Re: changing my name to rid myself nada-control

[Guest guest]

[...]

> I have a friend who decided to change her name when she got divorced,

> but she didn't want to take her maiden name back - so she just picked

> a NEW name - one she WANTED.

>

> It was as easy as that.

>

> Free

Wow, I just found this thread. I did a search for " maiden " , but never

expected to see what I was looking for: other people who've rid

themselves of a name because of its association with their Nada.

When I got married, 3 years ago, I took my husband's last name, kept my

first name, but replaced my middle name (it was same as nada's) with my

maiden name (my Dad's last name). It felt good to do this. I was glad

for a number of reasons. It felt cleansing, like I wasn't her little

doll to play dress-up with anymore. she couldn't name me and play with

my hairstyles... grr.

Now I'm about to divorce. (don't worry, that's going fine.) But I don't

know what to do about my name. I know I will drop my husband's name. So,

I could simply put mine back exactly as it was before I married, (which

could help me towards feeling as though my husband and I are really just

getting an " annulment. " ) Or, make up something else. But, if so, what??

Tell me: am I just being childish? I feel a bit like I'm back in Junior

High - practicing my signature with a BF's last name or something.. Do

you think the people who find out (like my kids if I ever have some)

will think I'm disrespectful? Thing is... I still feel kinda guilty

about the bitterness I feel toward Nada. I wish I didn't want to erase

her name from mine, and maybe someday I'll be " over her " , but right now

I still want to.

-Okapi

[Guest guest]

I don't think that's childish at all. That was one of the " perks " of

getting married for me, that I could lose the name that I associated

with so much misery in my past and present. If I were faced with the

idea of having to take that name back, I think I'd change it, too!

> [...]

> > I have a friend who decided to change her name when she got

divorced,

> > but she didn't want to take her maiden name back - so she just

picked

> > a NEW name - one she WANTED.

> >

> > It was as easy as that.

> >

> > Free

>

> Wow, I just found this thread. I did a search for " maiden " , but

never

> expected to see what I was looking for: other people who've rid

> themselves of a name because of its association with their Nada.

>

> When I got married, 3 years ago, I took my husband's last name,

kept my

> first name, but replaced my middle name (it was same as nada's)

with my

> maiden name (my Dad's last name). It felt good to do this. I was

glad

> for a number of reasons. It felt cleansing, like I wasn't her

little

> doll to play dress-up with anymore. she couldn't name me and play

with

> my hairstyles... grr.

>

> Now I'm about to divorce. (don't worry, that's going fine.) But I

don't

> know what to do about my name. I know I will drop my husband's

name. So,

> I could simply put mine back exactly as it was before I married,

(which

> could help me towards feeling as though my husband and I are

really just

> getting an " annulment. " ) Or, make up something else. But, if so,

what??

>

> Tell me: am I just being childish? I feel a bit like I'm back in

Junior

> High - practicing my signature with a BF's last name or

something.. Do

> you think the people who find out (like my kids if I ever have

some)

> will think I'm disrespectful? Thing is... I still feel kinda guilty

> about the bitterness I feel toward Nada. I wish I didn't want to

erase

> her name from mine, and maybe someday I'll be " over her " , but

right now

> I still want to.

>

> -Okapi

>

[Guest guest]

Chiming in a little late here, but this thread caught my eye. I

legally changed my name when I left home at 18. I kept my first name

but changed the middle and last names to ones entirely of my own

choosing. Choosing my own name was the first step of many toward

individuating myself from my messed up FOO, one that I've never

regretted. It's not the least bit childish.

Sakura

> > [...]

> > > I have a friend who decided to change her name when she got

> divorced,

> > > but she didn't want to take her maiden name back - so she just

> picked

> > > a NEW name - one she WANTED.

> > >

> > > It was as easy as that.

> > >

> > > Free

> >

> > Wow, I just found this thread. I did a search for " maiden " , but

> never

> > expected to see what I was looking for: other people who've rid

> > themselves of a name because of its association with their Nada.

> >

> > When I got married, 3 years ago, I took my husband's last name,

> kept my

> > first name, but replaced my middle name (it was same as nada's)

> with my

> > maiden name (my Dad's last name). It felt good to do this. I was

> glad

> > for a number of reasons. It felt cleansing, like I wasn't her

> little

> > doll to play dress-up with anymore. she couldn't name me and play

> with

> > my hairstyles... grr.

> >

> > Now I'm about to divorce. (don't worry, that's going fine.) But I

> don't

> > know what to do about my name. I know I will drop my husband's

> name. So,

> > I could simply put mine back exactly as it was before I married,

> (which

> > could help me towards feeling as though my husband and I are

> really just

> > getting an " annulment. " ) Or, make up something else. But, if so,

> what??

> >

> > Tell me: am I just being childish? I feel a bit like I'm back in

> Junior

> > High - practicing my signature with a BF's last name or

> something.. Do

> > you think the people who find out (like my kids if I ever have

> some)

> > will think I'm disrespectful? Thing is... I still feel kinda

guilty

> > about the bitterness I feel toward Nada. I wish I didn't want to

> erase

> > her name from mine, and maybe someday I'll be " over her " , but

> right now

> > I still want to.

> >

> > -Okapi

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I will chime in late as well. I changed my name when I finally got

away from nada. New first, middle and last. My entire name had been

this big family history deal, and I did not want to be part of her

fantasy anymore.

DeeDee

>

> Chiming in a little late here, but this thread caught my eye. I

> legally changed my name when I left home at 18. I kept my first name

> but changed the middle and last names to ones entirely of my own

> choosing. Choosing my own name was the first step of many toward

> individuating myself from my messed up FOO, one that I've never

> regretted. It's not the least bit childish.

>

> Sakura

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know when I was a kid I wanted to change my name cuz my nada was

always making a big deal about it especially the middle name. They

told me as a teen if I saved enough $$ I could pay for a name change

myself and do it with their blessing. I saved every penny from

sitting I got or gifts. When I did save the money and came to them

with the request they denied me. I was 13 at the time. To this day I

still want to change my name mostly the middle because I share the

name with nada and it means bitter sweet, my first name means sweet

as a honey bee. Nada would always tell me I am bitter and names have

meanings and that is why I am mean and bitter blablabla. I still

feel hurt and it bugs me that she said that and named me that if she

really had those feelings. So now when I talk about changing my name

my husband thinks I am off my rocker. But I can understand the

desire to want to change your name. Lizzy

>

> I will chime in late as well. I changed my name when I finally got

> away from nada. New first, middle and last. My entire name had

been

> this big family history deal, and I did not want to be part of her

> fantasy anymore.

>

> DeeDee

>

>

> >

> > Chiming in a little late here, but this thread caught my eye. I

> > legally changed my name when I left home at 18. I kept my first

name

> > but changed the middle and last names to ones entirely of my own

> > choosing. Choosing my own name was the first step of many

toward

> > individuating myself from my messed up FOO, one that I've never

> > regretted. It's not the least bit childish.

> >

> > Sakura

> >

>

> >

>