Guest guest Posted October 2, 2005 Report Share Posted October 2, 2005 Hi Dawn, I'm not the board moderator, and I don't know how strict the 'rules' are about who can/cannot post. I don't have any objection to you being on this board. You are in somewhat of a chosen relationship with this BPD - going into the relationsip as an adult. KOs (Kids of a BPD parent) are in unchosen relationships. The effect is different. Because all this happened during our developmental years, we have problems that are directly due to not being nurtured and raised in a healthy manner. We are not only overwhelmed, hurt, angry and fed up....we have injured and damaged hearts and souls. If you have not read the book " Stop Walking on Eggshells " , I recommend that you do that. It is very good at explaining ways to deal/talk with a BPD when you are in a chosen relationship. It is also helpful to us KOs, but more of the book is focused on those chosen relationships. I wish you success in your endeavor.....it is not an easy task that you are undertaking. Sylvia > My name is Dawn and I am a Non-BPD (39 years of age). Within the past > year I have become the caretaker of a N/BPD the mother of my DH of 4 > years. We have two kids, my son 3 and daughter 11 months. My SIL, my > DH's older sister, has cut off all contact with her mother, the BPD in > question and father who is a co-dependent facilitator. My dh and I are > in marriage counciling, my SIL is in group therapy. We pressured my > MIL and FIL into counciling with a therapist and thier minister. Both > therapist and minister have diagnosed my MIL with BPD. MIL also has > fibromyalgia, arthritis and depression. She is 65. She lives less than > 100 yards from my SIL and 20 minutes from us. My father-in-law has had > major health problems which has left my DH and I to care for my MIL > and FIL at our house on and off because we live near the hospital. > > I have come under a barrage of unexplainable behavior. I can not make > sense of all the things my BPD-MIL says, does and has done to my SIL > and DH in the past. I am overwhelmed, hurt, angry and fed up, but not > willing to give up. > > May I join this discussion group or do I have to have a mother who is > a BPD? I will understand if the answer is no. > > Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2005 Report Share Posted October 2, 2005 Sylvia, I finished the book " Stop walking on Eggshells " last week. I have also been reading books on Boundaries and Dealing with Elderly Parents. All of which are helping me a great deal! Yes. I can see in my husband and sister-in-law that there is a huge difference between what I have been going through the past year and what they have gone through all of their lives. The pain in my sister-in-law is so deep and her stories of childhood are so hard for me to understand. I just don't know how children could grow up with out the words, " I love You " ever spoken to them. Children who were never told, " You are doing a great job! " , " You are amazing. " I just wish to understand this better. I believe it may be enough for me to just read the stories, since I can not give a Ko's perspective to the group. If that is okay. I may just do that. Dawn smhtrain2 wrote: Hi Dawn, I'm not the board moderator, and I don't know how strict the 'rules' are about who can/cannot post. I don't have any objection to you being on this board. You are in somewhat of a chosen relationship with this BPD - going into the relationsip as an adult. KOs (Kids of a BPD parent) are in unchosen relationships. The effect is different. Because all this happened during our developmental years, we have problems that are directly due to not being nurtured and raised in a healthy manner. We are not only overwhelmed, hurt, angry and fed up....we have injured and damaged hearts and souls. If you have not read the book " Stop Walking on Eggshells " , I recommend that you do that. It is very good at explaining ways to deal/talk with a BPD when you are in a chosen relationship. It is also helpful to us KOs, but more of the book is focused on those chosen relationships. I wish you success in your endeavor.....it is not an easy task that you are undertaking. Sylvia > My name is Dawn and I am a Non-BPD (39 years of age). Within the past > year I have become the caretaker of a N/BPD the mother of my DH of 4 > years. We have two kids, my son 3 and daughter 11 months. My SIL, my > DH's older sister, has cut off all contact with her mother, the BPD in > question and father who is a co-dependent facilitator. My dh and I are > in marriage counciling, my SIL is in group therapy. We pressured my > MIL and FIL into counciling with a therapist and thier minister. Both > therapist and minister have diagnosed my MIL with BPD. MIL also has > fibromyalgia, arthritis and depression. She is 65. She lives less than > 100 yards from my SIL and 20 minutes from us. My father-in-law has had > major health problems which has left my DH and I to care for my MIL > and FIL at our house on and off because we live near the hospital. > > I have come under a barrage of unexplainable behavior. I can not make > sense of all the things my BPD-MIL says, does and has done to my SIL > and DH in the past. I am overwhelmed, hurt, angry and fed up, but not > willing to give up. > > May I join this discussion group or do I have to have a mother who is > a BPD? I will understand if the answer is no. > > Dawn Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: http://www.BPDCentral.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2005 Report Share Posted October 3, 2005 Dawn, Perhaps your SIL and DH would like to join this group. They are fortunate to have your support and understanding. I know it is hard for people who have to experienced any of this to comprehend all that a KO has gone through. But, there are people, like you, who are open and caring enough to learn about this to help those they love. Sylvia > > My name is Dawn and I am a Non-BPD (39 years of age). Within the > past > > year I have become the caretaker of a N/BPD the mother of my DH of > 4 > > years. We have two kids, my son 3 and daughter 11 months. My SIL, > my > > DH's older sister, has cut off all contact with her mother, the BPD > in > > question and father who is a co-dependent facilitator. My dh and I > are > > in marriage counciling, my SIL is in group therapy. We pressured my > > MIL and FIL into counciling with a therapist and thier minister. > Both > > therapist and minister have diagnosed my MIL with BPD. MIL also has > > fibromyalgia, arthritis and depression. She is 65. She lives less > than > > 100 yards from my SIL and 20 minutes from us. My father-in-law has > had > > major health problems which has left my DH and I to care for my MIL > > and FIL at our house on and off because we live near the hospital. > > > > I have come under a barrage of unexplainable behavior. I can not > make > > sense of all the things my BPD-MIL says, does and has done to my > SIL > > and DH in the past. I am overwhelmed, hurt, angry and fed up, but > not > > willing to give up. > > > > May I join this discussion group or do I have to have a mother who > is > > a BPD? I will understand if the answer is no. > > > > Dawn > > > > > Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner > " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to: > http://www.BPDCentral.com > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2005 Report Share Posted November 8, 2005 Welcome, Sally Jean. Glad that you found us. This board is a true oasis for all of us who have had to deal with a parent with BPD. Looking forward to hearing more from you in the future. Take care, Sylvia > > Wow. As the adult daughter and primary caregiver - and target - of my > BPD (denied of course) mother, I am hearing my life in every one of > your lines. Thank you...Thank you...Thank you. I feel a bit of hope > for the first time in a long while...like maybe I've not been imagining > things, and maybe I'm not really the problem, after all...and maybe I > can even get the courage to stand again. > Thank you, more than I can say, > Sally Jean > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 Welcome to you and any other newcomers. Don't forget we have a photo album, and a files library. We also have a members database so we can pretend that we can keep everyone straight in our minds. Really, it maks things easier. By having the ability to look at other peoples stats, we can find other with similar situations, and hook up with them. Thanks for joining, Love, Bobby mod. Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile hello Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 Bobby, I just looked at the database and all I can do is cry. My heart breaks for all of us. I don't WANT to put my name on there. Seeing it written like that makes it all too real! I try to pretend as if the Hepatitis isn't eating me up alive even though I know it is and so many days I feel that another tomorrow is more than I can bear. At the same time I know that it is selfish and ungrateful to feel that way when so many are praying for JUST ONE MORE DAY. I'm sorry to unload on you. I thank you and everyone just for being here. May God have mercy on us all.~~~Debbie > > Welcome to you and any other newcomers. Don't forget we have a photo album, and a files library. We also have a members database so we can pretend that we can keep everyone straight in our minds. Really, it maks things easier. By having the ability to look at other peoples stats, we can find other with similar situations, and hook up with them. Thanks for joining, Love, Bobby mod. > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile > > hello > > > Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 I hear you. You do what you can. Mac put it there to help us keep eachother straight. This group is a lot better than the healing well hepatitis forums. There, it is far gloomier. The people are all sweet, and nice, but for some reason almost every necomer was a wife or daughter of a cirrhosis patient in sever encephalopathy, and all swelled up with fluid. I could not stay. I went in there on a weekly basis a couple of years ago, but it was as you say, too heart breaking. I'll stick with this group. Besides- with the entire world in an economic melt down, I kind of feel like every one has liver disease right now. I pray and do not feel alone at all. Love, Bobby Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile hello > > > Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 Debbie - I think what you are going through right now is very common. I had accepted my cirrhosis, and that I would eventually die, was first told 2 to 3 years 7 years ago. So, that just goes to prove that what the doctors tell you isn't always right, a lot depends on us. I also have coronary and peripheral artery disease with 7 stents in my body. About a year ago, I was told I needed a triple bypass. Oh, okay, I will have that and get it over with. But, the doctors decided I wasn't advancing fast enough and put me in a nursing home. It was a very bad experience, and set be back more than I had been when I got there. So, I started questioning how much more I was really prepared to undertake in order to keep as healthy as possible. I stated at that time that i would not have another major surgery. I had had pancreatitis the year before, and ended up having my gall bladder removed. Because of my state of general health, it took me longer to recover, and I was getting to the point of frustration by the time I started feeling better. Now, I am leading a rather full life, to the point that the diagnosis of the cause of the pain in my back and the new angiogram with a probable angioplasty with stent I have been told I need is being put off until after Easter. I have to play for all services between now and then because I am the only one who can do it right now. I really enjoy doing it, even did well enough to satisfy myself today. If you look at my health history, and what I have put here is just some of the problems, I should be depressed, isolating myself (in fact I was told not to go into crowds--shopping, church etc because of the increased chance of germs) but I really want to enjoy my life, and most of the time I do. I really feel that my life is in God's hands. We talk a lot about praying here, hope that won't offend you. If it does, just ignore that part. I know when I go to my Bible Studies and put people on the prayer lists, I want to cry too for the sheer numbers of us who so desperately need prayer. But right here, there is a lot of prayer for each other. And a lot of love. We are family. Welcome, but sorry you find yourself a member. Jan H > Bobby, I just looked at the database and all I can do is cry. My heart > breaks for all of us. I don't WANT to put my name on there. Seeing it > written like that makes it all too real! I try to pretend as if the > Hepatitis isn't eating me up alive even though I know it is and so many days > I feel that another tomorrow is more than I can bear. At the same time I > know that it is selfish and ungrateful to feel that way when so many are > praying for JUST ONE MORE DAY. I'm sorry to unload on you. I thank you and > everyone just for being here. May God have mercy on us all.~~~Debbie > > > > Welcome to you and any other newcomers. Don't forget we have a photo > album, and a files library. We also have a members database so we can > pretend that we can keep everyone straight in our minds. Really, it maks > things easier. By having the ability to look at other peoples stats, we can > find other with similar situations, and hook up with them. Thanks for > joining, Love, Bobby mod. > > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile > > > > hello > > > > > > Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get > information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Thank you Jan. I'm always leery of speaking of God as I don't want to offend anyone but HE is what holds me together. I just beg Him each day for any amount of inner peace that he might help me to have. I try to do the best I can and know that the day is not promised to ANYONE. This is a wonderful group of people here and I'm blessed to have found it. Best wishes to you in your struggles as well.~~~Debbie > > > > > > Welcome to you and any other newcomers. Don't forget we have a photo > > album, and a files library. We also have a members database so we can > > pretend that we can keep everyone straight in our minds. Really, it maks > > things easier. By having the ability to look at other peoples stats, we can > > find other with similar situations, and hook up with them. Thanks for > > joining, Love, Bobby mod. > > > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile > > > > > > hello > > > > > > > > > Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get > > information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Thanks Bobby. This is a great group! I've been in a few Hepatitis groups but the anger, hostility and mean spiritedness was too much for me. There was much information there and a lot of good people but was just not the place for me. I thank you and everyone here again for being here. I pray but probably the word BEG describes it better. I feel alone in the sense that it's hard for my family to understand though they are wonderful and loving and I guess really, I don't want them to fully understand what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. So, I continue to try to take one day at a time. Best wishes to you~~~Debbie > > > > Welcome to you and any other newcomers. Don't forget we have a photo album, and a files library. We also have a members database so we can pretend that we can keep everyone straight in our minds. Really, it maks things easier. By having the ability to look at other peoples stats, we can find other with similar situations, and hook up with them. Thanks for joining, Love, Bobby mod. > > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile > > > > hello > > > > > > Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 hi lady welcome to the group we are glad to have you. you didnt give to much info in your post so i am not sure how to respond except to say welcome and i will be praying for your father ,you and your family.much love barby > > Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Jan H--you are my hero. With everything going on with you, there is still a peace from God that you carry in your heart. You are amazing my lady! ________________________________ To: livercirrhosissupport Sent: Monday, March 23, 2009 6:22:38 AM Subject: Re: hello Thank you Jan. I'm always leery of speaking of God as I don't want to offend anyone but HE is what holds me together. I just beg Him each day for any amount of inner peace that he might help me to have. I try to do the best I can and know that the day is not promised to ANYONE. This is a wonderful group of people here and I'm blessed to have found it. Best wishes to you in your struggles as well.~~~Debbie- -- In livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com, Jan Holman <janholman@. ..> wrote: > > Debbie - I think what you are going through right now is very common. I had > accepted my cirrhosis, and that I would eventually die, was first told 2 to > 3 years 7 years ago. So, that just goes to prove that what the doctors tell > you isn't always right, a lot depends on us. I also have coronary and > peripheral artery disease with 7 stents in my body. About a year ago, I was > told I needed a triple bypass. Oh, okay, I will have that and get it over > with. But, the doctors decided I wasn't advancing fast enough and put me in > a nursing home. It was a very bad experience, and set be back more than I > had been when I got there. So, I started questioning how much more I was > really prepared to undertake in order to keep as healthy as possible. I > stated at that time that i would not have another major surgery. I had had > pancreatitis the year before, and ended up having my gall bladder removed. > Because of my state of general health, it took me longer to recover, and I > was getting to the point of frustration by the time I started feeling > better. > > Now, I am leading a rather full life, to the point that the diagnosis of the > cause of the pain in my back and the new angiogram with a probable > angioplasty with stent I have been told I need is being put off until after > Easter. I have to play for all services between now and then because I am > the only one who can do it right now. I really enjoy doing it, even did > well enough to satisfy myself today. If you look at my health history, and > what I have put here is just some of the problems, I should be depressed, > isolating myself (in fact I was told not to go into crowds--shopping, church > etc because of the increased chance of germs) but I really want to enjoy my > life, and most of the time I do. I really feel that my life is in God's > hands. We talk a lot about praying here, hope that won't offend you. If it > does, just ignore that part. I know when I go to my Bible Studies and put > people on the prayer lists, I want to cry too for the sheer numbers of us > who so desperately need prayer. But right here, there is a lot of prayer > for each other. And a lot of love. We are family. Welcome, but sorry you > find yourself a member. Jan H > > On Sun, Mar 22, 2009 at 5:34 PM, drgonflyblue <pita54me@.. .> wrote: > > > Bobby, I just looked at the database and all I can do is cry. My heart > > breaks for all of us. I don't WANT to put my name on there. Seeing it > > written like that makes it all too real! I try to pretend as if the > > Hepatitis isn't eating me up alive even though I know it is and so many days > > I feel that another tomorrow is more than I can bear. At the same time I > > know that it is selfish and ungrateful to feel that way when so many are > > praying for JUST ONE MORE DAY. I'm sorry to unload on you. I thank you and > > everyone just for being here. May God have mercy on us all.~~~Debbie- -- In > > livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com<livercirrhosissupp ort%40yahoogroup s.com>, > > robwalkingeagle@ wrote: > > > > > > Welcome to you and any other newcomers. Don't forget we have a photo > > album, and a files library. We also have a members database so we can > > pretend that we can keep everyone straight in our minds. Really, it maks > > things easier. By having the ability to look at other peoples stats, we can > > find other with similar situations, and hook up with them. Thanks for > > joining, Love, Bobby mod. > > > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile > > > > > > hello > > > > > > > > > Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get > > information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Phyllis - thanks, but I have to say it bothers me when people say things like this. If I appear amazing, it is not me who is amazing, but God who is with me always. I feel so much better emotionally, and probably physically than I used to when I was far healthier because I know I am not alone. To God be the praise and the thanks. Jan H On Mon, Mar 23, 2009 at 10:04 AM, Phyllis Delgado wrote: > Jan H--you are my hero. With everything going on with you, there is > still a peace from God that you carry in your heart. You are amazing my > lady! > > ________________________________ > From: drgonflyblue <pita54me@... <pita54me%40yahoo.com>> > To: livercirrhosissupport <livercirrhosissupport%40yahoogroups.com> > Sent: Monday, March 23, 2009 6:22:38 AM > Subject: Re: hello > > Thank you Jan. I'm always leery of speaking of God as I don't want to > offend anyone but HE is what holds me together. I just beg Him each day for > any amount of inner peace that he might help me to have. I try to do the > best I can and know that the day is not promised to ANYONE. This is a > wonderful group of people here and I'm blessed to have found it. Best wishes > to you in your struggles as well.~~~Debbie- -- In livercirrhosissuppo > rtyahoogroups (DOT) com, Jan Holman <janholman@. ..> wrote: > > > > Debbie - I think what you are going through right now is very common. I > had > > accepted my cirrhosis, and that I would eventually die, was first told 2 > to > > 3 years 7 years ago. So, that just goes to prove that what the doctors > tell > > you isn't always right, a lot depends on us. I also have coronary and > > peripheral artery disease with 7 stents in my body. About a year ago, I > was > > told I needed a triple bypass. Oh, okay, I will have that and get it over > > with. But, the doctors decided I wasn't advancing fast enough and put me > in > > a nursing home. It was a very bad experience, and set be back more than I > > had been when I got there. So, I started questioning how much more I was > > really prepared to undertake in order to keep as healthy as possible. I > > stated at that time that i would not have another major surgery. I had > had > > pancreatitis the year before, and ended up having my gall bladder > removed. > > Because of my state of general health, it took me longer to recover, and > I > > was getting to the point of frustration by the time I started feeling > > better. > > > > Now, I am leading a rather full life, to the point that the diagnosis of > the > > cause of the pain in my back and the new angiogram with a probable > > angioplasty with stent I have been told I need is being put off until > after > > Easter. I have to play for all services between now and then because I am > > the only one who can do it right now. I really enjoy doing it, even did > > well enough to satisfy myself today. If you look at my health history, > and > > what I have put here is just some of the problems, I should be depressed, > > isolating myself (in fact I was told not to go into crowds--shopping, > church > > etc because of the increased chance of germs) but I really want to enjoy > my > > life, and most of the time I do. I really feel that my life is in God's > > hands. We talk a lot about praying here, hope that won't offend you. If > it > > does, just ignore that part. I know when I go to my Bible Studies and put > > people on the prayer lists, I want to cry too for the sheer numbers of us > > who so desperately need prayer. But right here, there is a lot of prayer > > for each other. And a lot of love. We are family. Welcome, but sorry you > > find yourself a member. Jan H > > > > On Sun, Mar 22, 2009 at 5:34 PM, drgonflyblue <pita54me@.. .> wrote: > > > > > Bobby, I just looked at the database and all I can do is cry. My heart > > > breaks for all of us. I don't WANT to put my name on there. Seeing it > > > written like that makes it all too real! I try to pretend as if the > > > Hepatitis isn't eating me up alive even though I know it is and so many > days > > > I feel that another tomorrow is more than I can bear. At the same time > I > > > know that it is selfish and ungrateful to feel that way when so many > are > > > praying for JUST ONE MORE DAY. I'm sorry to unload on you. I thank you > and > > > everyone just for being here. May God have mercy on us all.~~~Debbie- > -- In > > > livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com<livercirrhosissupp > ort%40yahoogroup s.com>, > > > robwalkingeagle@ wrote: > > > > > > > > Welcome to you and any other newcomers. Don't forget we have a photo > > > album, and a files library. We also have a members database so we can > > > pretend that we can keep everyone straight in our minds. Really, it > maks > > > things easier. By having the ability to look at other peoples stats, we > can > > > find other with similar situations, and hook up with them. Thanks for > > > joining, Love, Bobby mod. > > > > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile > > > > > > > > hello > > > > > > > > > > > > Hello, I'm new to this group. I haved joined to learn and get > > > information, ect. My father ,late 60's, is our patient. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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