Re: diagnoses?

[Guest guest]

<<<<I'm just wondering how you all have come to the conclusion that your

nadas and fadas have BP d/o...I have been attempting to diagnose my

nada for years, and this is as close as I've gotten, but she still

doesn't quite fit the mold, as she never had any angry

outbursts/rage, despite fitting the other qualities quite well.>>>>

*********Mine doesn't rage either. Nor does she cut herself and as

far as I know has never attempted or threatened suicide. She is very

much a waif/queen though. She once intimated that she probably would

die because the doctor told her she needed surgery on her carotid

artery to prevent another stroke. She said she was just too stressed

to have the surgery. ( We had just had a major falling out where I

told her she was intrusive among other things. This was way back

before I knew of BPD) In actuality, she never had a first stroke and

has done just fine for another thirty years or so and has still not

had a stroke. Obviously the story about the doctor wanting to do

surgery was fiction. Just another manipulation. She is not sexually

promiscuous, and there are some other things that don't fit. But the

things that do fit really fit well. Her fear of abandonment,

splitting, controlling everyone and everything, 2 year old emotional

behavior, the inability to ever consider that she might be responsible

for a wrong to someone, lying and rewriting history to her advantage,

and on and on. This lay diagnosis of mine fits her better than

anything else. She has high anxiety, depression, addiction to

prescription drugs, and well....it just fits. I decided long ago that

it really doesn't matter what you call it. For me, her behavior is

toxic and for many others too. She sucks the life right out of you if

you don't have your defenses up. Whatever it is, (I'll call it

Borderline Personality Disorder) this group has been tremendous help

for me. Dee

[Guest guest]

,

I only just recently came(with in the last year) to the conclusion my

nada was BP and it was only because the Psychologist i was talking to

at the time (to help me deal with my nada's behaviors and attitudes

toward me) suggested she might be. He told me that just the things i

was telling him made him believe that she was however, he could not

diagnose with out meeting her. He then told me about the book " Stop

Walking on Eggshells " by Randi Kreger and Mason. As i am reading

this book more thing hit home for me and I am starting to realize that

he was right. My nada is not just insane she has a real problem. I am

not sure if you read this book but it might help you diagnose your nada.

I am glad to hear that your bf is being supportive of you. it really

helps to have someone who will stand by you and support you. you are

very lucky. My husband did not believe me about my mom at first and

would never have gone with me to Counseling. Now that he has seen,

heard and read the things my nanda does he is very supportive and it

helps a great deal. So you are very luck your bf is there for you. I

understand how you feel about overcoming your insecurities. i am still

trying to work through mine. good luck with squashing all your

negetive self talk and fears of abandonment i know this is going to be

a hard process for you. i am going through the same types of things

now. please let me know how things are going for you. Alos remeber you

are not alone.

Best wishes,

Bobbie

i am happy to here that you do not have a

>

> I'm just wondering how you all have come to the conclusion that your

> nadas and fadas have BP d/o...I have been attempting to diagnose my

> nada for years, and this is as close as I've gotten, but she still

> doesn't quite fit the mold, as she never had any angry

> outbursts/rage, despite fitting the other qualities quite well.

> However, the lack of rageful events is very likely due to the fact

> that 1) she's always been highly, highly medicated, and 2) she

> represses ALL emotion.

> My much-older sisters report that my nada was once quite " normal " ,

> and didn't become the way I have always known her until our father

> left her for another woman right after my birth. Hence, of course,

> my fear that I could end up like her someday...but I've been

> reminding myself daily that I AM NOT HER.

> I am going to my first couples therapy session tonight with my bf,

> who is supportive, kind, loving, wonderful in every way...I need to

> squash my inability to trust and deep-rooted insecurities NOW,

> before they begin to have a negative impact on our relationship.

> Luckily for me, he's willing to be a part of the work that I put

> into overcoming my fears of abandonment and my constant internal

> negative self-talk.

> I want to thank you all for already being a great resource for me,

> whether or not I am truly the daughter of a BP nada or not.

> Hugs,

> AK

>

[Guest guest]

My sister in law is a psychiatrist. She told me to read the book 'I

Hate You Don't Leave Me' when I described some of the things my

mother was doing that was causing severe depression in me. She is the

first person who has ever given me a name on my mother's bizarre

behavior. Considering such a reliable source and all I've read

following my SIL's lead, I do indeed believe my mother to be an

undiagnosed BP (though perhaps she has been diagnosed and it was not

shared w/me as we were in family therapy for years).

K

>

> I'm just wondering how you all have come to the conclusion that

your

> nadas and fadas have BP d/o...I have been attempting to diagnose my

> nada for years, and this is as close as I've gotten, but she still

> doesn't quite fit the mold, as she never had any angry

> outbursts/rage, despite fitting the other qualities quite well.

> However, the lack of rageful events is very likely due to the fact

> that 1) she's always been highly, highly medicated, and 2) she

> represses ALL emotion.

> My much-older sisters report that my nada was once quite " normal " ,

> and didn't become the way I have always known her until our father

> left her for another woman right after my birth. Hence, of course,

> my fear that I could end up like her someday...but I've been

> reminding myself daily that I AM NOT HER.

> I am going to my first couples therapy session tonight with my bf,

> who is supportive, kind, loving, wonderful in every way...I need to

> squash my inability to trust and deep-rooted insecurities NOW,

> before they begin to have a negative impact on our relationship.

> Luckily for me, he's willing to be a part of the work that I put

> into overcoming my fears of abandonment and my constant internal

> negative self-talk.

> I want to thank you all for already being a great resource for me,

> whether or not I am truly the daughter of a BP nada or not.

> Hugs,

> AK

>

[Guest guest]

I was browsing Amazon.com and found the book " Understanding the

Borderline Mother " . Just by reading the description of the book and

the reviews, I knew that this sounded very much like my nada. After

reading the book, I had no doubts. In fact, I think that it is the

KOs that can make the most accurate diagnosis of this personality

disorder, as they are the ones who are the most affected by it.

My nada also doesn't fit all the criteria, but there are some things

that could have been true about her before I knew her, and of

course, i would never be able to find out about that from her.

How good for you that you have chosen to go to therapy.

Take care,

Sylvia

>

> I'm just wondering how you all have come to the conclusion that

your

> nadas and fadas have BP d/o...I have been attempting to diagnose

my

> nada for years, and this is as close as I've gotten, but she still

> doesn't quite fit the mold, as she never had any angry

> outbursts/rage, despite fitting the other qualities quite well.

> However, the lack of rageful events is very likely due to the fact

> that 1) she's always been highly, highly medicated, and 2) she

> represses ALL emotion.

> My much-older sisters report that my nada was once quite " normal " ,

> and didn't become the way I have always known her until our father

> left her for another woman right after my birth. Hence, of course,

> my fear that I could end up like her someday...but I've been

> reminding myself daily that I AM NOT HER.

> I am going to my first couples therapy session tonight with my bf,

> who is supportive, kind, loving, wonderful in every way...I need

to

> squash my inability to trust and deep-rooted insecurities NOW,

> before they begin to have a negative impact on our relationship.

> Luckily for me, he's willing to be a part of the work that I put

> into overcoming my fears of abandonment and my constant internal

> negative self-talk.

> I want to thank you all for already being a great resource for me,

> whether or not I am truly the daughter of a BP nada or not.

> Hugs,

> AK

>

[Guest guest]

I'll agree that projection is probably the main issue Boarderline's

have. Any feelings they have that they will-not or can-not express

themselves is put on someone else, but I don't think it's just the

negative feelings.

I mentioned in another post not long ago, my Fada would say " your

mother misses you " when he hadn't seen me in a while. But also, when

he likes something, or think's he's done something well, he always

justifies it by what someone else has said about it. Fada says

" So-n-so said my car looks brand new! " referring to a mid-90's POS

mini-van.

I think this goes along with any relationships a BP has is based on

how that person gives attention to the BP. My brother once said all

my dad is looking for in someone to have a conversation with is a

" functioning attention provider. "

But I have little experience with BP's outside of my own father.

Oh yea, and if any of my friends thought it should be an ok thing for

him to bring home any woman, let alone an 18yr old female who's " in

love " with him, and have any kind of conversation with her behind

closed doors while his wife wasn't at home, I'd tell him he was f-ing

nuts! That's just skeeeeeevvyyy.

[Guest guest]

Hi Kath! You have a fada? Those are the minority here I think, and it's great

to hear from

you.

I agree that there's good projection too. My nada says my dog misses me

sometimes--but

it doesn't mean that she actually 'misses' me, nadas aren't capable of that--it

means she

thinks I need to be seen with her by the rest of the family so that she can keep

from

splitting herself black. Still, I get your point. I agree bpds project all

sorts of things, not

just negative. I think though that they only apologize when they don't have to

split

themselves black by doing so. This particular guy is so invested in personal

relationships

vs business behaviour, that most professional things he messes up at don't mean

anything

to him, so he's just fine apologizing for those.

I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that being in your room alone w/an 18

year old

non-wife is of course a bad thing! He really had me fogged. He *must* be bpd,

or close

to it. If anyone else wants to agree w/this, bring it on!

>

> I'll agree that projection is probably the main issue Boarderline's

> have. Any feelings they have that they will-not or can-not express

> themselves is put on someone else, but I don't think it's just the

> negative feelings.

>

> I mentioned in another post not long ago, my Fada would say " your

> mother misses you " when he hadn't seen me in a while. But also, when

> he likes something, or think's he's done something well, he always

> justifies it by what someone else has said about it. Fada says

> " So-n-so said my car looks brand new! " referring to a mid-90's POS

> mini-van.

>

> I think this goes along with any relationships a BP has is based on

> how that person gives attention to the BP. My brother once said all

> my dad is looking for in someone to have a conversation with is a

> " functioning attention provider. "

>

> But I have little experience with BP's outside of my own father.

>

> Oh yea, and if any of my friends thought it should be an ok thing for

> him to bring home any woman, let alone an 18yr old female who's " in

> love " with him, and have any kind of conversation with her behind

> closed doors while his wife wasn't at home, I'd tell him he was f-ing

> nuts! That's just skeeeeeevvyyy.

>

[Guest guest]

Hiya! Yea, Fada's do seem to be the minority, but I have no doubt

that he's BP. What I thought was the funniest when I found out that

it's more common for women to have/be diagnosed with BP was how my

brother and I previously would complain how much my dad acts like a

" girly girl " (he was definitely more interested in planning my wedding

than I was) or that he seemed to think of himself as the " tired

housewife " any time he'd lift a finger to help around the house.

Some people definitely have a way of throwing their guilt-complex back

your way. My Fada would always do me favors I didn't ask for, and

then yell at me for not appreciating it! And of course a " favor " from

Fada is just a way to keep score: I did this for you, so now you have

to do this for me! I'm sorry, I do good things for people because I

love them or care about them, not because I " owe " them anything.

The best way I could deal with my Fada was to use common sense.

For your " friend " I'd say, if you're wife doesn't like you having an

18yr old chick around, it doesn't make sense to keep doing it if you

love your wife! There are many less significant things I don't do cuz

they annoy my husband and I love him!

Or turn the situation around. BP's think there are rules for them, and

different rules for everyone else. Imagine your friend's reaction if

his wife was bringing home the pool boy when he wasn't home? Yea, I

didn't think he'd have been " cool " with that even in Europe.

>

> Hi Kath! You have a fada? Those are the minority here I think, and

it's great to hear from

> you.

>

> I agree that there's good projection too. My nada says my dog

misses me sometimes--but

> it doesn't mean that she actually 'misses' me, nadas aren't capable

of that--it means she

> thinks I need to be seen with her by the rest of the family so that

she can keep from

> splitting herself black. Still, I get your point. I agree bpds

project all sorts of things, not

> just negative. I think though that they only apologize when they

don't have to split

> themselves black by doing so. This particular guy is so invested in

personal relationships

> vs business behaviour, that most professional things he messes up at

don't mean anything

> to him, so he's just fine apologizing for those.

>

> I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that being in your room

alone w/an 18 year old

> non-wife is of course a bad thing! He really had me fogged. He

*must* be bpd, or close

> to it. If anyone else wants to agree w/this, bring it on!

>

[Guest guest]

Yes...that's it!!!!!!

kylaboo728 wrote: Oh my gosh -- that's a great

one: The BPD sees the world as full

of " Functioning Attention Providers " . That's exactly my role to my

nada!!! I am not to be an object of attention, my role is to

provide it for the BPD.....

Brilliant!

>

> I'll agree that projection is probably the main issue Boarderline's

> have. Any feelings they have that they will-not or can-not express

> themselves is put on someone else, but I don't think it's just the

> negative feelings.

>

> I mentioned in another post not long ago, my Fada would say " your

> mother misses you " when he hadn't seen me in a while. But also,

when

> he likes something, or think's he's done something well, he always

> justifies it by what someone else has said about it. Fada says

> " So-n-so said my car looks brand new! " referring to a mid-90's POS

> mini-van.

>

> I think this goes along with any relationships a BP has is based on

> how that person gives attention to the BP. My brother once said

all

> my dad is looking for in someone to have a conversation with is a

> " functioning attention provider. "

>

> But I have little experience with BP's outside of my own father.

>

> Oh yea, and if any of my friends thought it should be an ok thing

for

> him to bring home any woman, let alone an 18yr old female who's " in

> love " with him, and have any kind of conversation with her behind

> closed doors while his wife wasn't at home, I'd tell him he was f-

ing

> nuts! That's just skeeeeeevvyyy.

>

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Way back when my brother came up with that term, I was like " Oh I just

HAVE to put that on a t-shirt " , and I did, but I've never had the guts

to wear it in front of Fada, I somehow don't think he'd get the

sarcasm. If anyone else thinks they'd want to thou, feel free:

http://www.cafepress.com/kathaclysm

> >

> > I'll agree that projection is probably the main issue Boarderline's

> > have. Any feelings they have that they will-not or can-not express

> > themselves is put on someone else, but I don't think it's just the

> > negative feelings.

> >

> > I mentioned in another post not long ago, my Fada would say " your

> > mother misses you " when he hadn't seen me in a while. But also,

> when

> > he likes something, or think's he's done something well, he always

> > justifies it by what someone else has said about it. Fada says

> > " So-n-so said my car looks brand new! " referring to a mid-90's POS

> > mini-van.

> >

> > I think this goes along with any relationships a BP has is based on

> > how that person gives attention to the BP. My brother once said

> all

> > my dad is looking for in someone to have a conversation with is a

> > " functioning attention provider. "

> >

> > But I have little experience with BP's outside of my own father.

> >

> > Oh yea, and if any of my friends thought it should be an ok thing

> for

> > him to bring home any woman, let alone an 18yr old female who's " in

> > love " with him, and have any kind of conversation with her behind

> > closed doors while his wife wasn't at home, I'd tell him he was f-

> ing

> > nuts! That's just skeeeeeevvyyy.

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

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Great rates starting at 1¢/min.

>

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