[Modoasis] great web sites on different levels of forgivness

[Guest guest]

It appears this forgiveness topic is more complicated than 1+1=2

Check out this good web site: http://www.forgiver.net/forgive3.htm

Forgiveness and reconciliation are 2 different things.

So far some of our emails have described either one-sided forgivness or

detached forgiveness. I guess I would say I have detached forgiveness. Even

if you forgive someone from the heart does not mean there is or even can be

reconciliation.

Of course there is the issue of culpability. I listened to Dr. Ray Gorende

(spelling?) and as a psychologist talking about personality disorders he was

saying that it's not as though those with personality disorders are just

" stuck " where they are and can't do anything about it. Humans have a

tremendous ability to change (as we can see from those recovered BPDs we

ever read about) so it's not as though they are psychotic and have no idea

what they are doing. But until they are willing to even look at themselves

and how they treat others, they just do not realize there is anything wrong

with them. It seems to me that it's not that they CAN'T look, but that they

don't want to b/c of further fears or whatever. I think this is many times

where " tough love " comes in; it kind of forces a person to look at their

situation, when they are all alone in it

There is also a good article by the Covenant Keepers on forgiveness and

reconciliation

http://www.covenantkeepers.org/articles/forgive.htm

It includes the part in there about " Father forgive them for they know not

what they do "

This whole topic is kind of fascinating, actually.

My " detached forgiveness " in my eyes had been " being ready to forgive " for

i had somewhat confused forgiveness with reconciliation. There can be no

reconciliation if the offender does not ask for forgiveness. In the Bible we

see * " ...if he repents, forgive him " * (Luke 17:7) this assumes someone

repenting so that you can forgive them.

so it seems sometimes we get forgiveness and reconciliation confused,

interchanging them as if they are the same thing

Ok, understandin' this a bit better now.

I only brought the topic up b/c I had seen several people confused about it

in terms of dealing with BPDs, including moi

Theresa