Re: Insensitive Man in my House

[Guest guest]

Steph:

My husband is a bigger man and needs surgery too. He's the EXACT same way.

We fight all the time over me not cooking dinner " his way " meaning fried and

full ofjunk!!!! He tries to get me to eat things too. Very annoying!!!

Hang in there!!

[Guest guest]

Sometimes that happens after surgery. People realize they married for

all the wrong reasons (Like food) and after they get different

priorities going on in their life they move on. The woman that used to

run my one real life support group had that happen. Both she and her

husband had gastric bypass to fix their obesity. As she got smaller she

decided she was going out and having a life. She even went sky diving

because that was one of the things she always wanted to do. Meanwhile

the hubbie was still content on being a couch potato and didn't want to

join in on anything. No hiking, no biking, nothing. Through the

support group she met someone else who wanted to go do stuff with her-

and bingo- now they are together. Every relationship has it's

struggles. It takes work to make it stay together. But both parties

have to work and meet in the middle. It should not be a one sided

effort. It's when it is all one sided that things tend to fall apart.

I am not avocating you leave him in the dust. Just telling you someone

else's story.

By the way I just ate a waffle. The new low fat ones actually have some

protein in them. Wouldn't dare have a real traditional one. Just have

to check lables.

wrote:

>

> OK...I'm so angry right now I'm ready to scream. And I'm probably

> over reacting to this situation, but I could still scream.

>

> My husband, who is a big guy and should have the surgery but won't

> consider it, is in the kitchen making breakfast. I just stay clear

> of there when he's at it, cause it just gets me angry. Anyway, I'm

> here online and he comes over and asks if I want pancakes? I

> politely say no and he says, well do you want waffles? I just looked

> at him and asked him how crazy he really was and why is it that he

> can't accept, after 7 months, that I don't eat like that anymore.

> Food is not important to me. So he gets angry at me, mind you, and

> says, I was just trying to be nice and ask you if you wanted any.

>

> I feel like he is always trying to sabotage this for me. As I'm

> getting smaller, he's getting bigger and the tension between us is

> growing. I can't believe that the final straw in whether my marriage

> survives or not is going to come down to food issues.

>

> OK...I feel better now. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

>

> Hugs,

> Steph

[Guest guest]

LOL

My dad does that with Kentucky Fried Chicken every once in a while. If

I ate something fried in grease I would end up throwing up for over 4

hours. It's not the food that just comes up and then I am done, it

keeps rinsing my pouch with fluids trying to get the greasy coating off

itself too. Or that is what I think happens. After the food is gone I

keep throwing up fluids for the remaining 3 and 1/2 hours or more.

Nobody has ever sat with me when I get sick. I hide in my bedroom or in

bathroom or it's happened when I am alone. So perhaps they just don't

understand how awful it really is because they have not bore witness to

the event.

Still, dear old dad hasn't learned that his insistance of KFC or

something equally evil will turn me into HELL DAUGHTER. My skin on my

face splits down the middle exposing my innards of my head, bolts of

lightening shoot from my eye sockets, nostrils and mouth, my voice turns

deep and demonic and I scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at the top of

my lungs as my head swivels in 360 degree circles. This causes little

animals to run in fear through out the country side. I think items in

the vicinity spontaniously combust to drive the point home. My nephew

sort of stands back and shakes his head- and wonders why he can be so

stupid and dare ask. In my opinion- if they cared they wouldn't ask if

we wanted forbidden foods. They would ask- what can I make you for

breakfast? Like can they make you a protein shake in the blender? Can

they soft poach you an egg using low calorie Pam cooking spray? Can

they mix you some cottage cheese with some cinnimon added in? There are

other options they can do that you can tolerate without barfing your

insides out for hours after one bite. A little sensitivity here is the

key. If he wants to do something nice- tell him WHAT you want instead.

When all else fails- I think a good smack along side the head might be

needed. lol

softswtwhisper@... wrote:

> Steph:

>

> My husband is a bigger man and needs surgery too. He's the EXACT same way.

> We fight all the time over me not cooking dinner " his way " meaning fried

> and

> full ofjunk!!!! He tries to get me to eat things too. Very annoying!!!

>

> Hang in there!!

[Guest guest]

Sorry Steph!!! It is hard enough for us to make right food choices,

with out the old favorites being waved in our faces!!

Maybe next time you can just smile sweetly and say no thank you.....

But if you like i will take and egg or some cottage cheese. It might

help defuse the situation.

Hang in there!!!

Big huge hugs to you!!!

O.

>

> OK...I'm so angry right now I'm ready to scream. And I'm probably

> over reacting to this situation, but I could still scream.

>

> My husband, who is a big guy and should have the surgery but won't

> consider it, is in the kitchen making breakfast. I just stay clear

> of there when he's at it, cause it just gets me angry. Anyway, I'm

> here online and he comes over and asks if I want pancakes? I

> politely say no and he says, well do you want waffles? I just

looked

> at him and asked him how crazy he really was and why is it that he

> can't accept, after 7 months, that I don't eat like that anymore.

> Food is not important to me. So he gets angry at me, mind you, and

> says, I was just trying to be nice and ask you if you wanted any.

>

> I feel like he is always trying to sabotage this for me. As I'm

> getting smaller, he's getting bigger and the tension between us is

> growing. I can't believe that the final straw in whether my

marriage

> survives or not is going to come down to food issues.

>

> OK...I feel better now. I just needed to vent. Thanks for

listening.

>

> Hugs,

> Steph

[Guest guest]

Steph

Woooooo...today must be man day!

I say talk to your husband once you cool down and ask him what's going

on inside of his head. Unfortunately if you all were having issues

before you had surgery....this might only magnify them and make some

of them worse.

And sometimes...food IS the straw that breaks a relationship's back.

Not just marriages but other relationships as well.

See if you can talk to him about what's going on. Is he considering

WLS somewhere down the road? Ask him if he's worried that you're

going to leave him " when you get skinny " . That is one of the things I

hear repeated often in my real time group. From both men and women.

Good luck sweetness...I hope things work out the way they are supposed to.

>

> OK...I'm so angry right now I'm ready to scream. And I'm probably

> over reacting to this situation, but I could still scream.

>

> My husband, who is a big guy and should have the surgery but won't

> consider it, is in the kitchen making breakfast. I just stay clear

> of there when he's at it, cause it just gets me angry. Anyway, I'm

> here online and he comes over and asks if I want pancakes? I

> politely say no and he says, well do you want waffles? I just looked

> at him and asked him how crazy he really was and why is it that he

> can't accept, after 7 months, that I don't eat like that anymore.

> Food is not important to me. So he gets angry at me, mind you, and

> says, I was just trying to be nice and ask you if you wanted any.

>

> I feel like he is always trying to sabotage this for me. As I'm

> getting smaller, he's getting bigger and the tension between us is

> growing. I can't believe that the final straw in whether my marriage

> survives or not is going to come down to food issues.

>

> OK...I feel better now. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

>

> Hugs,

> Steph

[Guest guest]

Exactly, if a meal does not consist of meat & potatoes or something

fried then to him it's not a meal. I know I can't make the light go

off in his head about eating right, but it does get me upset. Guess

I'm just going to concentrate on myself and keep saying no thanks.

Steph

> Steph:

>

> My husband is a bigger man and needs surgery too. He's the EXACT

same way.

> We fight all the time over me not cooking dinner " his way " meaning

fried and

> full ofjunk!!!! He tries to get me to eat things too. Very

annoying!!!

>

> Hang in there!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mine called me a " health nut " today. Because I'm trying to teach my daughter

to eat better. She is not overweight but she has a little extra and I know

the potential is there. Misery loves company as they say........but I refuse to

let him use my children just to satisfy his need.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Take a lot at this - you might be able to relate, especially items 5 and

7.

http://www.thinnerself.com/relationships.html

Carol

Insensitive Man in my House

OK...I'm so angry right now I'm ready to scream. And I'm probably

over reacting to this situation, but I could still scream.

My husband, who is a big guy and should have the surgery but won't

consider it, is in the kitchen making breakfast. I just stay clear

of there when he's at it, cause it just gets me angry. Anyway, I'm

here online and he comes over and asks if I want pancakes? I

politely say no and he says, well do you want waffles? I just looked

at him and asked him how crazy he really was and why is it that he

can't accept, after 7 months, that I don't eat like that anymore.

Food is not important to me. So he gets angry at me, mind you, and

says, I was just trying to be nice and ask you if you wanted any.

I feel like he is always trying to sabotage this for me. As I'm

getting smaller, he's getting bigger and the tension between us is

growing. I can't believe that the final straw in whether my marriage

survives or not is going to come down to food issues.

OK...I feel better now. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

Hugs,

Steph

To visit your group on the web, go to:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GastricBypass-LOSERS/

[Guest guest]

Steph? Have you told him you feel this way? It does sound like a

nice gesture..your man in the kitchen offering to make you

breakfast...and as you say he is a big man so food is still an issue

for him..he is hopefully just trying to be nice. But if you have had

this conversation with him in the past...I mean the sit down, " we

need to talk about how it makes me feel when you offer me such

unhealthy choices " than one has to wonder if he is

directly/indirectly trying to make it hard on you.

I have found in the past, the best way to get someone to understand

how you are feeling is to do it when you are not angry and are in no

way offensive or accusitory to them...or give them the benefit of

doubt. It does sound like he doesn't get it about the new diet.

Maybe he misses the time you both spent together eating before? I

don't know..I dont know your marriage but I could see many reasons a

man would try and offer their spouse food (even after surgery) that

ISN'T because they are trying to sabatoge the success. But if he is,

than he must be very insecure in the relationship and possibly

scared by his rise in weight while you are becoming a butterfly.

Whatever the case...I hope the issue gets resolved. It is no way to

live to have someone trying to feed you junk when you have worked so

hard to succeed. If he is doing it on purpose I wouldn't put up with

that crap either LOL

My fiance (who prefers big woman to thin women) has said on a few

occasions that he is going to put 10#s back on me by feeding me (he

is a fantastic cook who is trying to learn to cook my new diet so we

can eat healthier). He knows that if I do not want more weight on me

than him trying to feed me isn't going to do any good. He said to me

once...

" ok Ive made a decision. "

Me: Oh really? And what is YOUR decision.

Him: You can't go smaller than an 8 (at the time I was a 10).

Me: And if I become a 2? Are you going to leave me?

his reply..well no. I will never leave you ..I love you..Ive tried

living without you and there was always a hole in my heart. I can't

live that way anymore.

my reply...*LAUGHING AT HIM LOUDLY* than shut up then!!! Why are we

even having this conversation? I will be whatever Im going to be to

be healthy..but honey I dont want to be smaller than an 8 anyway.

He shut up and just looked at me. lol

Now its become a joke between us but he is definately making the

effort to feed me..but now the types of food that I can eat and not

get sick on!

Good luck girlfriend. I know its frustrating.

Kat

[Guest guest]

Steph,

There could be a good chance he is trying to sabotage you. In anyway he is

being very insensitive.

My dh has a hard time dealing with the factthat I am losing weight and have

to eat differently. I think he is finally accepting I just CAN'T eat the way

I did before. And he is helping me now by telling me to slow down when I eat

(although I think part of that is a control thing too)

My dh isn't close to needing the surgery but he HAS gained about 20 or 30

pounds in the last year. He is military so he can't get too awful big.

His downfall is beer. And I get upset at him for how much he drinks. It

might just be I am more aware of that as well since I can't drink with him.

I mean I drink a half a beer and I am done for the day. He drank about 6 or

7 yesterday.

He also falls asleep every night after we eat!! THAT drives me crazy. He

complains about his weight but drinks beer and sleeps instead of jumping on

the Eliptical and working out for 20 mins when he gets home.....am I holier

than thou? I sure feel that way.

Bobbi

>

> I feel like he is always trying to sabotage this for me. As I'm

> getting smaller, he's getting bigger and the tension between us is

> growing. I can't believe that the final straw in whether my marriage

> survives or not is going to come down to food issues.

>

> OK...I feel better now. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

>

> Hugs,

> Steph

>

>

>

>

>

>

> To visit your group on the web, go to:

> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GastricBypass-LOSERS/

>

>

[Guest guest]

OMG grease...PUKE!!! LOL that hits me harder than sugar!!

Bobbi

Re: Insensitive Man in my House

>

> LOL

>

> My dad does that with Kentucky Fried Chicken every once in a while. If

> I ate something fried in grease I would end up throwing up for over 4

> hours. It's not the food that just comes up and then I am done, it

> keeps rinsing my pouch with fluids trying to get the greasy coating off

> itself too. Or that is what I think happens. After the food is gone I

> keep throwing up fluids for the remaining 3 and 1/2 hours or more.

> Nobody has ever sat with me when I get sick. I hide in my bedroom or in

> bathroom or it's happened when I am alone. So perhaps they just don't

> understand how awful it really is because they have not bore witness to

> the event.

>

> Still, dear old dad hasn't learned that his insistance of KFC or

> something equally evil will turn me into HELL DAUGHTER. My skin on my

> face splits down the middle exposing my innards of my head, bolts of

> lightening shoot from my eye sockets, nostrils and mouth, my voice turns

> deep and demonic and I scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at the top of

> my lungs as my head swivels in 360 degree circles. This causes little

> animals to run in fear through out the country side. I think items in

> the vicinity spontaniously combust to drive the point home. My nephew

> sort of stands back and shakes his head- and wonders why he can be so

> stupid and dare ask. In my opinion- if they cared they wouldn't ask if

> we wanted forbidden foods. They would ask- what can I make you for

> breakfast? Like can they make you a protein shake in the blender? Can

> they soft poach you an egg using low calorie Pam cooking spray? Can

> they mix you some cottage cheese with some cinnimon added in? There are

> other options they can do that you can tolerate without barfing your

> insides out for hours after one bite. A little sensitivity here is the

> key. If he wants to do something nice- tell him WHAT you want instead.

>

> When all else fails- I think a good smack along side the head might be

> needed. lol

>

>

>

> softswtwhisper@... wrote:

>> Steph:

>>

>> My husband is a bigger man and needs surgery too. He's the EXACT same

>> way.

>> We fight all the time over me not cooking dinner " his way " meaning fried

>> and

>> full ofjunk!!!! He tries to get me to eat things too. Very annoying!!!

>>

>> Hang in there!!

>

>

>

>

> To visit your group on the web, go to:

> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GastricBypass-LOSERS/

>

>