Re: Re: Having a horrible day

[Guest guest]

I totally agree, Sis, I would put health first, get the money, do the

surgery, and get better.

The threats of taking the children I have heard a thousand times (I am a

social worker) and it is an empty threat, as the most they can ever get is

joint custody or liberal visitation.

Lynda

At 11:15 AM 12/15/2005, you wrote:

>, I would put your health first, and if that means asking

>your father for the money, so be it. If your husband balks, tell

>him you wouldn't have to go to your father if he hadn't spent the

>money. The threats of taking your children away are just that -

>threats. It's very hard to get custody of the children from the

>mother - especially if you've been a good mother and it sounds like

>you have been.

>

>Sis

>

>

>

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > ,

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I know it's tough when you feel so bad . . .

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > But a couple suggestions. . . See if you can find a

> > > > > > > few nice things to do for your hubby. . . i.e. make

> > > > > > > some cookies for him and BRING a plate of cookies to

> > > > > > > him. . . Touch him gently and tell him " Thank You "

> > > > > > > from time to time. . .

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Also . . . look for ways to express humor. It sounds

> > > > > > > like Sis is an expert! Let her tell you about her

> > > > > > > antics! . . . LOL

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I suspect your husband is hurting - why? unless you

> > > > > > > can get him to open up, you may never know. But being

> > > > > > > extra gentle to him, even if he's being a pain may

> > > > > > > help coax his loving side out.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > If you have any reason to think he may be suffering

> > > > > > > from post-tramautic syndrome after being in Iraq, he

> > > > > > > needs to get help. I hear that about 1/3 of the

> > > > > > > returnees experience it to some degree. . . often

> > > > > > > showing up months after the experience.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Hugs and prayers,

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Rogene

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>Opinions expressed are NOT meant to take the place of advice given by

>licensed health care professionals. Consult your physician or licensed

>health care professional before commencing any medical treatment.

>

> " Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians mislead you.

>Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about how to live

>a happy life and how to work for a better world. " - Linus ing,

>two-time Nobel Prize Winner (1954, Chemistry; 1963, Peace)

>

>See our photos website! Enter " implants " for access at this link:

><http://.shutterfly.com/action/>http://.shutterfly.co\

m/action/

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

One question . . . Do you want your marriage to work?

.. . .

I know your husband is being horrible . . . If you

want your marriage to work, I suggest that you not go

to his level. Do whatever it takes to treat him

lovingly. Show him that you care for him and explain

to him that one reason you need to have your imlants

out is for the sake of the family - including him! We

have plenty of information in the archives and in the

group here to help him understand why your implants

need to be removed.

One thousand dollars is nothing compared to the cost

of a divorce when there are children involved.

Consider the money a symptom of something deeper that

must be dealt with.

You really need to talk to him. . . but talk in terms

of your feelings and your love for your family. Don't

jump to any conclusions about how he feels and why

he's been acting like he has. He probably feels pretty

bad about it himself.

If your father can help you, let him. I'll bet it

would break your father's heart to know that you need

help so badly and are hesitant to ask. Work out a deal

where you can repay your father over time - something

that won't stress your husband, yet allows him to feel

that he's taking care of his family.

You might consider what you can do to supplement the

family income as your children get older and start

working towards that goal. If your hubby is feeling

stressed financially, that may help him too. Meantime,

regardless of the outcome, you need to know that you

are able to support yourself regardless of what

happens!

Are you in an area where veteran's facilities are

available? If so, call them and ask for advice.

Hopefully your hubby will get some counseling. I

suspect his behavior is not uncommon among war

returnees.

I know you're going through a very rough time . . . I

also know you can get through it. Think of it this way

.. . . Never apply a permanent solution to a temporary

problem!

With children, divorce is something that never ends. .

.. The children will hurt the rest of their lives as

all the important events and holidays have to be

carefully managed . . . In the event of remarriage, it

will become even more difficult as family

relationships become more complex. They will no longer

have a " home " where both mom and dad are!

So often people see divorce as the end to a problem.

It may end one problem, but - it creates another set

of problems that last much longer. My children were 18

- 22 when I divorced . . . Believe me, it's not easy.

It's the kids who pay the price!

Hugs and prayers,

Rogene

[Guest guest]

,

The other day on CNN they were saying that the stress

test given right after returning from Iraq doesn't

tell the whole story. They need to be retested at

least three months later.

Keeping demonstrating your love for him . . . even if

he doesn't deserve it. I suspect he's hurting more

than any of us can understand.

Hugs and prayers,

Rogene

[Guest guest]

Yes, I mostly agree with Rogene, but there are times when the kids are

better off when the parents divorce. As a social worker, I have seen that

a number of times.

But, I would work out a deal with your dad, and make repayment plans. The

sooner you get those things out, the sooner you can start feeling better

and better contribute to your family in many ways. Kids suffer when

mothers are ill, and you will feel so much better knowing those toxic bags

are gone.

Lynda

At 01:04 PM 12/15/2005, you wrote:

>,

>

>One question . . . Do you want your marriage to work?

>. . .

>

>I know your husband is being horrible . . . If you

>want your marriage to work, I suggest that you not go

>to his level. Do whatever it takes to treat him

>lovingly. Show him that you care for him and explain

>to him that one reason you need to have your imlants

>out is for the sake of the family - including him! We

>have plenty of information in the archives and in the

>group here to help him understand why your implants

>need to be removed.

>

>One thousand dollars is nothing compared to the cost

>of a divorce when there are children involved.

>Consider the money a symptom of something deeper that

>must be dealt with.

>

>You really need to talk to him. . . but talk in terms

>of your feelings and your love for your family. Don't

>jump to any conclusions about how he feels and why

>he's been acting like he has. He probably feels pretty

>bad about it himself.

>

>If your father can help you, let him. I'll bet it

>would break your father's heart to know that you need

>help so badly and are hesitant to ask. Work out a deal

>where you can repay your father over time - something

>that won't stress your husband, yet allows him to feel

>that he's taking care of his family.

>

>You might consider what you can do to supplement the

>family income as your children get older and start

>working towards that goal. If your hubby is feeling

>stressed financially, that may help him too. Meantime,

>regardless of the outcome, you need to know that you

>are able to support yourself regardless of what

>happens!

>

>Are you in an area where veteran's facilities are

>available? If so, call them and ask for advice.

>Hopefully your hubby will get some counseling. I

>suspect his behavior is not uncommon among war

>returnees.

>

>I know you're going through a very rough time . . . I

>also know you can get through it. Think of it this way

>. . . Never apply a permanent solution to a temporary

>problem!

>

>With children, divorce is something that never ends. .

>. The children will hurt the rest of their lives as

>all the important events and holidays have to be

>carefully managed . . . In the event of remarriage, it

>will become even more difficult as family

>relationships become more complex. They will no longer

>have a " home " where both mom and dad are!

>

>So often people see divorce as the end to a problem.

>It may end one problem, but - it creates another set

>of problems that last much longer. My children were 18

>- 22 when I divorced . . . Believe me, it's not easy.

>It's the kids who pay the price!

>

>Hugs and prayers,

>

>Rogene

>

>

>

>Opinions expressed are NOT meant to take the place of advice given by

>licensed health care professionals. Consult your physician or licensed

>health care professional before commencing any medical treatment.

>

> " Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians mislead you.

>Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about how to live

>a happy life and how to work for a better world. " - Linus ing,

>two-time Nobel Prize Winner (1954, Chemistry; 1963, Peace)

>

>See our photos website! Enter " implants " for access at this link:

><http://.shutterfly.com/action/>http://.shutterfly.co\

m/action/

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have certainly had men in my life that were supportive of me during a lot

of this, and during other health issues. I think it has to do with a lot

of other things in their lives, one way or another. One part is

personality, but there are many other parts of the puzzle.

Lynda

At 07:39 PM 12/15/2005, you wrote:

>Sis,

>You certainly handled that well!! Congratulations.

>I have little first-hand experience with the 'silent treatment' or fury

>because my husband is

>not like that. In fact, he first decided I needed to go to Dr. Kolb

>before I did.

>I know he is not the norm.

>Thank you so very much for posting this - it's an inspiration.

>

>

> > > >

> > > > ,

> > > >

> > > > The other day on CNN they were saying that the stress

> > > > test given right after returning from Iraq doesn't

> > > > tell the whole story. They need to be retested at

> > > > least three months later.

> > > >

> > > > Keeping demonstrating your love for him . . . even if

> > > > he doesn't deserve it. I suspect he's hurting more

> > > > than any of us can understand.

> > > >

> > > > Hugs and prayers,

> > > >

> > > > Rogene

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>Opinions expressed are NOT meant to take the place of advice given by

>licensed health care professionals. Consult your physician or licensed

>health care professional before commencing any medical treatment.

>

> " Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians mislead you.

>Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about how to live

>a happy life and how to work for a better world. " - Linus ing,

>two-time Nobel Prize Winner (1954, Chemistry; 1963, Peace)

>

>See our photos website! Enter " implants " for access at this link:

><http://.shutterfly.com/action/>http://.shutterfly.co\

m/action/

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

Your plan sounds good! . . . You are taking care of

yourself, and by doing so, taking care of your family

as well.

How is the relationship between your father and

husband? . . . It could be that your father is the one

to help your husband understand that the feelings he's

suffering from now are normal for someone who has been

through the trauma he's experienced. If not, do you

know another vet who would talk to your husband?

Even if he doesn't want to talk directly to your

father, you might be able to relay your father's

experiences in such a way that it's not personal to

your hubby but can help him understand his own

feelings.

When you talk to your hubby try not to be either

offensive or defensive. . . Stay loving and tender.

It's hard for a guy to push if there's nothing to push

against.

Hugs and prayers,

Rogene

[Guest guest]

Lynda,

I know there are times when the kids are better off .

.. . However, a recent book published by a woman who

studied the effects of divorce on kids says that

almost 80% of divorces are unnecessary . . . that

things can be worked out to the betterment of the

family - if they make the effort.

Nevertheless, it takes two people to make a marriage

work! IMHO, anyone seeing trouble ahead, should start

making plans to be independent - just in case.

No one should stay in a situation where she or the

children are physically or mentally abused! However

most situations fall short of that kind of abuse.

Hugs,

Rogene

[Guest guest]

,

If your husband doesn't believe in divorce, and you

want it to work, I would look at his behavior as a way

of asking for help.

Just keep being loving and asking him what he needs

from you while telling you how you feel and what you

need. . . and if you throw in a little humor every now

and then, you'll make it!

I know it's very painful now! . . . But hang in there.

Keep praying for your husband and family. You'll come

through this much stronger!

Hugs and prayers,

Rogene

[Guest guest]

,

I would just gently tell him that you know he doesn't

understand - and that, you can show him articles on

implant problems if that will ease his mind.

and her husband have offered to talk to him.

Tell him that you're the only one who can know how you

feel and how difficult it's becoming for you to make

it from one day to the next. . . And that you're going

to have your implants removed, not just for you, but

so that you can be a good wife and mother. . . That

you really want his emotional support to get through

this, but that you're strong enough to do it on your

own if you must.

Be loving, adult and firm. . . If money is a big issue

for him, tell him that the illnesses associated with

breast implants can be far more costly than explant

surgery. I know of women whose medical bills (after

insurance) have run into six figures. They can ruin

one's financial future as well as one's health! The

sooner they are removed, the better your chances are

for full recovery.

Hugs and prayers,

Rogene

[Guest guest]

Sounds like a good start to me.

Lynda

At 09:32 AM 12/17/2005, you wrote:

>I spoke with my husband, I am still not sure what the hell is going

>on, however, he listened and seemed calm and caring for the first

>time in weeks. He agreed that the sooner the better to get the

>implants removed, he agreed with me asking my dad to help. So that

>is a huge positive. I finally broke down this morning and asked

>about the intimacy problems but he didn't tell me why he just held

>me and swore he still loved me. I feel a bit better but would still

>like to know why he has been and still is avoiding the intimate part

>of our relationship. I didn't want to push him though. I told him

>that we made it through Iraq and that I am so glad to have him home

>so maybe he will start to come around a bit, what do you think?

>

>HUGS,

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ,

> > > > > >

> > > > > > The other day on CNN they were saying that the stress

> > > > > > test given right after returning from Iraq doesn't

> > > > > > tell the whole story. They need to be retested at

> > > > > > least three months later.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Keeping demonstrating your love for him . . . even if

> > > > > > he doesn't deserve it. I suspect he's hurting more

> > > > > > than any of us can understand.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hugs and prayers,

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Rogene

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>Opinions expressed are NOT meant to take the place of advice given by

>licensed health care professionals. Consult your physician or licensed

>health care professional before commencing any medical treatment.

>

> " Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians mislead you.

>Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about how to live

>a happy life and how to work for a better world. " - Linus ing,

>two-time Nobel Prize Winner (1954, Chemistry; 1963, Peace)

>

>See our photos website! Enter " implants " for access at this link:

><http://.shutterfly.com/action/>http://.shutterfly.co\

m/action/

>

>

[Guest guest]

A good surgeon will leave you with minimal scars, and you are a wonderful

person the way God made you. Remember that!!!!!

Lynda

At 09:58 AM 12/17/2005, you wrote:

>Thanks Lynda,

>This decision to explant si one of the hardest ones I have ever been

>faced with in my life. I have terrible selfesteem now never used to,

>and I just don't want to look like a little kid again. I got boobs

>to be sexy and now I have to rethink sexy, just how will I be sexy

>with scars on my small breasts???

>

>Hugs,

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > ,

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > The other day on CNN they were saying that the stress

> > > > > > > > test given right after returning from Iraq doesn't

> > > > > > > > tell the whole story. They need to be retested at

> > > > > > > > least three months later.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Keeping demonstrating your love for him . . . even if

> > > > > > > > he doesn't deserve it. I suspect he's hurting more

> > > > > > > > than any of us can understand.

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Hugs and prayers,

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > Rogene

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >Opinions expressed are NOT meant to take the place of advice

>given by

> > >licensed health care professionals. Consult your physician or

>licensed

> > >health care professional before commencing any medical treatment.

> > >

> > > " Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians

>mislead you.

> > >Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about

>how to live

> > >a happy life and how to work for a better world. " - Linus

>ing,

> > >two-time Nobel Prize Winner (1954, Chemistry; 1963, Peace)

> > >

> > >See our photos website! Enter " implants " for access at this link:

> >

> ><<http://.shutterfly.com/action/>http://.shutte

> rfly.com/action/>http://.sh

>utterfly.com/action/

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

,

Sex starts in the head . . . A lot is communicated

through the eyes . . . Boobs really are secondary (or

fourth . . . fifth . . etc.).

Would you think your husband was sexy if you know he

had fake buns? And assuming he did, how would you feel

if you found out they were making him sick?

You're going to be fine . . . This includes being

sexy! . . .

It's wonderful your hubby is coming around . . . You

may have to do more than your share of work on the

marriage for a while - but if you'll work at being

loving and gentle with him, things will start getting

better and better!

Hugs and prayers,

Rogene

[Guest guest]

,

It's possible your hubby doesn't know what's going on

either . . . Keep touching him gently whenever

possible. Let him know how much you need and love him.

I have a feeling he's in a world of hurt and needs you

very, very much!

Hugs,

Rogene