Guest guest Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Sis . . . Life has a way of turning around . . . Some men find facing their feeling very, very uncomfortable. . . Sometimes you can help ease them along with simple statements - avoid the personal messages though . . . Mentions of the pain others feel in various situations can be an eye opener. Spending time with other couples who have been there and survived is also helpful. In the meantime, your goals are great! Concentrate on getting better and finding your own way. If he doesn't see fit to keep up with you, he'll be the loser! Hugs and prayers, Rogene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Sis, Don't give up . . . sometimes men can be taught about feelings . . . You're the only one who can figure out what to say/do and when to do it . . . Easy does it though. . . My hubby is an engineer . . . They're notorious for not being in touch with their feelings! However, a little a time, he's learning that we all have feelings .. . . So, there's hope yet. Today was a great example . . . he's been fuming all week because the lightning strike damaged so many things around the house. . . Today the minister's sermon was about being thankful for what we have - and not being upset about what goes wrong! Last week they held service without any power. . . He came home and tackled the intercom system - yesterday he wouldn't even glance at it! No fussing today! Hugs and prayers, Rogene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Hi Sis, Is everything going well with your husband's job? The reason I ask is that I can tell exactly how my husband's business is doing by the way he treats me. If the business is going well, he treats me great. If he is stressed out at work, he treats me less than great. It could also be that he has been so stressed about your health that he wants you to be well right away so he will know that you're going to be ok. I hope things calm down at home soon. Kenda 11/20/05 10:59 AM > Hi , > > Yes, things haven't been good on the homefront since the implants > came to town. They haven't improved just yet, either, and I'm > hoping as my health improves and I get a job, that we can get back > on track. For many months I lived a life of quiet desperation, > because my husband did not want to hear that I was sick, and he > dismissed my concerns that it was the implants. Finally I made > plans on my own to have them removed, and he freaked out because he > was not part of the decision. Well, I was tired of waiting for him > to listen to me, and if he wasn't going to be part of the solution, > I had to find one on my own. He finally came around and I had the > surgery, but as the surgery approached he became pretty hostile > towards me, as if it was a huge burden to take time off work for > me. Even in the hotel room as I was healing, he was snapping at > me. I couldn't believe he had no compassion. What frightened me > the most was that when I really needed my husband the most, he > checked out emotionally, and was actually pretty cruel. I'm > learning that some men do that, they can't handle it, and their > reaction to being in pain is to shut down or lash out. Now that > we're home, he expects me to be 100% better right away and is angry > that the house isn't clean. I guess time will tell if things will > work out here, but for now I'm just concentrating on taking care of > myself and I'll figure out the rest in time. > > Sis > > >> >> Sis, I must have missed something. I didn't realize you were going >> through problems with your husband through all of this. I am so >> sorry to hear that. My first marriage ended when I became ill from >> my implants. I am better off for it because now I havea wonderful >> husband, but I can sympathize with having marital problems from >> illness. >> >> Yesterday my husband made a comment to me that blew me away. He > has >> been out of state for 7 days working on his uncles house. In 7 > days >> he had worked more than 72 hours, and that was without a day off >> from the previous weeks work. Needless to say he is exhausted. >> Yesterday morning he had the chance to read my letter from Dr. >> Blais. Then as we were out running errands and he needed me to > drive >> because of his exhaustion he looked over at me and said, " Now I >> think I know how you must have felt all those years, I am > exhausted >> and can't seem to get over it " . It was really neat to hear him say >> that, even though he has always been so supportive. >> >> No one truly understand what it is like unless they have lived it. >> No matter what we say, no matter what we try to do, no one > will " get >> it " . >> >> Love, >> >> > > > > > > > > Opinions expressed are NOT meant to take the place of advice given by licensed > health care professionals. Consult your physician or licensed health care > professional before commencing any medical treatment. > > " Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians mislead you. > Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about how to live a > happy life and how to work for a better world. " - Linus ing, two-time > Nobel Prize Winner (1954, Chemistry; 1963, Peace) > > See our photos website! Enter " implants " for access at this link: > http://.shutterfly.com/action/ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Hi Sis, Boy, your life sounds a lot like mine, business, big house and all -- minus implants. My husband works 6 days a week, leaving the house by 6:00 each morning, returning home anywhere from 7:00 to 9:00, sometimes even 10:00 at night. The way he treats me is definitely a barometer of life at work. He rarely talks about the business with me but I can tell how things are going. The way your husband has been treating you sounds so familiar of earlier years in our marriage. It's amazing we've made it to 18! Hopefully as you start feeling better, he'll relax. Jeff hates it when I'm sick, he doesn't know how to handle it. One of my biggest fears is that someday I'll get serious ill and he'll lose it. Kenda > Thanks, Kenda. > > My husband owns his own business, and it can create an awful lot of > stress for him. He doesn't usually say if things are going well or > not, but it's true, if work is stressful then he brings it home. > Plus I think he feels like he never gets time to chill out because > we've got a big house with a big yard, and a million things to do. > He's a project kind of guy anyway, he creates alot of work for > himself because he was raised by a hard working family. I think he > feels like he lives to work, he never takes vacation time, and since > we bought the house he's always working on something around here on > his days off. Then on top of it, I lose my job, and then I get > sick. He's got a legal battle he's fighting, too, so I think he's > pretty well loaded up. > > Sis > > > >>>> >>>> Sis, I must have missed something. I didn't realize you were > going >>>> through problems with your husband through all of this. I am so >>>> sorry to hear that. My first marriage ended when I became ill > from >>>> my implants. I am better off for it because now I havea > wonderful >>>> husband, but I can sympathize with having marital problems from >>>> illness. >>>> >>>> Yesterday my husband made a comment to me that blew me away. He >>> has >>>> been out of state for 7 days working on his uncles house. In 7 >>> days >>>> he had worked more than 72 hours, and that was without a day off >>>> from the previous weeks work. Needless to say he is exhausted. >>>> Yesterday morning he had the chance to read my letter from Dr. >>>> Blais. Then as we were out running errands and he needed me to >>> drive >>>> because of his exhaustion he looked over at me and said, " Now I >>>> think I know how you must have felt all those years, I am >>> exhausted >>>> and can't seem to get over it " . It was really neat to hear him > say >>>> that, even though he has always been so supportive. >>>> >>>> No one truly understand what it is like unless they have lived > it. >>>> No matter what we say, no matter what we try to do, no one >>> will " get >>>> it " . >>>> >>>> Love, >>>> >>>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Opinions expressed are NOT meant to take the place of advice > given by licensed >>> health care professionals. Consult your physician or licensed > health care >>> professional before commencing any medical treatment. >>> >>> " Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians > mislead you. >>> Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about > how to live a >>> happy life and how to work for a better world. " - Linus ing, > two-time >>> Nobel Prize Winner (1954, Chemistry; 1963, Peace) >>> >>> See our photos website! Enter " implants " for access at this link: >>> http://.shutterfly.com/action/ >>> >>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Sis You sound a lot like me... my hubby and I have been together 11 years - married 7 1/2. He will catch on - just takes time and understanding... laughing is great also! Best of luck love shari Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Hi Sis, I would be really surprised if it is really you he is upset with and if someone asked him about how he treats you, he'd probably feel awful once he thought about it and realized that you are really sick and he treats you like crap. Have you been married long? Our first couple of years were pretty rough and I'm really surprised we made it. We've been married 18 years and things are pretty easy day to day. He'll have a bad day at work every once and a while and be grumpy but I straighten him up really quick! My husband's father worked four jobs and was never home so I'd guess Jeff feels like he needs to be working to support us, not staying home to take care of any of us. I haven't worked since our first child was born 16 years ago. When I had our two children, he spent a few hours at the hospital and was back at work. Jeff would flip too, if he knew we were talking about him. Kenda > Kenda, > > Wow, there are quite a few parallels here!! This definitely made me > think about myself as an elderly woman with health problems. I > don't know if I mentioned this, but his sisters reminded me that he > treated his mother poorly when she was ill in her final years. I > think this goes back to childhood - his mother was sick for a number > of years when he was a kid (she eventually got better), and whenever > he mentions that time, he always tends to view it from the eyes of > his father. He saw his father work long hours just to pay the > mounting medical bills for his mother, and it took him years to pay > them. So perhaps this goes alot deeper. Perhaps this brings back > some childhood fears - first of all, your mother is sick and can't > take care of you, and secondly he might be linking this to the > burden he felt it put on his father. > > Sis > > P.S. If my husband realized I was analyzing him online, he'd > probably be mad!! However, this really is helping me work through > things and come to a better understanding, so thanks for being > patient with me. > > > >>>>>> >>>>>> Sis, I must have missed something. I didn't realize you were >>> going >>>>>> through problems with your husband through all of this. I am > so >>>>>> sorry to hear that. My first marriage ended when I became ill >>> from >>>>>> my implants. I am better off for it because now I havea >>> wonderful >>>>>> husband, but I can sympathize with having marital problems > from >>>>>> illness. >>>>>> >>>>>> Yesterday my husband made a comment to me that blew me away. > He >>>>> has >>>>>> been out of state for 7 days working on his uncles house. In 7 >>>>> days >>>>>> he had worked more than 72 hours, and that was without a day > off >>>>>> from the previous weeks work. Needless to say he is exhausted. >>>>>> Yesterday morning he had the chance to read my letter from Dr. >>>>>> Blais. Then as we were out running errands and he needed me to >>>>> drive >>>>>> because of his exhaustion he looked over at me and said, " > Now I >>>>>> think I know how you must have felt all those years, I am >>>>> exhausted >>>>>> and can't seem to get over it " . It was really neat to hear him >>> say >>>>>> that, even though he has always been so supportive. >>>>>> >>>>>> No one truly understand what it is like unless they have lived >>> it. >>>>>> No matter what we say, no matter what we try to do, no one >>>>> will " get >>>>>> it " . >>>>>> >>>>>> Love, >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Opinions expressed are NOT meant to take the place of advice >>> given by licensed >>>>> health care professionals. Consult your physician or licensed >>> health care >>>>> professional before commencing any medical treatment. >>>>> >>>>> " Do not let either the medical authorities or the politicians >>> mislead you. >>>>> Find out what the facts are, and make your own decisions about >>> how to live a >>>>> happy life and how to work for a better world. " - Linus > ing, >>> two-time >>>>> Nobel Prize Winner (1954, Chemistry; 1963, Peace) >>>>> >>>>> See our photos website! Enter " implants " for access at this > link: >>>>> http://.shutterfly.com/action/ >>>>> >>>>> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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