Re: Re: Question - Poem

[Guest guest]

I first read " Welcome to Holland " many years ago, when I first turned to the

internet trying to figure out why " Ocelot " was so challenging. I never liked it

much ... some kids *are* more difficult to rear, not " equally nice, but

different " .

[For those who don't know the essay, the summary is that giving birth to a

disabled child is like planning a grand trip to Italy but ending up in Holland

-- disappointing because it was not what you wanted, but equally nice, once you

get used to the change.]

In response, I wrote an essay of my own, that I think applies to many Aspie

kids, and all " twice exceptional " (academically gifted and a

disability/difference). I'll include it below. Please don't copy it without my

permission.

--Liz

Austria, Not Holland

Many of us have heard the " Welcome to Holland " parable -- about how raising an

unusual child is like planning a trip to Italy and finding yourself in Holland

instead. As the story goes, at first you are upset that you are not in the land

of your dreams, but as you spend time in Holland, you realize it is just as

nice.

I never much liked this story, and in the case of our gifted and quirky or twice

exceptional kids, I don't think it's true. For our kids, it's more like we

expected them to go to Italy on the Concorde, and to stay in 5 star hotels in

the finest cities, and be driven around in limos. You paid big bucks for a

private Italian tutor, and even thought about opera training.

However something happened to the plane, and your child has ended up penniless

in Austria. There's nothing wrong with Austria, it's a great place. But you

wanted them to go to Italy, in style, and they're not there. That's your

problem, not theirs. They can still get to Italy -- but they have to first learn

German, work for meals, and hike over the Alps. They can do it, if they want to.

But they may not want to go to Italy. They may like Austria better. They might

decide to head north, or east, or to Holland ... they may even join the Peace

Corps and go to Darfur (where the severely disabled live, for their life is not

like Holland, not at all).

And if they do end up in Italy, it won't be the grand opera and chauffeured

limousines -- they'll be the rebels on scooters, making rude faces at the

pampered ultra-rich, and having a blast.

Our kids, quirky / 2E as they might be, possess the tools they need for making

their way in the world. They will become productive, if odd, adults. Our job as

parents is to make sure they have the resiliency to make the best of whatever

country they land in.

[Guest guest]

I like your essay Liz.

When I was in 5th grade, I had a best friend named

Stacey. We went to school together and were in the Girl Scouts. Her mother and

my mother were our troop leaders. Stacey had a little sister named Hannah who

was oxygen-deprived at birth and was severely handicapped. So much so that she

was more or less in a vegetative state her entire life. She never learned to

speak, to walk, to use the bathroom on her own or to dress herself. She

responded to people in the most basic of ways with eye movement and sometimes

small sounds. Hannah died when she was 10. Stacey and I were in 8th

grade.

I never remember Stacey’s mother complaining about having

an imperfect child. I never remember her complaining about the 24-hour care and

supervision Hannah required. I never remember her complaining about anything

really. What I do remember is how she referred to Hannah as her “Angel”.

How Stacey would sit for hours and play with her and entertain her. Even though

she could only respond by moving her eyes, it never seemed to matter. The only

words I ever heard that family use to describe her were words like “blessing”,

“precious” and “perfect”.

So, when my son was diagnosed with AS and I started to feel that

slight twinge of self-pity and sadness… I thought of Stacey and her

family. So what if he never spontaneously hugs me and tells me he loves me!

Images of Stacey and her mother lovingly dressing Hannah and brushing her hair

and putting on a puppet shows for her entered my mind. She never hugged them.

She was never able to tell them she loved them. But they knew she did. And that

was good enough for them.

Our kids are not imperfect because as far as I’m

concerned, God doesn’t make mistakes. I think that it is a great honor to

be gifted with a child with special needs. God has placed a lot of trust in

you. He wouldn’t give his most special creations to someone he didn’t

trust to take care of them. I consider it a privilege to have an “imperfect”

kid and can only hope that I raise him the way God wants me to. That’s

just how I feel about it anyway. My $.02 for what its worth.

From: aspires-relationships

[mailto:aspires-relationships ] On Behalf Of Liz Cademy

Sent: Tuesday, June 15, 2010 7:49 AM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Re: Re: Question - Poem

I first read " Welcome to Holland " many years ago, when I first

turned to the internet trying to figure out why " Ocelot " was so

challenging. I never liked it much ... some kids *are* more difficult to rear,

not " equally nice, but different " .

[For those who don't know the essay, the summary is that giving birth to a

disabled child is like planning a grand trip to Italy but ending up in Holland

-- disappointing because it was not what you wanted, but equally nice, once you

get used to the change.]

In response, I wrote an essay of my own, that I think applies to many Aspie

kids, and all " twice exceptional " (academically gifted and a

disability/difference). I'll include it below. Please don't copy it without my

permission.

--Liz

Austria, Not Holland

Many of us have heard the " Welcome to Holland " parable -- about how

raising an unusual child is like planning a trip to Italy and finding yourself

in Holland instead. As the story goes, at first you are upset that you are not

in the land of your dreams, but as you spend time in Holland, you realize it is

just as nice.

I never much liked this story, and in the case of our gifted and quirky or

twice exceptional kids, I don't think it's true. For our kids, it's more like

we expected them to go to Italy on the Concorde, and to stay in 5 star hotels

in the finest cities, and be driven around in limos. You paid big bucks for a

private Italian tutor, and even thought about opera training.

However something happened to the plane, and your child has ended up penniless

in Austria. There's nothing wrong with Austria, it's a great place. But you

wanted them to go to Italy, in style, and they're not there. That's your

problem, not theirs. They can still get to Italy -- but they have to first

learn German, work for meals, and hike over the Alps. They can do it, if they

want to.

But they may not want to go to Italy. They may like Austria better. They might

decide to head north, or east, or to Holland ... they may even join the Peace

Corps and go to Darfur (where the severely disabled live, for their life is not

like Holland, not at all).

And if they do end up in Italy, it won't be the grand opera and chauffeured

limousines -- they'll be the rebels on scooters, making rude faces at the

pampered ultra-rich, and having a blast.

Our kids, quirky / 2E as they might be, possess the tools they need for making

their way in the world. They will become productive, if odd, adults. Our job as

parents is to make sure they have the resiliency to make the best of whatever

country they land in.

[Guest guest]

Merra, no problem ! I hope you get some well deserved rest soon.

hugs

Lowry

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Tue, June 15, 2010 5:57:09 AMSubject: Re: Question - Poem

,Thank you for finding the poem for . It is a beautiful poem & helped me a lot when I first read it. I hope it helps you, too, . Sorry for being slow replying - am rather sleep-deprived at present. Thanks.Take care,Merra> > > > To: aspires-relationships > > Sent: Mon, June 14, 2010 2:54:22 PM> > Subject: Re: Re: Question> > > > the poem Welcome to Holland was actually written by the parent of a > > > Down's syndrome child, but applies to all non-NT (or even medical) > > > deviations from the picturebook version of having a kid.> > > href="http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html" target=_blank > > >http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html> > > > > >> > Hi > > Merra> >> > Thanks so much and yes if you have the time , I would love > > that poem.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Liz, another perspective but equally helpful !

Cheers

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Tue, June 15, 2010 7:49:29 AMSubject: Re: Re: Question - Poem

In response, I wrote an essay of my own, that I think applies to many Aspie kids, and all "twice exceptional" (academically gifted and a disability/difference). I'll include it below. Please don't copy it without my permission.--Liz

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"We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony.Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial.We all contribute to the song of life." ...Sondra We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference.ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated list.Responsibility for posts to ASPIRES lies entirely with the original author. Do NOT post mail off-list without the author's

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[Guest guest]

Hi

Wow ! thanks for your thoughts and the story of your childhood friend's little sister :-))

It 's very touching.

hugs and cheers

To: "aspires-relationships " <aspires-relationships >Sent: Tue, June 15, 2010 8:58:34 AMSubject: RE: Re: Question - Poem

Our kids are not imperfect because as far as I’m concerned, God doesn’t make mistakes. I think that it is a great honor to be gifted with a child with special needs. God has placed a lot of trust in you. He wouldn’t give his most special creations to someone he didn’t trust to take care of them. I consider it a privilege to have an “imperfect†kid and can only hope that I raise him the way God wants me to. That’s just how I feel about it anyway. My $.02 for what its worth.

From: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com [mailto:aspires- relationships@ yahoogroups. com] On Behalf Of Liz CademySent: Tuesday, June 15, 2010 7:49 AMTo: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) comSubject: Re: [aspires-relationsh ips] Re: Question - Poem

I first read "Welcome to Holland" many years ago, when I first turned to the internet trying to figure out why "Ocelot" was so challenging. I never liked it much ... some kids *are* more difficult to rear, not "equally nice, but different". [For those who don't know the essay, the summary is that giving birth to a disabled child is like planning a grand trip to Italy but ending up in Holland -- disappointing because it was not what you wanted, but equally nice, once you get used to the change.]In response, I wrote an essay of my own, that I think applies to many Aspie kids, and all "twice exceptional" (academically gifted and a disability/differen ce). I'll include it below. Please don't copy it without my permission.--LizAustria, Not HollandMany of us have heard the "Welcome to Holland" parable -- about how raising an unusual child is like planning a trip to Italy and finding yourself in Holland instead. As the

story goes, at first you are upset that you are not in the land of your dreams, but as you spend time in Holland, you realize it is just as nice.I never much liked this story, and in the case of our gifted and quirky or twice exceptional kids, I don't think it's true. For our kids, it's more like we expected them to go to Italy on the Concorde, and to stay in 5 star hotels in the finest cities, and be driven around in limos. You paid big bucks for a private Italian tutor, and even thought about opera training.However something happened to the plane, and your child has ended up penniless in Austria. There's nothing wrong with Austria, it's a great place. But you wanted them to go to Italy, in style, and they're not there. That's your problem, not theirs. They can still get to Italy -- but they have to first learn German, work for meals, and hike over the Alps. They can do it, if they want to.But they may not want to go to Italy.

They may like Austria better. They might decide to head north, or east, or to Holland ... they may even join the Peace Corps and go to Darfur (where the severely disabled live, for their life is not like Holland, not at all).And if they do end up in Italy, it won't be the grand opera and chauffeured limousines -- they'll be the rebels on scooters, making rude faces at the pampered ultra-rich, and having a blast.Our kids, quirky / 2E as they might be, possess the tools they need for making their way in the world. They will become productive, if odd, adults. Our job as parents is to make sure they have the resiliency to make the best of whatever country they land in.

[Guest guest]

Hello everybody,I read and learn from these posts. Liz, This is an insightful piece. Thank you,Shauna(non-dx but acknowledged HfAU hubby who I love dearly, seeing signs in 8 yr old stepson)

I first read "Welcome to Holland" many years ago, when I first turned to the internet trying to figure out why "Ocelot" was so challenging. I never liked it much ... some kids *are* more difficult to rear, not "equally nice, but different".

[For those who don't know the essay, the summary is that giving birth to a disabled child is like planning a grand trip to Italy but ending up in Holland -- disappointing because it was not what you wanted, but equally nice, once you get used to the change.]

In response, I wrote an essay of my own, that I think applies to many Aspie kids, and all "twice exceptional" (academically gifted and a disability/difference). I'll include it below. Please don't copy it without my permission.

--Liz

Austria, Not Holland

Many of us have heard the "Welcome to Holland" parable -- about how raising an unusual child is like planning a trip to Italy and finding yourself in Holland instead. As the story goes, at first you are upset that you are not in the land of your dreams, but as you spend time in Holland, you realize it is just as nice.

I never much liked this story, and in the case of our gifted and quirky or twice exceptional kids, I don't think it's true. For our kids, it's more like we expected them to go to Italy on the Concorde, and to stay in 5 star hotels in the finest cities, and be driven around in limos. You paid big bucks for a private Italian tutor, and even thought about opera training.

However something happened to the plane, and your child has ended up penniless in Austria. There's nothing wrong with Austria, it's a great place. But you wanted them to go to Italy, in style, and they're not there. That's your problem, not theirs. They can still get to Italy -- but they have to first learn German, work for meals, and hike over the Alps. They can do it, if they want to.

But they may not want to go to Italy. They may like Austria better. They might decide to head north, or east, or to Holland ... they may even join the Peace Corps and go to Darfur (where the severely disabled live, for their life is not like Holland, not at all).

And if they do end up in Italy, it won't be the grand opera and chauffeured limousines -- they'll be the rebels on scooters, making rude faces at the pampered ultra-rich, and having a blast.

Our kids, quirky / 2E as they might be, possess the tools they need for making their way in the world. They will become productive, if odd, adults. Our job as parents is to make sure they have the resiliency to make the best of whatever country they land in.