acceptance; my list

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone,

I haven't posted in a few weeks as I was so busy and

having so much fun that, since I am NC with NADA, I

didn't even think about BPD. Incredible!!

Then, " out of the blue " I got depressed--I think

because I was reading " I hate You, Don't Leave Me " by

Dr Gerald Kreisman. He mentioned that with BPs, the

saying " out of sight, out of mind " really applies. It

is as if the BP thinks you don't exist if she isn't in

contact with you. Okay, all these feelings of not

counting for anything with my NADA(and the rest of

humanity) came up. My immediate reason for going NC

was that she refused to help me out financially when I

needed help this Spring. I guess the underlying wish

in the letters I wrote her that led up to NC was that

I wanted her to, in some way, show that I was

important to her. She has lots of money so such

financial support would not have impacted her at all.

Even though I have realized over the years that I am

important to her only when she needs me, I guess I

still need to do some more work accepting that I

actually do not count with her and accepting that not

counting is okay--I get peace and serenity, with no

interference on running my own life, by being out of

her " radar " .

She has been married to a nice man for two years so I

know I am currently " disposable " , in her view. I have

to work on seeing this as a plus for my life and not a

minus.

Anyway, I have read all your lists of NADA sayings and

thought they were great. So I did my own list this

morning and realized how strong the nascissistic

component of my NADA's disease is and how incapable

she is of looking at herself and taking responsibility

for her words and actions; also her constant blame of

me. Here are some of her favorite sayings:

1. Suffer

2. Everybody suffers.

3. I have never gotten most of what I wanted in life,

so why should you get what you want?

4. Just live with it! ( said with regard to my

allergies and chemical sensitivities )

5. You mustn't feel that way.

6. How could you do this to me?

7. I never get angry!

8. I always behave perfectly. If you think otherwise,

you must be mentally ill!

Just doing this list has made me feel better about

being NC!

Hugs to you all.

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