Guest guest Posted August 7, 2010 Report Share Posted August 7, 2010 Here's a side note. Through reading these threads I had a little eureka moment, yay! My husband and I figured out through trial and error some of the things mentioned here--that it can be best to email or text your spouse to communicate clearly, for example--but I only just realized that the reason he doesn't like me asking how his day was AND doesn't care about the details of my day is probably an AS trait! I had already learned not to take it personally and treat it as a personal quirk, but this helps me feel better. I know he really cares about me; he just doesn't like the nitty gritty details of my day. I suppose that could be a non-AS trait too, but something just clicked in my head when I read this thread. Thanks, everyone, and I admire your skills at managing a conflict even here on this message board. It speaks to your ability to live with a non-communicative spouse that you can restrain yourselves and forgive misspoken words where many people would resort to flaming since its an online board with some anonymity. On Sat, Aug 7, 2010 at 6:47 AM, <aspires-relationships > wrote: Aspires-relationships Messages In This Digest (13 Messages) 1a. Re: AS or jerky behaviour/work out whats for the good? From: JUDY BARROW 2a. Re: Article~Castration Drug Used as Autism Therapy From: JUDY BARROW 3a. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? From: Liz Cademy 3b. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? From: lisamc8898 3c. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? From: lisamc8898 3d. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? From: 3e. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? From: Liz Cademy 3f. AS or jerky behaviour? From: Newland 3g. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? () From: CJ 3h. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? From: Jennie Unknown 3i. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? From: CJ 3j. Re: AS or jerky behaviour? () From: Liz Cademy 4. Asperger's Disorder Misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality From: Newland View All Topics | Create New Topic Messages 1a. Re: AS or jerky behaviour/work out whats for the good? Posted by: " JUDY BARROW " judy.barrow@... judy8608 Fri Aug 6, 2010 4:45 am (PDT) I agree Bobby, we have tried for the best we can get in a climate where its hard enough to get work, let alone work if you are AS and people around you are not open to that. I, as you know, live with AS Ian, and his only income, when he gets any, is through his writing. Its a hard lesson, but for us its me who is the translator, the breadwinner and the coper. You are right about the communication, sometimes emailing IN THE SAME ROOM is the only way I can talk to Ian! And, use short sharp sentences; letting Ian do his communication his way, but making sure to speak to each other about what we each need. After many years, Ian understands that I need emotional connections, and he tries hard to ask me how I am, even if he doesnt listen for long... I hope that with the progress in understanding AS, those children and youngsters living with AS now will grow into a warmer climate of understanding than Ian, 51, has. Judy, saying 'wotcha mate', from across the water > I have an adult son, 53, only recently diagnosed as AS. He is intelligent, interesting, pleasant although opinionated, and completely unable to see the necessity to hold a job and make money. He is completely unable to manage his money. Before he was diagnosed it drove me nuts trying to get him to concentrate on the nitty-gritty of survival. > > I would say things like: " Look, if you are unemployed you have a full time job - looking for work, getting your resume out, making phone calls, etc. " . He agreed but nothing happened for very long. He spends his time doing advanced programming for the pleasure of working with numbers. Now he is diagnosed with AS and I have been following this forum and others, I know, forget employment, it is not going to happen. So stop going grey over it, just get him whatever government support is available and hope that when I am gone he doesn't end up as a bum wandering the streets with a shopping-cart with his computer in it. I wish he had been diagnosed in his youth but back then AS had not been defined. We could have put more emphasis on teaching him the skills that come naturally to the NTs instead of encouraging his innate skill in math and stats. > > It grieves me to see people ruin their lives because of the difficulty of communicating with an AS partner. To the frustrated wife I would say think twice before giving up on him. If he has a job, is basically kind and pleasant then you have a treasure worth hanging on to. There are millions of women who would settle for a male with only two attributes, breathing and employed. So don't whip yourself into a lather trying to change him, try different methods of communication, email and texting for instance, even if he is in the next room. And keep reading this forum, it has helped me a lot to read about what others are going through and how they have handled it. > > Good luck. > Bob , geekfather. > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > " We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony. > Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony > It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial. > We all contribute to the song of life. " > ...Sondra > > We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference. > > ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated list. > Responsibility for posts to ASPIRES lies entirely with the original author. > Do NOT post mail off-list without the author's permission. > When in doubt, please refer to our list rules at: > http://www.aspires-relationships.com/info_rules.htm > ASPIRES ~ Climbing the mountain TOGETHER > http://www.aspires-relationships.com > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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