never call a counselor. And if they do, the discussions

will never center around what's wrong with her. BP's can't have been

responsible for anything bad.

In a recent post I told how my mother said she had had a stroke and

needed surgery on her carotid artery. She said she couldn't have the

surgery because she was too stressed. All of this was a loud message

basically telling me I was killing her because I had defied her and

spoken my mind about her intrusiveness and controlling nature.

Anyway, bottom line, she never had a stroke, never needed the surgery

and never died. (She is now almost 97.) Even back then, before I

knew about BPD, I knew it was a cock and bull story, designed to make

me feel worthless and guilty. I am proud to say I didn't buy into it

then. I am much stronger now. I owe a lot to this board and the

books I have read. Dee

[Guest guest]

KW, Thank you for the biggest belly laugh I have had all week! Just

the image of nada as a squirrel storing information like nuts just

to throw them at me later was so funny! I've never thought of it

like that. She does remind me alot of a squirrel.

Lori

> > >

> > > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with

nada and

> > > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

waiting

> > > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

that

> > > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer,

dad's

> > > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

the

> > > most.

> > >

> > > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

what I

> > > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

loved

> > > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

grandparents

> > > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but

not my

> > > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

the

> > > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he

didn't

> > > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

his

> > > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

got

> > > fed up with nada too).

> > >

> > > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

would

> > > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

signed

> > > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although

the

> > > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

good.

> > >

> > > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

years.

> > > I guess good luck to them.

> > >

> > > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

great

> > > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

plugged.

> > > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

hard I

> > > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

just

> > > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel

like I am

> > > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> > >

> > > Lori

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thank you so kindly to everyone that has replied to my post late

last night. This morning was better as I gathered the items up. I

had thoughts of sending other things that weren't mentioned on the

list but I decided against it because it would give nada an open

doorway of communication to request more items. She made her

request, I gave her the items and it is done with. If she " forgot "

something, then it is her fault, too bad.

UPS is delivering tomorrow with signature only, so there will be no

funny business on nada's part. It was a relief to see the box go. It

was like saying goodbye to guilt and obligation because when nada

gives you something it is never really yours.

Lori

>

> For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

and

> I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> most.

>

> She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what

I

> would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

grandparents

> and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

my

> brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> fed up with nada too).

>

> So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

good.

>

> She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

years.

> I guess good luck to them.

>

> Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

great

> he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard

I

> realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I

am

> a child again when I have to listen to it.

>

> Lori

>

[Guest guest]

hi, My nada also has left me messages for months

demanding I Send back items she gave me as gifts-

diamond earrings/ necklace/ tapes and stuff. She told

me since I'm no longer her daughter, she wants them

back.

I chuckled when I read that you mailed the items back

with no note. I didn't include a note when I mailed my

stuff back either. not so much because I wanted to

tell her off - i guess it was my little rebellion

since I always used to get in trouble as a kid if I

sent her something and didn't include a note. she

considered it rude.

My DH also has to screen my Voicemails for her calls.

I too, sit with my ears plugged so I don't have to

listen to her voice. IT makes me sick to my stomach.

So I just changed my phone #....

all that to say, you're not alone. Maybe the BP get

together at conferences and exchange ideas or

something.

--- lamb0678 wrote:

> For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days

> now with nada and

> I have decided that this is good for me to continue.

> I was waiting

> for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a

> message on the

> answering machine tonight from nada stating the list

> of items that

> she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and

> saucer, dad's

> baby ring and their house key. All the things

> intended to hurt the

> most.

>

> She said some nasty things about me and said she

> didn't know what I

> would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and

> that they loved

> them very much. Also, I was taking them away from

> their grandparents

> and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years

> back, but not my

> brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor

> with her. the

> hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last

> year he didn't

> speak to them for 8 years and told them if they

> wanted to see his

> son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She

> eventually got

> fed up with nada too).

>

> So after a long discussion with my Husband, we

> decided that I would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be

> delivered and signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there

> although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it

> wouldn't do any good.

>

> She also informed me that they are going to

> counseling to " get

> through this " . I have been begging her to get

> counseling for years.

> I guess good luck to them.

>

> Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My

> husband is so great

> he listened to the message in our bedroom while I

> stood in my

> sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my

> ears plugged.

> He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my

> ears so hard I

> realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the

> message. I just

> couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful,

> I feel like I am

> a child again when I have to listen to it.

>

> Lori

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Lori, it sounds like your decision to send the stuff back was a good

one for you and that you did it for yourself, not out of guilt or

fear or manipulation. I am not NC with my nada, but I do from time

to time cut off contact when she gets too out of controll. At these

times, I don't even listen to her messages, just delete as soon as I

hear her voice and onviously I don't respond. I don't feel it's my

respsonability to listen to her messages or do anything she requests

at these times.

Trish

> >

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

> and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

what

> I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

> my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

hard

> I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like

I

> am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you, Lori -- stay strong!

Your nada's behavior really is so childish and pathetic... It's sad to see

adults behave that way, but with BPs we're dealing with emotional toddlers.

She's like a spoiled kid in a sandbox -- if you won't play how she wants, she

takes back her toys!

I've gone NC with my nada several times over the years -- the longest was about

1-1/2 years. Each time, she felt equally wronged and victimized and never

changed or learned anything from the experience -- but the important thing is, I

did. You deserve some time away from her -- and if you choose to keep her out

of your life forever, that's your right!

(And much as she claimed to love her grandson -- and how I was hurting him by

having NC with her -- she's never been that interested in spending time with him

when she can. He's just a pawn she uses to make me feel guilty!)

Shana

Re: The other shoe is dropping......

To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Thank you so kindly to everyone that has replied to my post late

> last night. This morning was better as I gathered the items up.

> I

> had thoughts of sending other things that weren't mentioned on

> the

> list but I decided against it because it would give nada an open

> doorway of communication to request more items. She made her

> request, I gave her the items and it is done with. If she

> " forgot "

> something, then it is her fault, too bad.

>

> UPS is delivering tomorrow with signature only, so there will be

> no

> funny business on nada's part. It was a relief to see the box

> go. It

> was like saying goodbye to guilt and obligation because when

> nada

> gives you something it is never really yours.

>

> Lori

>

>

>

>

> >

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with

> nada

> and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

> waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

> that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer,

> dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

> the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

> what

> I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

> loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but

> not

> my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

> the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he

> didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

> his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

> got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

> signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although

> the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

> plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

> hard

> I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

> just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel

> like I

> am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, my other shoe dropped today. I called my Dad -- in response

to a voice mail that I got 2 weeks ago on my cell phone (long

story: I was out of town for 2 weeks, and got back a week ago, but

couldn't find my cell phone charger, so I just found it today and

was able to retrieve my messages. There was one from Dad on there -

a nice one -- so I responded.)

Dad and I kind of got in to it on the phone -- He had an answer for

everything. When he tried to paint this picture of my tortured

mother, I pointed out " Well, she doesn't deal with things very well "

and he shot back " Well, we can't predict how we'll react to things

like this -- she's having a hard time, etc. "

On and on -- ad infinitum. So, of course I knew that he'd bring up

I should probably give her a call (she's been back for 4 days). I

told him " Why doesn't she call me? I didn't even know she was

back. " he shot back " She's your mother " .....I shot back " I'm her

daughter. " A few other things went back and forth but I didn't buy

into the sympathy game. I think that pissed him off. He kept

trying different ways to get me sympathetic to her and I didn't take

the bait.

I told him I'd think about it, but I really didn't care to talk to

her when she's like this. He didn't like that, and said " I don't

want to pick sides. "

Puhleeeeze. He's already picked a side: Hers.

Now I'm angry and hurt. But I knew this was coming: He keeps

thinking if he yanks the chain, I'll come running.

>

> For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

and

> I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> most.

>

> She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what

I

> would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

grandparents

> and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

my

> brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> fed up with nada too).

>

> So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

would

> go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

good.

>

> She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

years.

> I guess good luck to them.

>

> Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

great

> he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard

I

> realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I

am

> a child again when I have to listen to it.

>

> Lori

>

[Guest guest]

.......because when nada

> gives you something it is never really yours.

>

> Lori

>

>

>Lori,

What a truthful statement!!!

Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Shana, I totally agree with nada using grandchild as a pawn. She

claims how much she loves them but in all reality is always too busy

with work, housework, shopping, or whatever excuse she could come up

with. Then she'll tell me she misses the grandkids so much and she

hardly gets to see them. This is after I've told her time and time

again she can see them whenever she wants. It's all about control

and excuses. She lives 10 min. away for peat's sake!

Lori

> > >

> > > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with

> > nada

> > and

> > > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

> > waiting

> > > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

> > that

> > > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer,

> > dad's

> > > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

> > the

> > > most.

> > >

> > > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

> > what

> > I

> > > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

> > loved

> > > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> > grandparents

> > > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but

> > not

> > my

> > > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

> > the

> > > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he

> > didn't

> > > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

> > his

> > > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

> > got

> > > fed up with nada too).

> > >

> > > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> > would

> > > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

> > signed

> > > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although

> > the

> > > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> > good.

> > >

> > > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> > years.

> > > I guess good luck to them.

> > >

> > > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> > great

> > > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

> > plugged.

> > > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

> > hard

> > I

> > > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

> > just

> > > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel

> > like I

> > am

> > > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> > >

> > > Lori

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It is amazing to me how just when you feel like it's safe to have

contact and things are decent, then WHAM! right out of left field

there's a problem. I'm feel for you.

Lori

> >

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

> and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

what

> I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

> my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

hard

> I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like

I

> am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Sylvia, your posts have been really speaking to my heart.

They are insightful yet gentle. In the middle of the night, as I lie

awake I thought about a pair of earrings that nada had given me 8 or

9 years ago. I was greatful for them, I was told they cost several

hundred dollars by nada...... Anyway, they were not my cup of tea.

Not my style, too dressy and frankly I was afraid to wear them

because if something ever happened to one of them, I was afraid of

nada's response. (I had been slapped across the face as a teenager

for an accident to a necklace).

Ever since owning these earrings I have been questioned every 3rd or

4th time of seeing nada. She would ask, how come she never she's me

wear the earrings she gave me. I would wear them in a panic whenever

I would remember just to please her. Sooooo sick. I think I should

sell those earrings as soon as I can.

Lori

> >

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

> and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

what

> I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

> my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

hard

> I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like

I

> am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to the father influence... " But she's your mother! " She

may be my mother biologically BUT that doesn't obligate me to fear and anger

!!

KW

>

>Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

>To: WTOAdultChildren1

>Subject: Re: The other shoe is dropping......

>Date: Thu, 17 Aug 2006 20:24:57 -0000

>

>Well, my other shoe dropped today. I called my Dad -- in response

>to a voice mail that I got 2 weeks ago on my cell phone (long

>story: I was out of town for 2 weeks, and got back a week ago, but

>couldn't find my cell phone charger, so I just found it today and

>was able to retrieve my messages. There was one from Dad on there -

>a nice one -- so I responded.)

>

>Dad and I kind of got in to it on the phone -- He had an answer for

>everything. When he tried to paint this picture of my tortured

>mother, I pointed out " Well, she doesn't deal with things very well "

>and he shot back " Well, we can't predict how we'll react to things

>like this -- she's having a hard time, etc. "

>

>On and on -- ad infinitum. So, of course I knew that he'd bring up

>I should probably give her a call (she's been back for 4 days). I

>told him " Why doesn't she call me? I didn't even know she was

>back. " he shot back " She's your mother " .....I shot back " I'm her

>daughter. " A few other things went back and forth but I didn't buy

>into the sympathy game. I think that pissed him off. He kept

>trying different ways to get me sympathetic to her and I didn't take

>the bait.

>

>I told him I'd think about it, but I really didn't care to talk to

>her when she's like this. He didn't like that, and said " I don't

>want to pick sides. "

>

>Puhleeeeze. He's already picked a side: Hers.

>

>Now I'm angry and hurt. But I knew this was coming: He keeps

>thinking if he yanks the chain, I'll come running.

>

>

> >

> > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with nada

>and

> > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was waiting

> > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items that

> > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer, dad's

> > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt the

> > most.

> >

> > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know what

>I

> > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they loved

> > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

>grandparents

> > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but not

>my

> > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her. the

> > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he didn't

> > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see his

> > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually got

> > fed up with nada too).

> >

> > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

>would

> > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and signed

> > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although the

> > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

>good.

> >

> > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

>years.

> > I guess good luck to them.

> >

> > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

>great

> > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears plugged.

> > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so hard

>I

> > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I just

> > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel like I

>am

> > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> >

> > Lori

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

>@.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON

>THE GROUP.

>

>To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

>() for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the

>Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth)

>which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

>From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

>and the SWOE Workbook.

>

[Guest guest]

I've gotten to where I absolutely loathe that saying! I guess it

means we have to take whatever drama she dishes out!

> > >

> > > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with

nada

> >and

> > > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

waiting

> > > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

that

> > > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer,

dad's

> > > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

the

> > > most.

> > >

> > > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

what

> >I

> > > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

loved

> > > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> >grandparents

> > > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but

not

> >my

> > > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

the

> > > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he

didn't

> > > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

his

> > > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

got

> > > fed up with nada too).

> > >

> > > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> >would

> > > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

signed

> > > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although

the

> > > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> >good.

> > >

> > > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> >years.

> > > I guess good luck to them.

> > >

> > > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> >great

> > > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

plugged.

> > > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

hard

> >I

> > > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

just

> > > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel

like I

> >am

> > > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> > >

> > > Lori

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

> >@... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON

> >THE GROUP.

> >

> >To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

SHELL

> >() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the

> >Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

Parent, " (Roth)

> >which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> >

> >From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

author SWOE

> >and the SWOE Workbook.

> >

[Guest guest]

Lori I understand that. I had a pair of diamond earrings one year as

a Christmas gift from my nada they were too large for my taste and I

was so scared to lose them. They had the large gold jacket around

them and at the time I really didn't care for that look because I

was just too young for it. So I opened it and she read my face that

I was disappointed and she asked if I wanted something else. I said

I was scared to lose earrings I preferred something less expensive

in my ears but if I could trade them in for a ring that would be

nice. Surprisingly she took it well and let me trade it in for an

emerald ring (my birthstone) but then that meant it was my birthday

gift as well. I really didn't care I was just scared what they

conscience would be for losing something she gave me like that!

Because in the 2rd grade I lost an opal earring from her on the

terrazzo floor in school I looked forever because I was scared of

her reaction I was unable to find it though becasue the opal matched

the terrazzo so well. After she got over it she bought me a new

pair. The queen could not have her daughter seen in anything but the

best!

> > >

> > > For some that don't know, I have had NC for 7 days now with

nada

> > and

> > > I have decided that this is good for me to continue. I was

> waiting

> > > for the other shoe to drop and it has. I got a message on the

> > > answering machine tonight from nada stating the list of items

> that

> > > she and dad want back. Grandma's earrings, cup and saucer,

dad's

> > > baby ring and their house key. All the things intended to hurt

> the

> > > most.

> > >

> > > She said some nasty things about me and said she didn't know

> what

> > I

> > > would tell the children, (my 3 and 5 yr. old) and that they

> loved

> > > them very much. Also, I was taking them away from their

> > grandparents

> > > and compaired me to my ex-sister in law many years back, but

not

> > my

> > > brother. (He is currently the only sibling in favor with her.

> the

> > > hero of the moment). Funny thing is up until last year he

didn't

> > > speak to them for 8 years and told them if they wanted to see

> his

> > > son they would have to go through his ex-wife. (She eventually

> got

> > > fed up with nada too).

> > >

> > > So after a long discussion with my Husband, we decided that I

> > would

> > > go to UPS tomorrow and ship the package to be delivered and

> signed

> > > for. I'm not going to put any kind of note in there although

the

> > > urge is soooooooooo strong to do so, I know it wouldn't do any

> > good.

> > >

> > > She also informed me that they are going to counseling to " get

> > > through this " . I have been begging her to get counseling for

> > years.

> > > I guess good luck to them.

> > >

> > > Oh, this is really hard! I need some support. My husband is so

> > great

> > > he listened to the message in our bedroom while I stood in my

> > > sleeping daughter's room with the door closed and my ears

> plugged.

> > > He came to get me when it was over. I had plugged my ears so

> hard

> > I

> > > realized that I hurt my head. Then he relayed the message. I

> just

> > > couldn't stand to hear her voice. It is so painful, I feel

like

> I

> > am

> > > a child again when I have to listen to it.

> > >

> > > Lori

> > >

> >

>