New here

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I've just joined this group after reading several books on BPD. I

recently found out that my mom is borderline, after years of

wondering what exactly was wrong...or if it was me that was what was

wrong.

I guess I'm a little lost here. I'm graduating from college in a

couple of weeks and am moving back home at the end of July. I tried

everything I could to prevent myself from going back home, but my

financial situation just doesn't afford it. The problem is that my

mom is so incredibly close to me. She's used statements like " I am

you, you are me. " I'm planning on applying to law school in the

fall, and if I end up going to a school out of state, my mom wants to

move with me. She doesn't want to live without me. " I only have so

many years left, " she says. When I'm home, it's as if I'm being

observed all the time. She needs to know everything I do, when I'll

be home, and who I associate myself with. Now, this seems natural

for a mother and a teenager, but I am an adult (a young adult, but

still an adult.)

At the same time, however, when my mom is happy, she's amazing. She

has the kindest heart of anyone I know and, I really do believe, that

she loves me very much. She has even helped me with my own

psychological issues of depression, anxiety, and bulemia/anorexia.

I guess my real conflict about moving home is that, since I've been

at college, I've built myself a life that my mom knows fairly little

about. I'm not talking about drinking and parties and the

like...just normal stuff. Like the fact that some days I like to be

quiet and just be to myself. At home, my mom would take this as a

sign of my depression, and assume that I wasn't " managing " my stress

adequately.

In addition to that, I've acquired relationships that my mom refused

to accept. I have a boyfriend, who is amazing, but not what my mom

wants for me. He doesn't have a college degree, lives in a low

income neighborhood, and is hispanic (my mom's rages result in some

pretty racist statments sometimes) I tried to tell her about him,

but she would not accept it. She threatened to committ suicide if I

continued to go out with him. I'm not even living at home now, and I

wouldn't put it past her to come over to my apartment and literally

camp out in front of my door, so I don't go out with him. I became

so emotionally drained after months of all this that I finally just

told her that we broke up. I know this probably wasn't the best

thing to do, but I felt so trapped.

I've tried to cut myself off from my mom and told her that because

she doesn't respect my choices, I can't have a healthy relationship

with her. But, she does more of the same thing. She'll come over to

my apartment, show up at school in my classes, or send my dad over

to " bring me home " so we can talk. So, I just end up lying to her

about most of the things that she will object to...which is most of

the things in my life.

Sometimes I feel like things are so hopeless. I don't know how to

get out of this situation.

Anyway, I'm sorry for such a long post, and I know many of you

proabably know exactly what I'm going through. It's just really nice

to know that I'm not the only adult child of a borderline in the

world.

Katers