Re: Marrying/attracting spouse/nada? Carol

[Guest guest]

Carol,

Thanks for your post, it makes me think and work harder on myself.

Glad to hear you are aware of the dynamics...

IMO, people who were raised by dysfunctional parent (s) and don't resolve the

'issues' with parent (s) are bound to marry or pick people who have similar or

same traits as the parent with " issues. "

I married at age 19 to escape my raging, crazy mother: NP/BP. Little that I

knew, I picked a man who wasn't a rager, nonetheless he was/is a Narcissist,

alcoholic, liar, cheater and most wishy washy man I have ever known. Nothing is

ever his fault. Stayed married to him for 20+ years. According to him, the

marriage failed because of me ( I filed for divorce. ) He didn't want an equal

partner, he wanted a mommy. The moment he moved out of our marital home, he

split me black and replaced me, our two sons with another woman ( who is the

mirror image of him: NP/BP drug user ) and her son. The ex-h ended up marrying

her 3 months after we divorced and legally adopted her 25 year old son, like we

never existed.

After a hellish divorce ( 2 trials and many visits to the court ) I find

myself once again in the middle of a 3rd trial ( brought on by ex-h. ) He

refuses to pay what the court ordered him. Another example of how these people

continue their vindictive campaign and think everyone should agree with their

distorted thinking.

My sons are now well adjusted adults as the result of me seeing the truth and

seeking recovery no matter how much I had to struggle with ex-h and my

NADA....these two people are so much alike its scary! They are both self

centered and selfish. Never will admit any wrong doing.

For the past three years I have been in a wonderful relationship with the man

of my dreams. We are engaged to be married in the near future. Life is good as

long as I don't have to deal with toxic ex-h and nada. Easier said than done!

MJ

getevenpersevere@... wrote:

Has anyone else found themselves 'married to', or attached to a clone of

nada? My husband is the epitome of my nadamale version ... self centered,

sneaky, and plotting, a 'pillar of the church' while being unfaithful and

requiring me to be a business partner in our marriage rather than a wife.

Carol

[Guest guest]

I feel for you.I do. I never married one , but looking back at some

of the love intrests before my theropy. I, inside at a certin point,

knew there was something so wrong with them, but till then I think I

saw what I wanted to see or choose to ignore it for awhile. always

trying to earn someones love. Something had to be wrong with me

somewhere or they would love me. I look know at what they were and

go-Oh, God. What the HELL was I thinking? I didn't know how messed

up I really was. They were NP/BP, lying, cheating, using-SOB'S. I am

emotionally heathier since them and have not had a boyfriend. You

seem to get real caution. I think I am a little scared. Do not ever

want to make those mistakes again. Don't think I would. It takes a

very long, slow time to get to really know someone. Good luck!

> Has anyone else found themselves 'married to', or attached to a

clone of

> nada? My husband is the epitome of my nadamale version ... self

centered,

> sneaky, and plotting, a 'pillar of the church' while being

unfaithful and

> requiring me to be a business partner in our marriage rather than

a wife. Carol

>

>

>