What has helped me?

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

I believe that I am on the way to healing from the effects of a bordeline mother

and absent father - or what I like to say nowadays, being bullied by my mother

for most of my life. Finally, at the age of 40 I am beginning to feel that

perhaps

I am no longer scared of her - no longer scared of what she can do to me.

Although my brother seems to have picked up the baton recently and I do feel

scared of him still. I just wanted to write here and list a couple of things

that

helped me along the way - not that these things will necessarily help others. It

is more to share and perhaps find out what has helped others on their journey

towards healing. And, just to add, I am not there yet - it is, perhaps,

impossible

to completely heal.

1) I have been fortunate to have a loving long term relationship with a

grounded, sensible, stable, and loving individual. This has been the greatest

help.

2) I have been fortunate to have a child with the above mentioned person - a

son who shows me a lot of love and who shows me when I am screwing up.

3) Confronting my mother and telling her my truth, my story. Some might see

this as cruel but , in the end, I had to do it. I had tried everything else. I

did it by

email - not in person. Having a supportive and understanding partner helped

here.

4) I have been fortunate to have re-established contact with my father and

built up some kind of relationship. He's not so bad and we are quite similar in

some ways. He was able to confirm some of my stories about when I was

young.

5) Breathwork - sometimes called Rebirthing. I have found this very useful as

one is able to access pre-verbal material. I have been able to experience very

painful feelings concerning my mother during these sessions. I was lucky to

find a very loving and experienced breath therapist.

6) Byron 's The Work - but I had to be very careful to ground this in

feelings. Otherwise, it is sooo easy to go into the thinking and deny the

feelings - and this is dangerous for people like us.

Just wanted to share all this - interested in what others think.

Best regards