My mistake.

[Guest guest]

faithopefarm and sakura,

My apologies. I just realized that I attributed and responded to the following

as having been written by sakura, when it was written by faithopefarm:

“When I read, “I finally figured out when ever nada accused others of something

and was in a tizzy trying to fix everyone elses sins, she was the one who

actually had done what she accused others of. Took me almost 20 years after

high school to figure that one out”, I thought, “oh, man, that was one of my

biggest revelations.” I also took many years and what a relief it was “to

figure that one out”.”

faithopefarm, your 10/22 “Help” post has many truths for me and reflects many of

my experiences and insights. I’ll respond more soon. Thanks.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

faithopefarm wrote:I tried to post this earlier and

think I goofed, sorry if this is on

board twice.

I'm sorry to hear your family is going through a difficult time. I

completely understand about MIL behavior as my nada did similar

things. I believed her stories for years and fell hook line and

sinker that what my nada was telling me was the truth because she was

trying to be so convincing. I began telling my husband some of the

stories and he had a difficult time believing and asked my why I

didn't confront her on some of the issues. Truth is I never doubted

what nada told me until hubby began to say something doesn't add up.

The more I began searching for the truth the more I began to

understand the dynamics of what happened in my families life as we

were growing up. I'm betting your husband is going with the flow of

what his mother is telling him as it's easier to let things slide and

not confront her. I did that for many years until I came to the

realization that I was not helping nada, I was fueling her fire so to

speak. A couple of years ago after realizing the depths of what nada

had done by pitting me against my siblings and anyone near to me I

knew deep in my heart this had to stop. I began contradicting her

when she'd tell me my husbands boss hates him and I'd better look

out. I asked her if she heard that from his boss, she just say no, I

heard it from a very good source. I'd tell her that was gossip then

that she shouldn't have repeated. She'd send emails about my

children and how they have a problem and I needed to dig deep and

find out what was wrong with them. I stopped that by telling

her " You know my kids usually check my email for me. Please don't

send anything like that ever again " . She panicked after she realized

my kids could have read what she wrote about them. It's been very

difficult and I have basically stopped her on almost every form of

pitting me against my family. My siblings and I realized after 20+

years what she had done to us by telling each of us the other could

not stand them, and told each of us the other one hated them. It

split us during that time and no one dared to find out the truth of

why we wouldn't speak to each other. Satan is a master deceiver and

can make a small area of weakness turn into a monster if allowed.

Sometimes I think this is what's going on and it's important truths

come out. My nada can't face it right now that she has done this to

her own family and tries to convince everyone else her children are a

problem for her, tells people her deceased husband was abusive,(she

was the abuser, to me and siblings and her hubby). You try to hug

her, she'll push you away literally. You say you love her and she'll

tell others you never say that. She began telling her husband, who's

now deceased, my brother wasn't paying her back money she loaned

him. She gave $ to him ,and me at the same time, and told us she

wanted to help us out because she knew we had a need and she wanted

to help. Interesting neither of us asked for the $ but we accepted

her gift of kindness and knew she had good intentions, only somewhere

in her mind she twisted the story told pastor and her hubby it was a

loan and brother wasn't paying her back and she wanted to show him

how he was sinning and had our pastor completly buffaloed into

beliveing her story, Pastor now knows nada isn't telling him whole

story after I showed him letters she wrote to us about things, he was

completely floored she tell me something completely opposite of what

she was telling him and so nada has moved on to another " Godly

figure " to convince her kids are such sinners and she's our savior.

Nada's brother has finally admitted stories she's told him he can't

comprehend happening now. So be patient with hubby he has a life

time of memories that probably are going to hit him later that what

he believed may not have been truth and it's a hard realization to

accept and move out of that familiar territory into a land of what

has never existed in his life before. I read an online bible study

on truth in Proverbs and it was a right on the money with what was

happening and how to deal with liars. It will be a long process but

well worth what can await in the end. You do not want this to

continue I'm sure, because it will effect you and your children and

their children. I am now able to tell when she's trying to do

something and make it go her way. She will not speak to my hubby at

all and wants me to ask him to do things for her. I figured if she

really needed these things done, she needs to ask him herself and so

I tell her she will need to ask him herself, she'll call me at work

wanting me to call him, I tell her he's home right now call him and

ask him. She won't do it. She'll make up stories to get me over to

her home right then and there, you can hear a change in her voice

when she's up to no good and so I tell her no I can't do this, but I

can do this. I learned that when she's in this type of mood she's

going to tear into me about something so I choose not to go at that

time. I know my changing my responses has really upset her, but my

kids and husband come first, because how she treats me has an effect

on me for weeks and my family does not deserve my time being devoted

to crazy making behavior from nada. Nada is a very intelligent person

very capable of taking care of herself so there's no guilt anylonger

in telling her no. God's blessing to you.---

>

> My husband's mother was diagnosed with BPD. She is currently in a

> secular treatment facility because she insists that her husband is

dead

> (he is not) and the she is living with us. She will be released in

two

> weeks. I feel that she is cognizant of her behavior and is

> manipulating. Doctors who have examined her feel the same way.

She

> won't speak to anyone except my husband who is reluctant to

confront

> her with the truth. This is truly a condensed version of this

horrible

> situation -- does anyone have any suggestions?

>

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com