Guest guest Posted July 13, 2007 Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Hi Cheri, Welcome to our group. Your plan to leave sounds like the best thing for you to do. As far as your home goes, you may have several options. If the deed is in both of your names, then you can ask your mother to buy you out, or for you both to sell it and split the proceeds. I know that either of these options will probably be start of WW III between you and your mother - but you should know that these are options. You could also just cut your loses and leave. Hopefully you have some financial resources, but if you don't, it is possible to start over again. I know several people in your age group who have had to do that, and they did it successfully. I am so sorry your mother is treating you this way. Another book you may want to get is 'Surviving the Borderline Parent'. It is a workbook, and has very good exercises to help us through wherever we are with our BPD parent. If they are not available at the bookstore, I am sure they could order them for you. Take care, Sylvia > > Hi all, > > I've only read a few of the past postings, but I already feel at home > here (which is hard for me to do, under any circumstances!) > > I think my mother must have gone to the same school as many of > yours. Do they really teach classes on " Ways to Make Your Adult > Children Miserable " ? Mine has her Masters Degree! > > I am attempting to escape from this witch, and move someplace where > she can't contact me. She, of course, is doing everything she can to > prevent this. > > I was stuck in a sort of " co-parenting " situation with her for the > past several years, caring for my grandparents, who have both now > passed away. My grandfather, who I loved more than anyone else in > the world, died several months ago. For him, I was willing to put up > with her sh*t, but he is gone, and I need to get away. She will > never change, and her only goal in life now is to destroy me. > > I feel so alone; she will not allow me to have any friends (you > should hear the scenes when I try to leave the house for a few > hours). I am in my forties, but have to explain every movement I > make, and account for every minute of my time. My grandad left the > house to both of us, and I had sold my home and left my job in > another state, to care for my grandparents. > > If anyone has any suggestions, I would be happy to hear them. I just > feel so trapped and alone right now. > > I've heard of the SWOE book, and would like to order it, but > unfortunately nada opens my mail, especially any packages. I haven't > found it in any bookstore where I can buy it directly. > > Cheri > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2007 Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Hello Cheri - Welcome! I've found this site an amazing place to be with people who really " get it " . So I'm glad you found us, and I'm sorry that you have to! Good for you for getting out of a toxic situation. You absolutely have the right to sell that house. A friend of mine just went through this with her crazy sister -- her Dad left them both a house. She had to force the sale, go to court. Sounds like you've been taking care of everyone but yourself lately. I hope you can make that change. I live 1000 or so miles from the FOO, and it's heaven. Please keep us posted on your progress, and welcome again! Letty P.S. you wrote " I am in my forties, but have to explain every movement I make, and account for every minute of my time. " I understand you might feel like you have to do this, but I hope you'd don't actually do it. What would happen if you simply said " Mom, I'm in my forties. I don't have to account to you for every minute of my time. Please stop asking me what I do every day. If I have something to share, I will share it. Otherwise I will expect you to respect my privacy " . and then clammed up? > > > > Hi all, > > > > I've only read a few of the past postings, but I already feel at > home > > here (which is hard for me to do, under any circumstances!) > > > > I think my mother must have gone to the same school as many of > > yours. Do they really teach classes on " Ways to Make Your Adult > > Children Miserable " ? Mine has her Masters Degree! > > > > I am attempting to escape from this witch, and move someplace > where > > she can't contact me. She, of course, is doing everything she can > to > > prevent this. > > > > I was stuck in a sort of " co-parenting " situation with her for the > > past several years, caring for my grandparents, who have both now > > passed away. My grandfather, who I loved more than anyone else in > > the world, died several months ago. For him, I was willing to put > up > > with her sh*t, but he is gone, and I need to get away. She will > > never change, and her only goal in life now is to destroy me. > > > > I feel so alone; she will not allow me to have any friends (you > > should hear the scenes when I try to leave the house for a few > > hours). I am in my forties, but have to explain every movement I > > make, and account for every minute of my time. My grandad left > the > > house to both of us, and I had sold my home and left my job in > > another state, to care for my grandparents. > > > > If anyone has any suggestions, I would be happy to hear them. I > just > > feel so trapped and alone right now. > > > > I've heard of the SWOE book, and would like to order it, but > > unfortunately nada opens my mail, especially any packages. I > haven't > > found it in any bookstore where I can buy it directly. > > > > Cheri > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2007 Report Share Posted July 13, 2007 Really, it is similar to dealing with children. You don't want your kid to have a tantrum. So you give in and give em what they want. (I know! I've done it so many times!) Eventually, the kid will take more and more control until you have to stand your ground, and then it gets really bad, and stays bad for a long time, until it maybe gets better, if you stick to your guns. -Deanna > P.S. you wrote " I am in my forties, but have to explain every movement > I make, and account for every minute of my time. " I understand you > might feel like you have to do this, but I hope you'd don't actually > do it. What would happen if you simply said " Mom, I'm in my forties. I > don't have to account to you for every minute of my time. Please stop > asking me what I do every day. If I have something to share, I will > share it. Otherwise I will expect you to respect my privacy " . and then > clammed up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2007 Report Share Posted July 14, 2007 Hi, and thanks for responding. I'm really hoping to make some online friends, because I really need them now that my grandad's gone. Well, today there was a whole new twist. I just can't believe this is happening. Nada and I had agreed to sell the house, which was in both of our names. Today we both got notices from her NPD brother and sister, that they are suing us regarding my grandad's will. This is just a nightmare. I gave up a high paying job and moved clear across the country, to take care of my grandparents. I was a caregiver for over 7 years, through an cancer, blocked bowels, diarrhea, vomiting, chemo, etc. It was horrible. And now this. My aunt and uncle did nothing to help care for their parents. They both took grand vacations, stayed at bed and breakfasts, dinners out with friends every weekend, expensive hobbies, while Nada and I did the doctor visits, surgeries, emergency room runs, fixing meals, keeping house, keeping them clean. My aunt and uncle would have left their parents lying in sh*t. I just can't believe this. And of course, rather than get properly prepared for a legal battle, documentation, etc, Nada wants to have a meltdown. But for now, I'm going to have to be stuck with her as my " partner " for however long this takes. This is a nightmare. Did I say this already? Help. Cheri > > Really, it is similar to dealing with children. You don't want your > kid to have a tantrum. So you give in and give em what they want. (I > know! I've done it so many times!) Eventually, the kid will take > more and more control until you have to stand your ground, and then it > gets really bad, and stays bad for a long time, until it maybe gets > better, if you stick to your guns. > > -Deanna > > > > P.S. you wrote " I am in my forties, but have to explain every movement > > I make, and account for every minute of my time. " I understand you > > might feel like you have to do this, but I hope you'd don't actually > > do it. What would happen if you simply said " Mom, I'm in my forties. I > > don't have to account to you for every minute of my time. Please stop > > asking me what I do every day. If I have something to share, I will > > share it. Otherwise I will expect you to respect my privacy " . and then > > clammed up? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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