Guest guest Posted September 14, 2005 Report Share Posted September 14, 2005 Hi everyone, I found about this list from the big Welcome to Oz list, and it looks like what I'm looking for. I believe my mother may have BPD though I've long thought she had NPD...there's definitely a PD there. It has profoundly affected my childhood and adult life as I'm an only child and she raised me as a single mother. She is very alone now, kind of the " hermit " / " waif " BPD style, and except for her sister (my aunt) who also has emotional illness also, she has no one in life except me to count on. My aunt is a spinster, never married no kids and sees me as a pseudo-daughter as well. As both of them age, I am scared for my future being the only caretaker for both of them. Cutting them off would be an emotionally bloody business too, and I'm not sure I could live with myself. There's much more to say, but for now I'll just put a question out there. I'm really struggling with accepting how " limited " as my therapist liked to put it she really is. After a hurtful event, I'll slowly forget again and eventually reveal something I shouldn't or look to her for comfort and then WHAM kicked in the gut again. Oh yeah, forgot, my mother has no empathy and I don't matter worth a damn to her besides how I make her feel. I'm not sure why I can't learn, but I know I need to because if I could just fully accept things as they are I'd avoid a lot of pain. Any advice for me? sunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 14, 2005 Report Share Posted September 14, 2005 Hi Sunny I am responding to your message, not as someone who can tell you all the answers but to hopefully share/ gain understanding from each other in order to gain insight that we might not otherwise get alone. I too am new to this site and have a mother who is undiagnosed but who therapists of mine over the years presume (cautiously) is a borderline with some narcissistic tendencies. She too is a hermit/victim/waif who becomes narcissitic, vicious and verbally abusive when " crossed " or not one hundred percent agreed with/supported/whatever. I don't know how old you are or how long you've been suffering the effects of having to Deal with your mum's behaviour... But I am 42 and know how hard it is to try and keep helping someone when you don't really know how and they won't help themselves. Soul destroying. I'm sure you love your mother very much and feel great pain at her pain and isolation. Me too. I've gone from confusion to anger to codependent rescuing to aloof advice to long periods of separation. Have you? Perhaps through this site we can gain some clarity and peace of mind, while also trying to create boundaries for ourselves regardless of the @#$% storm that might be thrown back at us for doing so. I've been starting to create stronger boundaries around what I can and cannot take part in/ listen to etc. To a true borderline this is almost impossible because they can attempt to create boundaries but totally ignore your requests for boundaries!!!!! Do you find this? Also, is your mum willing to go get help? Mine is not and although I would never " diagnose her " to her, I have often suggested we go together to get councelling so " I can learn how best to help her and her depressions etc " This attempt usually ends up in me being crucified and weeks/months of silence on her part.....Hope to keep in touch and hope this message gives you strength of the shared experience. Tanbuzzca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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