Aspires Membership

[Guest guest]

My sincere apologies. I did not mean this to go to the list. It is 4AM I have been studding for tests in school all day and night and am burnt all.

Years ago we use to post the intro post as a means of welcoming you to our group and to allow members to understand 'why' you are seeking support and who you are.

I totally apologize for this. I FF all inquires to our moderator just for backup in case my computer goes down. If something goes side ways we can pull the original request for membership.

AS like anything wears different masks as we are all unique. I am back in school to become a counselor and was doing some volunteer work today and ran into a woman that worked as an addiction counselor for 4 years. We had common ground. I can't remember WHY in our conversation I said I had a son and ex-spouse with AS, but she said she had a brother and nephew with AS. We now have a connection.

She said her brother had a meltdown 2 years ago and is in prison where he should be and maybe he will get the help he needs? I asked about her nephew and she said she has not seen him since her brother was incarcerated but hoped he would have a chance in life with her brother out of the picture. I past no judgment. She loves her brother but thinks he needs help and he has a different perspective.

Many with AS as you will find on this list, live wonderful lives, some do not. Why? IT is the million dollar question.

Once again I apologized for my blunder and welcome you to ASPIRES! I hope you find what you are looking for.

Best.

[Guest guest]

>

> Many with AS as you will find on this list, live wonderful lives, some do not.

Why? IT is the million dollar question.

and, also wrote:

> PS: Today I met as four year old who was a kick in the pants. I was working

the face paintimng booth for a charity event and she was light years ahead of

her age. She was with her Aunt who said she was socially advanced, she was like

a serious little professor but was really funny as well,. I noticed her Aunt

was teaching and reinfoercing social cues. Tell this, be rspectful which

she was naturally. She was so cute. But there was that reinforcement and I

think a cultural thing as they were Asian.

, I think your PS post answered the above question. Much of the difference

is in the parenting.

Good parents of an AS kid parent in the way that specific kid needs. If the

parents see a weakness in social etiquette, they teach that. If they see overly

rigid thinking, they work on flexibility. Knowing and understanding AS is a big

help, but not strictly necessary.

On the other hand, parents who have expectations of what their kids need, follow

strict (and non-individualized) rules for child-rearing, who hold their kids up

to a mythical " norm " , and make judgements about how their kids measure up will

raise kids who have problems later in life.

I am thinking of two people I know on the Spectrum who fall into the second

group. One is a woman in her 30s, with fairly severe AS. From the day she was

born, her mom thought of her as " the damaged kid " , and Mom did as little

parenting as possible. Her brother, however, was the Golden Boy. Merry

Christmas, kids. Son, you got every toy on your list, plus a few more. Daughter,

I bought you a hairbrush at the dollar store. " Despite this, my friend is a good

person and doing fairly well, though she is very, very insecure and has problems

holding a job.

Another case is that of a boy I last saw when he was about 12. When he was born

(to older, career-intense parents), they had plans for him to learn many

languages and enter the diplomatic corps. As he grew, he wasn't fitting their

mold. When they were first told their son was autistic, they went into extreme

denial, hiring tutors and ignoring reality. Later, when they had no choice but

to accept that their son would never be a diplomat, they all but

institutionalized him.

I really think that kids who are loved and accepted as they present themselves,

and given they (individualized) skills they will need to become responsible,

productive adults, will do well.

--Liz

[Guest guest]

Liz,These stories are so sad. I agree with you that parents who accept their children as they are and still try to teach them and nurture them, make a huge difference. I think NT kids turn out better under these conditions, too.To: aspires-relationships Sent: Sun, July 18,

2010 11:05:29 AMSubject: Re: Aspires Membership

>

> Many with AS as you will find on this list, live wonderful lives, some do not. Why? IT is the million dollar question.

and, also wrote:

> PS: Today I met as four year old who was a kick in the pants. I was working the face paintimng booth for a charity event and she was light years ahead of her age. She was with her Aunt who said she was socially advanced, she was like a serious little professor but was really funny as well,. I noticed her Aunt was teaching and reinfoercing social cues. Tell this, be rspectful which she was naturally. She was so cute. But there was that reinforcement and I think a cultural thing as they were Asian.

, I think your PS post answered the above question. Much of the difference is in the parenting.

Good parents of an AS kid parent in the way that specific kid needs. If the parents see a weakness in social etiquette, they teach that. If they see overly rigid thinking, they work on flexibility. Knowing and understanding AS is a big help, but not strictly necessary.

On the other hand, parents who have expectations of what their kids need, follow strict (and non-individualized) rules for child-rearing, who hold their kids up to a mythical "norm", and make judgements about how their kids measure up will raise kids who have problems later in life.

I am thinking of two people I know on the Spectrum who fall into the second group. One is a woman in her 30s, with fairly severe AS. From the day she was born, her mom thought of her as "the damaged kid", and Mom did as little parenting as possible. Her brother, however, was the Golden Boy. Merry Christmas, kids. Son, you got every toy on your list, plus a few more. Daughter, I bought you a hairbrush at the dollar store." Despite this, my friend is a good person and doing fairly well, though she is very, very insecure and has problems holding a job.

Another case is that of a boy I last saw when he was about 12. When he was born (to older, career-intense parents), they had plans for him to learn many languages and enter the diplomatic corps. As he grew, he wasn't fitting their mold. When they were first told their son was autistic, they went into extreme denial, hiring tutors and ignoring reality. Later, when they had no choice but to accept that their son would never be a diplomat, they all but institutionalized him.

I really think that kids who are loved and accepted as they present themselves, and given they (individualized) skills they will need to become responsible, productive adults, will do well.

--Liz