Re: 13 year old daughter of bp

[Guest guest]

Hi Sweetie,

My heart goes out to you, I was kicked out of the house at age 14 so

know what your going through. My nada took me to psychiatrists saying

I was the one with the problem too. When in fact it was her. Its hard

when we know we are good but someone is constantly saying we arent.

Eventually you start to believe them. Too bad you couldnt go live with

your grandparent, I lived with my aunt from 14-17. Was happy to get on

my own and havent looked back since.

I also know its so hard when your friends leave. Can you work on

making new friends? Do you do any school activities?? Maybe a youth

church group? Would give you things to do outside of the home and make

new friends.

Anyway Welcome,,

Hugs

>

> I am 13 years old and can't stand me mom! said that maybe i

could join

> even though I am only 13. I am so frustrated and tell myself every

day that i

> will get a good education, as long as I can get out of there! My

grandma is

> on the grandparent message board and was one of the people you

interviewed in

> the conference call. I really need help and don't know what to do.

All i had

> was two friends who understood me and almost every day they would

see if i

> could hang out. Now they're both moving away and i will have to be

stuck in

> the apartment for now on. I can't even think on how hard it would be

to have to

> live with my mom. She wants to be a sugacy mom, in which she is

going to be

> pregnant. Life with her is bad enough. Having a mom who going to be

pregnant

> will just make every thing harder. I know i can't make up her mind

for her,

> but for the good of my three year old sister, and me, i really don't

want her

> to do this. She put me in a mental hospital twice because " I " was

having

> issues. I was crying at her locked door, telling her i was sorry,

crying my eyes

> out. All she did was tell me to shut up, and that i would wake the

neibors.

> She hasn't done that to me in a while, but all the things she has

done to me

> have scared me to the bone. When ever we get into an argument, i

always have to

> leave the room. I have been diagnosed with over 5 mental illnesses

and put

> on four different drugs. I have run away 2 times, and wanted to kill

myself

> over 30 times in one year. On my myspace, i wrote a blog that made

all my

> friend really worried about me. This is how it went... " Little drops

of sorrow and

> pain fall from my face. They land on the ground as each dream is

shattered

> into pieces. Prayers from the unchristian spill from my mouth.

Words cracking,

> not being able to become complete words. But what is it in a word

that makes

> it so hard to say? A stomach tight enough to stop the breathing of the

> strongest soul. Two sides in one person collide making the happy

rage in anger,

> and laughs become tears. No actions can prove anything. No words

can heal a

> broken heart. A broken heart remains broken until it is ready to be

fixed. Some

> hearts never get fixed. The dark inside me won't go away, even if I

want it

> to. Bringing hatred and depression into my life. Once I would think

everything

> was going to be okay, it just got worse. So here I am crying my

eyes out. I

> have no control over my feelings. My whole world feels like it is

crashing

> down on me. Even today it goes down inch by inch, slowly I feel the

pain of

> death. Everyday, it hurts worse. Voices of the unheard telling me

it will be

> fine. Just keep holding on they say. But for how much longer? How

much longer do

> I have to fear the next day? How much longer do I have to feel this

pain? A

> thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes. I feel unloved, even

though I

> know i am. I feel sad, even though I know I'm happy. I cry when I

should be

> laughing. There is so much my heart cannot see. So please help me

see. Help me

> love. Help me laugh. Help me be the happy person I know I am. " I am

always

> blamed for things i didn't do. Once i was fixing my shirt when i

was hanging out

> with my friends, and she accused me of flashing them! I have been

crying

> every night. She asks why and i just tell her it is because my

friends are

> moving. But really i am crying because i have to live life without

them and have to

> deal with her. Please respond to this message at my grandmother's

email so

> my mom doesn't know it's me. Thanks, it's _bpcaparents@..._

> (mailto:bpcaparents@...) . And if i don't qualify for this group,

is there any

> chance you could please recommend someplace else for me? Thank You.

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the

all-new AOL at

> http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear one, I have tears in my eyes for you and for the 13 year old I

once was as well. You will find much acceptance and caring from us

on this group. Your feelings are rational, real reactions to being

in a crazy situation...they never ever mean that you are bad. You

said that " Voices of the unheard telling me it will be

fine. Just keep holding on they say. But for how much longer? " I

too had a strong sense of that, it became the core of my spirituality

which has meant a great deal to me my whole life. I cannot know your

beliefs and would never push anything on you, but if you are

interested in developing a relationship with your higher power you

can do so - even if you can't go to church.

Your two friends leaving is absolutely a blow, and it will take time

to make new friends. Even if you don't right away, please get

involved in any activity that gets you time with people away from

your mother. This will help anchor your developing sense of self in

a place that's not crazy....does your school have any activities you

could join? And hey I realize it's hard to join activities when

your home life is hell, but it will help you.

May you find much love and care from many and unexpected places.

julie

>

> I am 13 years old and can't stand me mom! said that maybe i

could join

> even though I am only 13. I am so frustrated and tell myself every

day that i

> will get a good education, as long as I can get out of there! My

grandma is

> on the grandparent message board and was one of the people you

interviewed in

> the conference call. I really need help and don't know what to do.

All i had

> was two friends who understood me and almost every day they would

see if i

> could hang out. Now they're both moving away and i will have to be

stuck in

> the apartment for now on. I can't even think on how hard it would

be to have to

> live with my mom. She wants to be a sugacy mom, in which she is

going to be

> pregnant. Life with her is bad enough. Having a mom who going to

be pregnant

> will just make every thing harder. I know i can't make up her mind

for her,

> but for the good of my three year old sister, and me, i really

don't want her

> to do this. She put me in a mental hospital twice because " I " was

having

> issues. I was crying at her locked door, telling her i was sorry,

crying my eyes

> out. All she did was tell me to shut up, and that i would wake the

neibors.

> She hasn't done that to me in a while, but all the things she has

done to me

> have scared me to the bone. When ever we get into an argument, i

always have to

> leave the room. I have been diagnosed with over 5 mental illnesses

and put

> on four different drugs. I have run away 2 times, and wanted to

kill myself

> over 30 times in one year. On my myspace, i wrote a blog that made

all my

> friend really worried about me. This is how it went... " Little

drops of sorrow and

> pain fall from my face. They land on the ground as each dream is

shattered

> into pieces. Prayers from the unchristian spill from my mouth.

Words cracking,

> not being able to become complete words. But what is it in a word

that makes

> it so hard to say? A stomach tight enough to stop the breathing of

the

> strongest soul. Two sides in one person collide making the happy

rage in anger,

> and laughs become tears. No actions can prove anything. No words

can heal a

> broken heart. A broken heart remains broken until it is ready to

be fixed. Some

> hearts never get fixed. The dark inside me won't go away, even if

I want it

> to. Bringing hatred and depression into my life. Once I would

think everything

> was going to be okay, it just got worse. So here I am crying my

eyes out. I

> have no control over my feelings. My whole world feels like it is

crashing

> down on me. Even today it goes down inch by inch, slowly I feel

the pain of

> death. Everyday, it hurts worse. Voices of the unheard telling me

it will be

> fine. Just keep holding on they say. But for how much longer? How

much longer do

> I have to fear the next day? How much longer do I have to feel

this pain? A

> thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes. I feel unloved, even

though I

> know i am. I feel sad, even though I know I'm happy. I cry when I

should be

> laughing. There is so much my heart cannot see. So please help me

see. Help me

> love. Help me laugh. Help me be the happy person I know I am. " I

am always

> blamed for things i didn't do. Once i was fixing my shirt when i

was hanging out

> with my friends, and she accused me of flashing them! I have been

crying

> every night. She asks why and i just tell her it is because my

friends are

> moving. But really i am crying because i have to live life without

them and have to

> deal with her. Please respond to this message at my grandmother's

email so

> my mom doesn't know it's me. Thanks, it's _bpcaparents@..._

> (mailto:bpcaparents@...) . And if i don't qualify for this group,

is there any

> chance you could please recommend someplace else for me? Thank You.

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-

new AOL at

> http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

To ,

thanks for your support. I am getting over my friends departure. Actually,

my friend who moved to Texas just emailed me this morning. Now my mom is going

to quite smoking for the tenth time in three weeks. She always says she is

going to quite but she never keeps to her word. Even with the simple tasks of

life, she never can sedem to keep a promise. I'm sorry you had to be kicked

out at age 14, but i guess it was for the best. Thanks again.

PG

************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at

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[Guest guest]

Hello you brave thing!

Please listen to those voices telling you to hang-on, they are right!

I know it's hard to believe right now, but it will get SO much better.

You are living your life the way few people do -- having all the

hardship and horror and sadness up front, when you are young. But what

this means is, it'll never be as hard as this again. As you get older,

it will get better and better.

Better than your best dreams, better than you can even imagine now. I

know, because I've been there too.

Reading your note reminded me SO much of the sadness I felt at your

age. I can remember crying for hours, crying myself to sleep every

night. I can remember my thoughts whirling around, never finding

anything happy to settle on. I can remember leaning my head against my

locker one day at school, feeling totally defeated, realizing with

horror that I had four more years before I could graduate and get

free. I often thought about running away, or even killing myself.

(THANK GOD I never did!)

Those days seem like a sad dream to me now. Some day they will seem

that way to you, too. The happiness waiting for you in your future

will glow so brightly that all you are suffering now will be a dim memory.

Now I am far away from my parents, with lots of new friends, a safe

and happy and peaceful home, a dear sweet kind husband who loves me. I

got a good education, and I have work I love that pays me a lot of

money. It will happen for you, too. Stay strong, because you are

strong. You must be, to have written what you have, and to have

reached out to us.

Everyone is right who said to find other activities and things to do.

There is much more to you than your mother can see. There is the real

you that will go out in the world and do wonderful things some day soon.

You are right to want a good education. Try as much as you can to lose

yourself in your studies, so your time now isn't wasted. Try to find

activities you can do. I didn't like sports much, but I made myself

play them anyway. It made me a lot of friends, I got a lot stronger

and more popular, it kept me out of the house, and it helped me get

in to a really great college.

You are obviously a strong, smart girl. I am sure there are many

things you can do well and that you would enjoy, once you tried.

I am so sorry that your friends are going. It's so hard to lose them

when you don't have a lot of other people to confide in. I hope you

can make new friends, soon. That's why activities are so great, to

meet people.

Can your grandmother help you find a counselor to talk to? Is there

someone in your school you can trust to talk to?

One thing that helped me a lot was trying to visualize, very clearly,

exactly how I wanted my future life to look. At 13, I imagined that

someday I'd live in a big city, be some sort of artist, live in a

townhouse, and marry a tall skinny handsome guy who was also an

artist. That all came true.

Please write us again, we'll all be pulling for you. You can make it,

you can, you can, you can.

Letty

>

> I am 13 years old and can't stand me mom! said that maybe i

could join

> even though I am only 13. I am so frustrated and tell myself every

day that i

> will get a good education, as long as I can get out of there! My

grandma is

> on the grandparent message board and was one of the people you

interviewed in

> the conference call. I really need help and don't know what to do.

All i had

> was two friends who understood me and almost every day they would

see if i

> could hang out. Now they're both moving away and i will have to be

stuck in

> the apartment for now on. I can't even think on how hard it would be

to have to

> live with my mom. She wants to be a sugacy mom, in which she is

going to be

> pregnant. Life with her is bad enough. Having a mom who going to be

pregnant

> will just make every thing harder. I know i can't make up her mind

for her,

> but for the good of my three year old sister, and me, i really don't

want her

> to do this. She put me in a mental hospital twice because " I " was

having

> issues. I was crying at her locked door, telling her i was sorry,

crying my eyes

> out. All she did was tell me to shut up, and that i would wake the

neibors.

> She hasn't done that to me in a while, but all the things she has

done to me

> have scared me to the bone. When ever we get into an argument, i

always have to

> leave the room. I have been diagnosed with over 5 mental illnesses

and put

> on four different drugs. I have run away 2 times, and wanted to kill

myself

> over 30 times in one year. On my myspace, i wrote a blog that made

all my

> friend really worried about me. This is how it went... " Little drops

of sorrow and

> pain fall from my face. They land on the ground as each dream is

shattered

> into pieces. Prayers from the unchristian spill from my mouth.

Words cracking,

> not being able to become complete words. But what is it in a word

that makes

> it so hard to say? A stomach tight enough to stop the breathing of the

> strongest soul. Two sides in one person collide making the happy

rage in anger,

> and laughs become tears. No actions can prove anything. No words

can heal a

> broken heart. A broken heart remains broken until it is ready to be

fixed. Some

> hearts never get fixed. The dark inside me won't go away, even if I

want it

> to. Bringing hatred and depression into my life. Once I would think

everything

> was going to be okay, it just got worse. So here I am crying my

eyes out. I

> have no control over my feelings. My whole world feels like it is

crashing

> down on me. Even today it goes down inch by inch, slowly I feel the

pain of

> death. Everyday, it hurts worse. Voices of the unheard telling me

it will be

> fine. Just keep holding on they say. But for how much longer? How

much longer do

> I have to fear the next day? How much longer do I have to feel this

pain? A

> thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes. I feel unloved, even

though I

> know i am. I feel sad, even though I know I'm happy. I cry when I

should be

> laughing. There is so much my heart cannot see. So please help me

see. Help me

> love. Help me laugh. Help me be the happy person I know I am. " I am

always

> blamed for things i didn't do. Once i was fixing my shirt when i

was hanging out

> with my friends, and she accused me of flashing them! I have been

crying

> every night. She asks why and i just tell her it is because my

friends are

> moving. But really i am crying because i have to live life without

them and have to

> deal with her. Please respond to this message at my grandmother's

email so

> my mom doesn't know it's me. Thanks, it's _bpcaparents@..._

> (mailto:bpcaparents@...) . And if i don't qualify for this group,

is there any

> chance you could please recommend someplace else for me? Thank You.

>

>

>

>

> ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the

all-new AOL at

> http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dearest,

Your post breaks my heart, and like the others brings me back to the

same place and time. It is hard enough to be a teenager, let alone

deal with someone who is not mentally able to support you and your

little sister.

As bad as it seems now, and I know you feel as though everyday is

torture, it will get better. You will get bigger, stronger, wiser,

and be able to deal with all these heartaches. It will take time,

BUT YOU WILL MAKE IT! All of us on this board MADE IT, all of us

have been YOU. You are NOT ALONE, not for an instant.

Keep yourself busy, and you and your sister physically safe. Keep

studying in school, and yes, imagining how your life WILL BE. My

parent tried to put me away in a mental institution too, because he

thought I had soo many mental illnesses, when it turns out he is the

one who is very sick, and not me. It is hard to make your way through

the chaos at times, but when the fog clears you will make it through

and have a WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL life. I know it is hard to

understand and believe now, but believe it because it's TRUE! As you

are I once was, and as I am now, YOU WILL BE. I've married a

wonderful man, and have a little baby girl... YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!

Sweetness, above all, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND that all the things you are

going through, have NOTHING to do with you, and is the effect of a

problem your mother has. It does not make it right, but it is NOT

your fault, NEVER HAS BEEN, and NEVER WILL BE.

You will be in my thoughts every moment in the following days.

Please take care of yourself, and know that we all are hoping,

praying, and wishing for the best.

CLING TIGHTLY to your dreams and hopes, and NEVER let ANYONE, NO ONE,

takes those away from you, because they are not theirs. The only

person who can take those things away from you, is you. Believe in

yourself always...

I am anxiously awaiting another post from you...

Be brave!

HUGS, and LOVE, all the LOVE YOU DESERVE!!

-R

[Guest guest]

PG

Your welcome, YOu know email is a wonderful thing,, Maybe you can get

webcams to use? Next best thing to being there. Also can talk in

instant messages. I wish we had all this when I was young, never had

seen a computer! I was in my 30's before ever getting on one haha..

Keep writing in if you need to. Lots of supportive people on here.

>

> To ,

> thanks for your support. I am getting over my friends departure.

Actually,

> my friend who moved to Texas just emailed me this morning. Now my

mom is going

> to quite smoking for the tenth time in three weeks. She always says

she is

> going to quite but she never keeps to her word. Even with the

simple tasks of

> life, she never can sedem to keep a promise. I'm sorry you had to

be kicked

> out at age 14, but i guess it was for the best. Thanks again.

>

> PG

>

>

>

> ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the

all-new AOL at

> http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the support, and it's funny how a few people can have so much in

common at one age. My mom tells me so many times that i have a good head on my

shoulders, so it almost seems like she is trying to test me or something. I

have a myspace and have at least 13 people telling me that we need to hang

out more this year. So i will have more friends this year. Even though my to

friends moved, i almost forgot about one girl who is 2 years younger than me.

She has been there for it all. She has heard my mom yell at me, and she is

always the first person i call if anything is bothering me, and SHE LISTENS!!!!

It's not very often you find someone who will listen to you. Today at 7:00

am, her baby sister was born, and i was the first person she called!!! We have

been friend for 7 years now. I'm sorry about your past and wish it could have

been different. But then again, if things like this didn't happen, the world

wouldn't know how strong all of us really are, now would they? I have most

of my friends always asking me how i can live life with such horror, and all i

can tell them is that you need to know right from wrong, and you need to be

strong. I am almost like a therapist to my friends. Thanks again for the

letter.

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[Guest guest]

Congrats on your baby!!! So far i am doing ok. My mom had to leave for work

early thins morning, so i had to watch my sister until her step mom came. And

i have to say that this morning was probably the day i won the best sister

reward. The things we did, and said, made me feel like the real sister. For so

long i have had to be the mom. I mean, i have to punish her and many other

things because my mom doesn't really care anymore. It was nice to actually be

the sister for once! I have my whole life planned out already. Get a great

education, get into a great collage, marry a wonderful man, and if i am stable,

perhaps a child or two. But i want to adopt. I feel bad for the poor children

who are just starting to relize they don't have parents. It's just

heartbreaking! Thanks for the support and i'm glad your happy ending is working

out.

With much love to you, your husband, and your baby girl,

J

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