Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 KO is a " kid of " a borderline. A " dh " is dear husband, " ds " dear son, " dd " dear daughter, etc > > I've been wondering what dh and ds mean and can't seem to find them > in the list of abbreviations (which can be found in the 'files' link > on the left-hand column of this page) > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Superfreecat---- > > > > I think you raise some very important questions. > > > > My take on this issue is basically as follows (others > > of course may > > not agree): > > > > Parents decide to have children. Children do not > > decide to be born. > > The quality of the parent/child relationship is, at > > the outset, 100% > > the responsibility of the parent. It stays that way > > for a long > > time. Parents have duties to their children. In > > childhood, children > > have only the duty to grow and thrive as best they > > can. This > > includes gradually learning to bear responsibility, > > but only as much > > as it serves the child's growth to bear. > > > > If (If!) parents fulfill their obligations when their > > children are > > small, then, as the child grows up, a relationship of > > equality can > > develop. Children may choose to help and care for > > their parents, but > > even when they are grown up, the children's primary > > duty is not to > > their parents -- it's to their own children, if they > > have them, or to > > make some other form of contribution to the world in > > general. Having > > kids so that you can, in any sense, live off them, is > > not an > > acceptable thing to do. > > > > If parents don't fulfill their duties when children > > are small, their > > children don't owe them a thing. > > > > That covers _duties_. Or justice, if you like. > > > > Then there's doing the right thing, which, as I (like > > many people) > > believe, includes doing things you aren't obliged to > > do, and going > > beyond what simple justice requires. Responding with > > charity and > > love to those who do wrong. All that stuff. That's > > completely a > > completely separate question from what you _owe_. > > > > I think for most children of BPs, the idea of charity > > is important, > > but also problematic. Most of us have had this idea > > used against us > > as a weapon in one way or another, and have had to > > struggle to get > > back to a point of healthy selfishness. Trying to act > > with charity > > toward the BP is very frightening because it feels > > like getting > > sucked back into the old pattern. Depending on the > > individual > > situation, it may be more or less possible to do it. > > Some BPs > > absolutely will not respect any limit besides " No > > contact " . If you > > are in their life at all, you will live with constant > > chaos. And > > these individuals may do better in relationships with > > people who are > > not their children. I know this is true of my own > > mother: with her > > second husband, for example, she observes certain > > limits. She won't > > observe the same limits with me. I speculate that > > this is because > > she thinks back to the time when I was absolutely > > dependant on her, > > and her wish to experience that kind of power comes to > > the fore. > > With most people, she never had that kind of power. > > So in my > > understanding, even though she wants contact, and > > complains about my > > refusal to interact with her, she actual leads a much > > healthier life > > if I refuse. And I definitely lead a healthier life. > > And I have > > time and energy to practice charity where it will > > actually do some > > good. > > > > --Ivy Cr0wn > > > > > > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to > > ModOasis-owner > > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, > > can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and > > for the table of contents, go to: > > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS > > > > > > Visit your group " ModOasis " on the web. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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