Suffering and miserable at 19

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone

I am so excited I found this group. I honestly thought that there was

no one in the world who could possibly understand how I feel. I really

feel that I have lost my sense of self. I can't stand my mother and

the way she is constantly putting me down but I don't believe that I

could make it in the real world. When I was a kid I was so full of

life and now it's a complete struggle to live. I have pushed away all

my friends because I'm such a shadow of who I used to be I'm

embarassed for anyone to see me this way. On the upside though I'm

moving out soon to live with my sister and can't wait to tell my c*nt

mother that I never want anything to do with her again.

[Guest guest]

I remember when I went away to college - after about a month, I had the

hugest epinaphy of my life .... I had not only managed to survive and

care for myself without Nada (my borderline mother), I was thriving and

HAPPY!! (truly happy for the first time - every other time that I had

been happy, she had found a way to take it from me, but not this time,

she was too far to do it). My whole life she had told me over and over

that I would never be able to live without her or make it in the world

without her being close, etc. It was her way of making me scared to

leave her, of keeping me to herself. But I left for college (far away)

anyway. I went on caring for myself from there. I had to learn to be

a grown up like everyone else does - and it might have been harder

because I had to undo a lot of things and learn a lot of things about

what is normal and what isn't. I also had to deal with all the

emotional baggage left over from being raised by someone like that -

but it was all soooooo much better once I wasn't under her thumb.

You CAN make it in the real world. You will be happier and stronger

and you will finally have the room that you need to heal and to find

yourself. It's not always easy, but it sure is easier than living with

a nutbar (which my Nada was and I imagine your Nada is). Don't isolate

yourself from your friends - if you have good friends, they will

actually help you find yourself and will support your in your journey

toward independence.

Good luck to you!!! (is your sister n/c with Nada? will she be a

supportive place to be or do you think she will only continue what Nada

began? I hope she's a good sister to you!)

-Sissa

[Guest guest]

Thanx for the wonderful reply! Even though I know that getting out of

this hell hole will improve my life by a MILLION it's still nice to

hear it from someone else. And moving in with my sister is probably

the best idea too. The one good thing that's come out from all the

horrible sh*t we endured from our nada is that my sister and I prolly

have the best relationship I've ever had with anyone in my entire

life. So I'm very excited!!! Unfortunately I have to wait until

October to move, but as the song says I will survive!

-D

[Guest guest]

So glad you're going to have some distance. I didn't get out until I

was 20, and it felt so GOOD to not be under the constant microscope.

All the little things that nada takes over in your life are returned to

the rightful owner when you move out. Enjoy!

>

> Thanx for the wonderful reply! Even though I know that getting out of

> this hell hole will improve my life by a MILLION it's still nice to

> hear it from someone else. And moving in with my sister is probably

> the best idea too. The one good thing that's come out from all the

> horrible sh*t we endured from our nada is that my sister and I prolly

> have the best relationship I've ever had with anyone in my entire

> life. So I'm very excited!!! Unfortunately I have to wait until

> October to move, but as the song says I will survive!

>

> -D

>