Guest guest Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Hi Greg: Thanks for the kind words. Life is a journey and everyone one of us is unique and expresses AS differently and many have a different flavor like ADD. Some believe AS is just a different way of being or a different culture and others believe the brain is wired differently and organic in origin and some believe it is a disorder where some of the behavior needs to be treated. Maybe it is our perception on what AS is that dictates how we address it with family members?? Research on how it affects family members is just being compiled and it will be interesting to see the results. Maybe getting the label is similar to addictions. When Larry stopped using he stopped the drug but never went into recovery. There are a lot of students in the counseling program that are recovering addicts and the research states that stopping the drug does not make the behaviors go away. You need to learn how to live all over again without the drug and addiction affects everyone in the family as it shifts the balance and changes the family dynamics. Many times it is a partner or family member that sabotages the recovery as the family dynamics change and change is hard for all of us. It upsets the family balance and changes our roles within the family unit. If my partner is using and goes into recovery, what happens to my role in the relationship? I might be unhappy now, but at least I knows what to expect. I can relate to ex spouses who say when they stopped using their partner did not like their behavior and thought they were better and nicer while medicated and it created all kinds of challenges and was the death of the marriage. It is almost like looking at someone through new lenses and seeing a total stranger. The communication, sex and every aspect of the relationship shifts and you have to learn how to deal with all this new stuff. It is hard work and some choose not to do it for various reasons. I can also see how someone with AS that does the work and their partner does not as they think they are not the problem, AS is, has a hard time as well. They are growing but their partner is still in the same place which can breed anger and resentment. It is like a mind set that says, if a partner gets diagnosed they must have the problem and need to be fixed without realizing the entire family needs support in dealing with this new information and working together to keep the family unit in tact and healthy. Some same the only difference between a healthy and unhealthy family is how you communicate and deal with behavior as families often deal with the same issues some where in their journey. Life is complicated and this is just my personal and humble opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 18, 2011 Report Share Posted February 18, 2011 Hi ... Indeed, life is this great journey of twists and turns. No two people with AS are the same - we are all different. I really don't care what anyone else thinks of me, offline or elsewhere, because I am who I am. I have come a long way since 2007 (when I was offically dx'd with AS and AD/HD). While I cannot speak for others who were married, etc. at the time their partner was going through a lot of issues, I can assure anyone on here that I will never go back to my ex-spouse. Had I taken the time to know my ex-spouse better back then (in the pre-dx'd stage), I would have never married her in the first place. Then again, if any one thing changes in my life from the past to now, I wouldn't be typing this on here. So, I have no regrets for anything that has taken place in my life. I am thankful and grateful for everything which has happened. , officially dx'd in 2007 > > Hi Greg: > > Thanks for the kind words. Life is a journey and everyone one of us is unique and expresses AS differently and many have a different flavor like ADD. Some believe AS is just a different way of being or a different culture and others believe the brain is wired differently and organic in origin and some believe it is a disorder where some of the behavior needs to be treated. Maybe it is our perception on what AS is that dictates how we address it with family members?? > > Research on how it affects family members is just being compiled and it will be interesting to see the results. Maybe getting the label is similar to addictions. When Larry stopped using he stopped the drug but never went into recovery. There are a lot of students in the counseling program that are recovering addicts and the research states that stopping the drug does not make the behaviors go away. You need to learn how to live all over again without the drug and addiction affects everyone in the family as it shifts the balance and changes the family dynamics. Many times it is a partner or family member that sabotages the recovery as the family dynamics change and change is hard for all of us. It upsets the family balance and changes our roles within the family unit. If my partner is using and goes into recovery, what happens to my role in the relationship? I might be unhappy now, but at least I knows what to expect. > > I can relate to ex spouses who say when they stopped using their partner did not like their behavior and thought they were better and nicer while medicated and it created all kinds of challenges and was the death of the marriage. It is almost like looking at someone through new lenses and seeing a total stranger. The communication, sex and every aspect of the relationship shifts and you have to learn how to deal with all this new stuff. It is hard work and some choose not to do it for various reasons. > > I can also see how someone with AS that does the work and their partner does not as they think they are not the problem, AS is, has a hard time as well. They are growing but their partner is still in the same place which can breed anger and resentment. It is like a mind set that says, if a partner gets diagnosed they must have the problem and need to be fixed without realizing the entire family needs support in dealing with this new information and working together to keep the family unit in tact and healthy. Some same the only difference between a healthy and unhealthy family is how you communicate and deal with behavior as families often deal with the same issues some where in their journey. > > Life is complicated and this is just my personal and humble opinion. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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