thank you again

[Guest guest]

A thank you again to all who post and share their lives on this site. I am

deeply touched,

moved, helped, bouyed and freed by so many. Have not been on in a couple of

weeks.

Sought advice from you guys a few days ago, but it did not post - I presume

because I was

asking for opinions on a certain situation/ advice on a certain situation...I'm

not sure of

the rules, forgive me - I will revisit them. Just wanted to say regarding

verbal abuse and

invalidating coments: so many invalidating coments I have read are identical to

ones I

have heard from my mother over the years. It makes my skin crawl, it's so

eeryily

accurate. (You're living MY childhood!!) - wanted to say i am dumbfounded by so

much of

what i heard that is sometimes more cutting and i always just absorbed it

thinking, this is

what i am suppposed to hear, this is what life is about, this is normal. I'm

sitting here a

bit stunned.

Realizing at 42 that it's not loving and not normal: " I wish you were never

born. " " I never

wanted you and when I was pregnant your father begged me for an abortion but i

thought

I would do anything to not let that happen " " Your father never wanted you but I

made it

work " " He was cheating on me and wouldn't give " that up " even when YOU were

due " , " I

was all alone and neither family wanted the child (me) or anything to do with

me, but I got

through it and here you are my darling " (how #@%#% up is that?) Later around

twelve:

" You don't have friends, you collect them " " I love you but I don't like you " "

You can say

all you want how much you love me but you don't know how to love " (this started

getting

etched in my memory around 10) " You're insane, i really should send you away to

a

pychiatric ward " " You need to be locked up " . ( I conforonted her this

christmas about that

last comment that was drilled into me repeatedly throughout 11-17 and she said

to me

" you're insane, i never called you these things, you need your head examined,

you're crazy

etc etc " i said mum, you're telling me this right now......duhhhhhh.

here's some more please, just so i can vent a little: You're not fat (I never

have been at

all. quite nice figure really but truthfully not her sophia Loren figure -

seriously)... " You're

not fat " you're just stocky....i have such long, long legs, i've never really

known what to do

with them, they've only gotten me into trouble, I trip over them etc....(this is

by-weekly my

whole life). you have nice legs too darling...much more in proportion to your

body - nice

compact ones..you're sturdy. You'll never be long and lean. don't worry, you

probably

won't want to be.

it's endless folks, nevermind the topic!!!! I asked her to go to therapy with

me to work

some things out and after much ranting and raging horrifically on me and telling

me i had

moved on to La La land she told me she was performing " cognitive behavior

therapy on

herself " .

Also, regardless, if I compliment her, she has no idea where i came up with the

" nonsense " . when I toot my horn about my own merits she can't see how i could

see that

about myself.... " that's not how I see you.... " reminds me of posting a few

days ago

(sorry, don't know how to look back and see who that was - but my heart went out

to you

sweetie!!!!) where the mum never saw you as intuitive, but clearly you

were.......If you are

happy studying to be a therapist/counsellor then clearly it is your darma.

Once again, thank you for letting me share, I'm having a hard day.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Sorry your having a hard day. I had one yesterday, and am hoping today will

be better if I set my mind to it.

I just wanted to send a quick note to welcome you and say hello. Almost

every word of what you wrote here is like a big deja vue from my own

childhood and I can hear the voice of my own Nada too. It makes me feel so

angry.

thank you again

>A thank you again to all who post and share their lives on this site. I am

>deeply touched,

> moved, helped, bouyed and freed by so many. Have not been on in a couple

> of weeks.

> Sought advice from you guys a few days ago, but it did not post - I

> presume because I was

> asking for opinions on a certain situation/ advice on a certain

> situation...I'm not sure of

> the rules, forgive me - I will revisit them. Just wanted to say regarding

> verbal abuse and

> invalidating coments: so many invalidating coments I have read are

> identical to ones I

> have heard from my mother over the years. It makes my skin crawl, it's

> so eeryily

> accurate. (You're living MY childhood!!) - wanted to say i am dumbfounded

> by so much of

> what i heard that is sometimes more cutting and i always just absorbed it

> thinking, this is

> what i am suppposed to hear, this is what life is about, this is normal.

> I'm sitting here a

> bit stunned.

>

> Realizing at 42 that it's not loving and not normal: " I wish you were

> never born. " " I never

> wanted you and when I was pregnant your father begged me for an abortion

> but i thought

> I would do anything to not let that happen " " Your father never wanted you

> but I made it

> work " " He was cheating on me and wouldn't give " that up " even when YOU

> were due " , " I

> was all alone and neither family wanted the child (me) or anything to do

> with me, but I got

> through it and here you are my darling " (how #@%#% up is that?) Later

> around twelve:

> " You don't have friends, you collect them " " I love you but I don't like

> you " " You can say

> all you want how much you love me but you don't know how to love " (this

> started getting

> etched in my memory around 10) " You're insane, i really should send you

> away to a

> pychiatric ward " " You need to be locked up " . ( I conforonted her this

> christmas about that

> last comment that was drilled into me repeatedly throughout 11-17 and she

> said to me

> " you're insane, i never called you these things, you need your head

> examined, you're crazy

> etc etc " i said mum, you're telling me this right now......duhhhhhh.

> here's some more please, just so i can vent a little: You're not fat (I

> never have been at

> all. quite nice figure really but truthfully not her sophia Loren figure -

> seriously)... " You're

> not fat " you're just stocky....i have such long, long legs, i've never

> really known what to do

> with them, they've only gotten me into trouble, I trip over them

> etc....(this is by-weekly my

> whole life). you have nice legs too darling...much more in proportion to

> your body - nice

> compact ones..you're sturdy. You'll never be long and lean. don't worry,

> you probably

> won't want to be.

>

> it's endless folks, nevermind the topic!!!! I asked her to go to therapy

> with me to work

> some things out and after much ranting and raging horrifically on me and

> telling me i had

> moved on to La La land she told me she was performing " cognitive behavior

> therapy on

> herself " .

>

> Also, regardless, if I compliment her, she has no idea where i came up

> with the

> " nonsense " . when I toot my horn about my own merits she can't see how i

> could see that

> about myself.... " that's not how I see you.... " reminds me of posting a

> few days ago

> (sorry, don't know how to look back and see who that was - but my heart

> went out to you

> sweetie!!!!) where the mum never saw you as intuitive, but clearly you

> were.......If you are

> happy studying to be a therapist/counsellor then clearly it is your darma.

>

> Once again, thank you for letting me share, I'm having a hard day.

>

>

>

>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

> 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>