Contaminated happiness

[Guest guest]

Sunny,

I believe you. I used to have sleep dreams of my dishrag fada. Soon after some

of those dreams, he’d tell me that something important happened with him around

the same day that I had the dreams. Science is exploring the concept of “string

theory” to explain such things. I believe it’s because people who live or work

together for long periods of time unconsciously synchronize some of their

biorhythms. One example could be shown by the stories of groups of women

working in the same office for awhile having their periods or getting pregnant

at around the same time.

The same kind of thing that happens with your nada happened with me, with my

nada, long ago, many times. I also used to be disturbed, and weirded out about

it. When it happened, I thought that there might be “some psychic connection”,

or that it was Fate, or that I was evil and deserved that kind of thing to keep

happening to me, and that I wouldn’t and couldn’t ever get away from it. I

haven't believed those things for a long time and I know that the thought that I

was evil was a natural reaction of taking on and introjecting my nada’s evil

behavior. I didn’t deserve any of it.

I believe that my nada unconsciously knew (when I was in regular contact with

her) approximately when I would start to think or feel something she didn’t want

me to think or feel, such as happiness. I believe that, at those times, she

subconsciously felt threatened and increased her efforts to make me feel as she

did, usually angry, resentful, frustrated, despairing, etc. I used to feel

terrible about feeling those feelings. I especially used to feel these ways

when I was hungry, angry, lonely or tired, which I was most of the time. Now, I

know better.

Reasonably healthy people get in sync, too, and use it to ENJOY each other’s

company.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

sunnysky717 wrote:I've had a strange thing happen with

both my nada and nadaunt.

Growing up as a kid, my mother always seemed to know if I was very

happy and chose that moment to tell me something awful. Sometimes

it really seemed something out of her control, like someone died.

Sometimes it was the time she choose to share her anger at me about

something she'd been brooding on for days. Since I've lived far far

away from home the same thing still happens. When I have an

extraordinarily good day, really special, almost without fail one of

them will call with a crisis of some kind and big load of negative

energy to dump on me. I talk to them at fairly predictable times

each week, but these calls come out of the blue at times they

normally never call. It's as if somehow by some psychic connection

they KNOW I'm happy and have to stop it.

I will share the most striking example of this. One time I was

deeply into meditation practice and made an unexpected breakthrough.

Some might even have called it enlightenment - temporary anyway. I

was connected to the world and felt complete love towards everyone

and everything. I had had glimpses of this before, but this time I

had been holding that state for almost a whole day. Then out of the

blue at a time she never ever calls me on a cell phone she never

calls me on, my mother called. She was in panic tears distress over

terrible issues with her mother, spinning visions of disaster. she

She also shared a critical health incident of her own that had

happened the day before which she was refusing to go to the doctor

for. Can you imagine? So believe it or not my state of love was

so strong I was able to approach her compassionately at the time, but

slowly over a period of hours the phone call " worked " on me until I

lost everything I had gained. I'll always wonder why she called me

then. The situation with my grandmother wasn't urgent. And nada's

health situation wasn't urgent enough in her own mind to even see the

doctor. Yet she felt the need, at that moment, to call me with all

her panic, catastrophizing, and despair?

Now there's a million examples I could give of more ordinary versions

of this. I share on the phone to them something I'm proud of,

looking forward to, or just happy about and they manage to undermine

it and contaminate it somehow. That happens with alarming

regularity, but that one I have to take responsibility for because

I'm the one who is fool enough to still share such things. But the

times they call out of the blue to ruin my happiness really disturb

me.

Anyway, your thoughts appreciated as always.

sunny

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