When nada has a lucid moment, escaping before it is too late

[Guest guest]

Well...it was bound to happen sooner or later...I had to break my N/C

boundry that I had set up with my nada. Hubby had a package he has been

waiting for...and it was accidentally delivered to nada's house. I was out

putting something in the mail box, and the fed-ex guy said he had

accidentally delivered it there. " Do you want me to go get it? " he asked.

I could see the look on his face like " oh, please don't make me go back

there " ...I waved, smiled and said " no that's ok " . Then I made a mental note

that I really need to work on that obligation flea of mine. As I walked

over there, I knew she was home...I could tell by the look on the Fed-Ex

guys face...like he had just escaped death.

Well...I went and picked up the package...and guess what...she was totally

fine. No guilt, no irrational thoughts or threats...no crying, no scene..

she was totally fine. We had a really nice chat for about an hour and she

didn't even manage to cross any of the boundries that I set up in my head to

avoid. At one point, she even said " you know, sometimes I get mad at your

father because he won't get therapy.....because he sees all the things that

go wrong is faults of everyone else...it's never him...and I got to thinking

...maybe I should go to therapy myself...because I'm guilty of thinking the

same way. " I just smiled and said " well I love you both, and wish the best

for both of you...I hope the two of you figure it all out " and got the heck

outta there. I honestly don't think the comment was something to hoover me

back in...I think it was an honest-to-God realization of hers....but i'm

also not stupid...nor a glutton for punishment.

I think the N/C has been a good thing, and I'm not reconsidering it in light

of this " good " moment....a decent conversation changes nothing in my mind..

the past is the past and I think my road to healing is still remaining N/C

and resuming my plans to get the heck outta here. What I'm worried about is

where everything is in HER mind now. (You all know how the nada amnesia

works) I never TOLD her that I was purposely avoiding her and staying away..

but after a couple days I'm sure she just caught on. I'm concerned that now

she thinks everything is back to square one...and it is like nothing ever

happened. I really don't WANT to go and start a confrontation and put her

on notice that I am cutting her out of my life...especially since we

actually had a decent hour of conversation...it really WILL seem like I am

coming out of nowhere. I'm now looking back and I am concerned that I

inadvertently sabatoged the consistancy I have been working on for the past

couple of weeks. Do I just continue my N/C where I left off like nothing

ever happened, or do you guys think I need to formally just let it be known

that I'm cutting them out of my life? Won't it seem really stupid if I walk

over there and say " you know...just because we had a normal conversation

today changes nothing...i still want nothing to do with any of you " ....Or

should I be like her and have amnesia and just pretend like the one " good "

hour with her in 37 years never happened?

Ugggh....it's so frustrating how crazy they make us in the wake of any type

of communication we have with them. It would just be so nice to have ONE

parent that I could have a relationship with that I wouldn't have to spend

hours analyzing every single word that was spoken. I just feel so paranoid

sometimes. UGH...i need chocolate!

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny