Is Tony Soprano's Mother Borderline?

[Guest guest]

Is Tony Soprano's Mother Borderline?

(And Why It Matters)

Well, the last episode of the Sopranos aired last Sunday. While everyone was

scratching their head at the abrupt ending, I was scratching my head

wondering why Tony's psychiatrist, Dr. Melfi, diagnosed Tony's monster

mother Livia with Borderline Personality Disorder (he mentioned it in this

last episode). Maybe Livia has it, maybe she doesn't. But I don't see most

of the critical characteristics.

For one thing, I don't see any inner fear of abandonment there, hidden or

unhidden. I'm not sure she fears anything. I don't see any real splitting:

in fact, her vision of most people is quite consistent (she doesn't like

anyone). I don't see her emotions varying much: she's always cranky and

critical.

Livia didn't try to get her desperate emotional needs met, not unless you

count self-satisfaction at getting even. She didn't do anything impulsively.

She was cold and calculating. You could see her waiting, biding her time and

pulling the strings in the background while mewing, " What did I say now? "

Certainly she had some BPD characteristics. But we all do.

To look at why she acted the way she did, let's look at her from a

sociological point of view instead of the psychological. Like most women in

that culture (and ours, too), the only way she had control was behind the

scenes. An " accidental " off-hand comment ( " Your father is seeing a

psychiatrist " ) or her veiled suggestion to Uncle Junior to kill her own son

shows that she exerted her way through powerful men whom she could influence

to do her bidding. Tony's sister Janice did the same thing. So did our first

ladies-except for , who was vilified.

My theory is that Producer Chase named Livia after the conniving wife

of early Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus. Among other things, she poisoned

rivals for the throne to put her own son into power. You know how he like to

do things subtly.

And I bet that If Livia had been one of Tony's male " associates, " her way of

doing business would have fit right in. Heck, Tony would probably have

patted her on the back and asked her to step up her game.

If we're going to put Livia on the couch, let's take a look at another set

of criteria from the DSM-IV-TR-significantly one that is supposed to affect

mostly men: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Some of them look like they

fit Livia pretty well:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance,

beauty, or ideal love

3. Believes that he or she is " special " and unique and can only be

understood by other special people

4. Requires excessive admiration

5. Strong sense of entitlement

6. Takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

7. Lacks empathy

8. Is often envious or believes others are envious of him or her

9. Arrogant affect (expressed emotion)

I find it quite telling that NPD affects more men than women, while BPD is

thought to be an overwhelmingly female disorder. We tend to see what we

expect to see.

As personality disorders become better known and more widely discussed in

the media, we need to be alert and speak up when women like Livia are tagged

as " borderline. " It would be a tragic if our wish to spread the word about

BPD results in further stigmatization. We also must train mental health

professionals to make a diagnosis according to the criteria, not the

person's gender.

Livia is dead and gone, but not these issues. Let's keep them in mind, and

be sure others do, too.

Randi Kreger

www.BPDCentral.com <http://www.bpdcentral.com/>

Coauthor Stop Walking On Eggshells

Author, Stop Walking On Eggshells Workbook

Randi Kreger

Randi@...

www.BPDCentral.com

Eggshells Press

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