Re: Being right is not all it's cracked up to be!

[Guest guest]

Helena

 

I love your honesty!  Thank you for this.  I am in a very stressful place right now and find that that seems to be when I'm short on compassion.

 

I will remember this insight - it's feels good to be 'right' but it feels better to be 'nice'.

 

For me, anyway.

 

Compassionately

 

Ingrid

 

I had an altercation with another shopper today in a " party " store.  I was next in line behind a shopper who had about 60 items to check out; I had only one birthday card, and only one checkout person was on duty,  After about 10 minutes, another checkout line opened.  The people behind me sprung over to the new line in front of me, but I followed and was assertive, saying,  " I believe I was the next person in line " and I moved to the front of that line. 

The person directly behind me started yelling about how rude I was, how she wasn't trying to get ahead of me, her mother was in the hospital, etc.  I was stunned but said nothing.  I checked out and then turned around to her and said, trying to explain,  " I was just being assertive, not rude. "   She took it well:  She screamed back " Bitch! "

 

On my way home, I became very distressed.  Upset at myself.  The voices began their chorus:  I was rude, I had no right to jump ahead of her, why did I have to be assertive, I am no good, nobody likes me, I'm worthless.  I was so upset, I almost crashed my car.

 

In hindsight, I wish I had just let her go ahead of me.  That would have been the kind thing to do, after she raised a ruckus.  But I was stubborn and held my ground to make my point.

 

What irks me most is that I let her upset me (well, I allowed myself to become upset) when I actually did nothing wrong, even though I could have done something different.  I am " should-ing " all over myself and can't believe that such an incident can wring so much out of my emotions.  Sometimes I think we live in the tiniest places inside ourselves!

 

Tomorrow, I think that I will go out of my way to be extra nice to somebody to make up for the missed opportunity on my part today. 

 

Because I value being compassionate more than being right.

 

Helena

[Guest guest]

I am feeling so yummy knowing that I said something that was helpful to someone else!Thanks, Ingrid.

Helena

Re: Being right is not all it's cracked up to be!

Helena

I love your honesty! Thank you for this. I am in a very stressful place right now and find that that seems to be when I'm short on compassion.

I will remember this insight - it's feels good to be 'right' but it feels better to be 'nice'.

For me, anyway.

Compassionately

Ingrid

I had an altercation with another shopper today in a "party" store. I was next in line behind a shopper who had about 60 items to check out; I had only one birthday card, and only one checkout person was on duty, After about 10 minutes, another checkout line opened. The people behind me sprung over to the new line in front of me, but I followed and was assertive, saying, "I believe I was the next person in line" and I moved to the front of that line. The person directly behind me started yelling about how rude I was, how she wasn't trying to get ahead of me, her mother was in the hospital, etc. I was stunned but said nothing. I checked out and then turned around to her and said, trying to explain, "I was just being assertive, not rude." She took it well: She screamed back "Bitch!"

On my way home, I became very distressed. Upset at myself. The voices began their chorus: I was rude, I had no right to jump ahead of her, why did I have to be assertive, I am no good, nobody likes me, I'm worthless. I was so upset, I almost crashed my car.

In hindsight, I wish I had just let her go ahead of me. That would have been the kind thing to do, after she raised a ruckus. But I was stubborn and held my ground to make my point.

What irks me most is that I let her upset me (well, I allowed myself to become upset) when I actually did nothing wrong, even though I could have done something different. I am "should-ing" all over myself and can't believe that such an incident can wring so much out of my emotions. Sometimes I think we live in the tiniest places inside ourselves!

Tomorrow, I think that I will go out of my way to be extra nice to somebody to make up for the missed opportunity on my part today.

Because I value being compassionate more than being right.

Helena

[Guest guest]

You're welcome!  Your insights are very often helpful to me - I just don't always open up to the possibility that might be welcome!  Something to be mindful of methinks!

 

Thank you!

 

I am feeling so yummy knowing that I said something that was helpful to someone else!Thanks, Ingrid.

 

Helena

Re: Being right is not all it's cracked up to         be! 

Helena

 

I love your honesty!  Thank you for this.  I am in a very stressful place right now and find that that seems to be when I'm short on compassion.

 

I will remember this insight - it's feels good to be 'right' but it feels better to be 'nice'.

 

For me, anyway.

 

Compassionately

 

Ingrid

 

I had an altercation with another shopper today in a " party " store.  I was next in line behind a shopper who had about 60 items to check out; I had only one birthday card, and only one checkout person was on duty,  After about 10 minutes, another checkout line opened.  The people behind me sprung over to the new line in front of me, but I followed and was assertive, saying,  " I believe I was the next person in line " and I moved to the front of that line. 

The person directly behind me started yelling about how rude I was, how she wasn't trying to get ahead of me, her mother was in the hospital, etc.  I was stunned but said nothing.  I checked out and then turned around to her and said, trying to explain,  " I was just being assertive, not rude. "   She took it well:  She screamed back " Bitch! "

 

On my way home, I became very distressed.  Upset at myself.  The voices began their chorus:  I was rude, I had no right to jump ahead of her, why did I have to be assertive, I am no good, nobody likes me, I'm worthless.  I was so upset, I almost crashed my car.

 

In hindsight, I wish I had just let her go ahead of me.  That would have been the kind thing to do, after she raised a ruckus.  But I was stubborn and held my ground to make my point.

 

What irks me most is that I let her upset me (well, I allowed myself to become upset) when I actually did nothing wrong, even though I could have done something different.  I am " should-ing " all over myself and can't believe that such an incident can wring so much out of my emotions.  Sometimes I think we live in the tiniest places inside ourselves!

 

Tomorrow, I think that I will go out of my way to be extra nice to somebody to make up for the missed opportunity on my part today. 

 

Because I value being compassionate more than being right.

 

Helena

[Guest guest]

That she would bring up her mother being in hospital makes my BS

detector buzz something awful. I think you were/are too hard on

yourself. Next time someone brings up the " mother in hospital " line,

come up with one that's even more dire, eg, my mother's in hospital and

my father's in jail for putting her there.

For all we know, her mother might be a cleaner at the hospital. Just

sayin'.

Regards,

Detlef

> >

> >

> >

> > I had an altercation with another shopper today in a " party "

store. I was next in line behind a shopper who had about 60 items

to check out; I had only one birthday card, and only one

checkout person was on duty, After about 10 minutes,

another checkout line opened. The people behind me sprung over to

the new line in front of me, but I followed and was assertive,

saying, " I believe I was the next person in line " and I moved to

the front of that line.Â

> >

> > The person directly behind me started yelling about how rude I was,

how she wasn't trying to get ahead of me, her mother was in the

hospital, etc. I was stunned but said nothing. I checked

out and then turned around to her and said, trying to explain, " I

was just being assertive, not rude. " Â She took it well:Â She

screamed back " Bitch! "

> >

> >

> >

> > On my way home, I became very distressed. Upset at

myself. The voices began their chorus: I was rude, I had

no right to jump ahead of her, why did I have to be assertive, I am no

good, nobody likes me, I'm worthless. I was so upset, I almost

crashed my car.

> >

> >

> >

> > In hindsight, I wish I had just let her go ahead of me. That

would have been the kind thing to do, after she raised a ruckus.Â

But I was stubborn and held my ground to make my point.

> >

> >

> >

> > What irks me most is that I let her upset me (well, I allowed

myself to become upset) when I actually did nothing wrong, even

though I could have done something different. I am " should-ing "

all over myself and can't believe that such an incident can wring

so much out of my emotions. Sometimes I think we live in the

tiniest places inside ourselves!

> >

> >

> >

> > Tomorrow, I think that I will go out of my way to be extra nice to

somebody to make up for the missed opportunity on my part today.Â

> >

> >

> >

> > Because I value being compassionate more than being right.

> >

> >

> >

> > Helena

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Helena –

Marvelous story, made really wonderful for us because of the awareness and

insight you brought to the moment.

As for going out of your way tomorrow to be extra nice to someone, I don't

know... I thought you acted perfectly properly...

....but what the heck, let's do it, let's ALL perform an act of kindness tomorrow

for this poor woman who was in enough pain to vesuvius there in the party store

and whose mother might or might not be in hospital. And hope that on her way

home she was able to reach the kind of awareness and equanimity Helena did.

Thanks for this. Made my day.

Best regards to you and to the list,

Tom Hardy

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I had an altercation with another shopper today in a " party "

> store. I was next in line behind a shopper who had about 60 items

> to check out; I had only one birthday card, and only one

> checkout person was on duty, After about 10 minutes,

> another checkout line opened. The people behind me sprung over to

> the new line in front of me, but I followed and was assertive,

> saying, " I believe I was the next person in line " and I moved to

> the front of that line.Â

> > >

> > > The person directly behind me started yelling about how rude I was,

> how she wasn't trying to get ahead of me, her mother was in the

> hospital, etc. I was stunned but said nothing. I checked

> out and then turned around to her and said, trying to explain, " I

> was just being assertive, not rude. " Â She took it well:Â She

> screamed back " Bitch! "

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > On my way home, I became very distressed. Upset at

> myself. The voices began their chorus: I was rude, I had

> no right to jump ahead of her, why did I have to be assertive, I am no

> good, nobody likes me, I'm worthless. I was so upset, I almost

> crashed my car.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > In hindsight, I wish I had just let her go ahead of me. That

> would have been the kind thing to do, after she raised a ruckus.Â

> But I was stubborn and held my ground to make my point.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > What irks me most is that I let her upset me (well, I allowed

> myself to become upset) when I actually did nothing wrong, even

> though I could have done something different. I am " should-ing "

> all over myself and can't believe that such an incident can wring

> so much out of my emotions. Sometimes I think we live in the

> tiniest places inside ourselves!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Tomorrow, I think that I will go out of my way to be extra nice to

> somebody to make up for the missed opportunity on my part today.Â

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Because I value being compassionate more than being right.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Helena

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It's been said, but yeah, I think you were being too hard on yourself. That being said, I do it far too much as well. If I was in that situation I could have been screwed either way. If I didn't say anything I would think I was being too nice and getting pushed around. If I did speak up, I might have thought that I did it wrong, I was being rude, or might have gotten in a hypothetical situation in my head that told me I was going to get in a fight. Either way I would have been anxious. I think you did well. I value assertiveness. I also value compassion. You can't be nice to everyone and when the situation calls for it you need to be assertive.

I don't think her mother was in the hospital. To me that's BS. One thing you can take away from it though is that if she acted out like that then she is definitely hurting about something. 

 

I had an altercation with another shopper today in a " party " store.  I was next in line behind a shopper who had about 60 items to check out; I had only one birthday card, and only one checkout person was on duty,  After about 10 minutes, another checkout line opened.  The people behind me sprung over to the new line in front of me, but I followed and was assertive, saying,  " I believe I was the next person in line " and I moved to the front of that line. 

The person directly behind me started yelling about how rude I was, how she wasn't trying to get ahead of me, her mother was in the hospital, etc.  I was stunned but said nothing.  I checked out and then turned around to her and said, trying to explain,  " I was just being assertive, not rude. "   She took it well:  She screamed back " Bitch! "

 

On my way home, I became very distressed.  Upset at myself.  The voices began their chorus:  I was rude, I had no right to jump ahead of her, why did I have to be assertive, I am no good, nobody likes me, I'm worthless.  I was so upset, I almost crashed my car.

 

In hindsight, I wish I had just let her go ahead of me.  That would have been the kind thing to do, after she raised a ruckus.  But I was stubborn and held my ground to make my point.

 

What irks me most is that I let her upset me (well, I allowed myself to become upset) when I actually did nothing wrong, even though I could have done something different.  I am " should-ing " all over myself and can't believe that such an incident can wring so much out of my emotions.  Sometimes I think we live in the tiniest places inside ourselves!

 

Tomorrow, I think that I will go out of my way to be extra nice to somebody to make up for the missed opportunity on my part today. 

 

Because I value being compassionate more than being right.

 

Helena

[Guest guest]

Thanks, . As our wise friend said in a post a bit earlier today, "the truth or falsity of her assertion has no bearing." I am normally not anxious when being assertive; it kicked in only after I was so rudely accused of being rude. I guess it reminded me of my parents angrily yelling at each other and us kids when I was young. I get very nervous around yelling and screaming and just want to disappear. I hid under the bed when I was a kid (funny story: One time my parents couldn't find me because I was so well hidden that they had to call the police, who found me behind some boxes in the closet).

Thanks for your support, and I will take everyone's consensus to heart that I was being too hard on myself!

Helena

Re: Being right is not all it's cracked up to be!

It's been said, but yeah, I think you were being too hard on yourself. That being said, I do it far too much as well. If I was in that situation I could have been screwed either way. If I didn't say anything I would think I was being too nice and getting pushed around. If I did speak up, I might have thought that I did it wrong, I was being rude, or might have gotten in a hypothetical situation in my head that told me I was going to get in a fight. Either way I would have been anxious. I think you did well. I value assertiveness. I also value compassion. You can't be nice to everyone and when the situation calls for it you need to be assertive. I don't think her mother was in the hospital. To me that's BS. One thing you can take away from it though is that if she acted out like that then she is definitely hurting about something.

I had an altercation with another shopper today in a "party" store. I was next in line behind a shopper who had about 60 items to check out; I had only one birthday card, and only one checkout person was on duty, After about 10 minutes, another checkout line opened. The people behind me sprung over to the new line in front of me, but I followed and was assertive, saying, "I believe I was the next person in line" and I moved to the front of that line. The person directly behind me started yelling about how rude I was, how she wasn't trying to get ahead of me, her mother was in the hospital, etc. I was stunned but said nothing. I checked out and then turned around to her and said, trying to explain, "I was just being assertive, not rude." She took it well: She screamed back "Bitch!"

On my way home, I became very distressed. Upset at myself. The voices began their chorus: I was rude, I had no right to jump ahead of her, why did I have to be assertive, I am no good, nobody likes me, I'm worthless. I was so upset, I almost crashed my car.

In hindsight, I wish I had just let her go ahead of me. That would have been the kind thing to do, after she raised a ruckus. But I was stubborn and held my ground to make my point.

What irks me most is that I let her upset me (well, I allowed myself to become upset) when I actually did nothing wrong, even though I could have done something different. I am "should-ing" all over myself and can't believe that such an incident can wring so much out of my emotions. Sometimes I think we live in the tiniest places inside ourselves!

Tomorrow, I think that I will go out of my way to be extra nice to somebody to make up for the missed opportunity on my part today.

Because I value being compassionate more than being right.

Helena

[Guest guest]

I liked what said as well. Being aware of that truth in a confrontation could be very helpful. .

 

Thanks, . As our wise friend said in a post a bit earlier today, " the truth or falsity of her assertion has no bearing. "   I am normally not anxious when being assertive; it kicked in only after I was so rudely accused of being rude.  I guess it reminded me of my parents angrily yelling at each other and us kids when I was young.  I get very nervous around yelling and screaming and just want to disappear.  I hid under the bed when I was a kid (funny story:  One time my parents couldn't find me because I was so well hidden that they had to call the police, who found me behind some boxes in the closet).

 

Thanks for your support, and I will take everyone's consensus to heart that I was being too hard on myself! 

 

Helena

Re: Being right is not all it's cracked up to         be!

 

It's been said, but yeah, I think you were being too hard on yourself. That being said, I do it far too much as well. If I was in that situation I could have been screwed either way. If I didn't say anything I would think I was being too nice and getting pushed around. If I did speak up, I might have thought that I did it wrong, I was being rude, or might have gotten in a hypothetical situation in my head that told me I was going to get in a fight. Either way I would have been anxious. I think you did well. I value assertiveness. I also value compassion. You can't be nice to everyone and when the situation calls for it you need to be assertive.

I don't think her mother was in the hospital. To me that's BS. One thing you can take away from it though is that if she acted out like that then she is definitely hurting about something. 

 

I had an altercation with another shopper today in a " party " store.  I was next in line behind a shopper who had about 60 items to check out; I had only one birthday card, and only one checkout person was on duty,  After about 10 minutes, another checkout line opened.  The people behind me sprung over to the new line in front of me, but I followed and was assertive, saying,  " I believe I was the next person in line " and I moved to the front of that line. 

The person directly behind me started yelling about how rude I was, how she wasn't trying to get ahead of me, her mother was in the hospital, etc.  I was stunned but said nothing.  I checked out and then turned around to her and said, trying to explain,  " I was just being assertive, not rude. "   She took it well:  She screamed back " Bitch! "

 

On my way home, I became very distressed.  Upset at myself.  The voices began their chorus:  I was rude, I had no right to jump ahead of her, why did I have to be assertive, I am no good, nobody likes me, I'm worthless.  I was so upset, I almost crashed my car.

 

In hindsight, I wish I had just let her go ahead of me.  That would have been the kind thing to do, after she raised a ruckus.  But I was stubborn and held my ground to make my point.

 

What irks me most is that I let her upset me (well, I allowed myself to become upset) when I actually did nothing wrong, even though I could have done something different.  I am " should-ing " all over myself and can't believe that such an incident can wring so much out of my emotions.  Sometimes I think we live in the tiniest places inside ourselves!

 

Tomorrow, I think that I will go out of my way to be extra nice to somebody to make up for the missed opportunity on my part today. 

 

Because I value being compassionate more than being right.

 

Helena