Re: nada's spending re & LL

October 28, 2005

Dang! I can't believe how much both of your posts

decribe my nada. Trying to " buy " the children's love,

the power plays if I set limits on w hat she is

" allowed " to give (I've been--trying to--set very firm

limits since my first child was born, with varying

success), lying about things being free, OR lying

about some obviously $100 outfit for the toddler

costing " about $5, I couldn't resist " , going over my

head and buying things I've said can't be given,

complaining (even when I was a kid) about the amount

spent on her gifts (from me and everyone), demanding

things (a microwave when I was in college, back when

microwaves were expensive and I lived mainly on Ramen;

also a computer last year), the lack of hobbies,

spending more than she can afford, for things no one

wanted, then complaining if people dont seem

" grateful " , TREMENDOUS RESENTMENT of anyone with

money. If I take the kids out to eat at Mcs, she

calls me a " yuppie. " When I bought a five-year-old

used CHEVY PRIZM to replace my 15-year-old beater, she

called me a yuppie then too. She couldn't stand that I

had a " new car. " I mean, we live in a trailer park for

gosh sakes, and because we scrimp and save so that we

CAN afford things for the kids to do things they enjoy

like piano lessons or gymnastics or drama, she acts

like we are bourgeois swine. But then, when the shoe's

on the other foot, she loves to brag about her

" son-in-law the professor. " (Heh, FYI, in California

some professors are literally homeless/living in their

cars, so living in the trailer park is a GOOD thing.)

To summarize, she's VERY funny around money and

spending. On a bunch of levels. To serve a variety of

her purposes.

-Flea

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October 29, 2005

Flea,

I can strongly relate with you and others about this, too. Many incidents.

Many years ago, I knew my nada needed an office chair. I bought her one. She

pestered me for months to tell her how much I paid her for it. In a then-rare

display of independence and strength by me, I smilingly refused to tell her. I

never did. It’s one of my favorite series of memories. Like many here have

said, she would’ve denigrated me for either wasting money by paying more than

she thought I should, or disrespecting her for spending so little. She'd try to

get me coming or going! Like and others have said, you can’t win with a

BP.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

Flea Bitten wrote: